If the pants don't fit, you must acquit

"Evil Russian president Vladimir Putin and his wife have divorced. They say it was amicable. It must be because she's still alive." –David Letterman 



"Chris Christie, what a guy. He allegedly closes down the George Washington Bridge. Everybody goes crazy. And he says, 'I'll handle this. I'm going to investigate myself.' So he investigates himself. He finds out that he, in fact, is innocent. He came up with a classic defense, 'If the pants don't fit, you must acquit.'" –David Letterman



"The Kremlin announced yesterday that Vladimir Putin and his wife have officially divorced. Over their 30-year marriage, the couple shared two daughters, several homes and one laugh." –Seth Meyers