"A woman in Las Vegas was arrested after she threw a shoe
at Hillary Clinton while Hillary was giving a speech. The woman was tackled,
cuffed, and thrown into a police car. Then the cops said, 'Normally, WE do
that, Hillary, but thank you for the help.'" –Jimmy Fallon
"CNN announced that Anthony Bourdain's show is taking over
Piers Morgan's time slot. Anthony is a culinary expert who loves good food. His
show is the highest-rated series on CNN. But let's be honest. The highest-rated
series on CNN is like being the least drunk Australian." –Craig Ferguson
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