"Officials
in Finland say the Russian army is now conducting drills on its border. Or as
Vladimir Putin calls that, 'window shopping.'" –Jimmy Fallon
"The official presidential candidate for the Ukrainian
Internet Party is a man in a Darth Vader costume. Not to be confused with the
president of Russia, who is Darth Vader in a man costume." –Seth Meyers
"The Department of Agriculture is encouraging grandparents
to read their grandchildren bedtime stories about nutrition. Stories like
'Goodnight Kale,' 'James and the Giant Organic Peach,' and 'The Little Engine
That Could, Thanks to His High-Fiber Diet.'" –Seth Meyers
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