"President Obama is criticizing Rick Perry for denying global warming. I can understand why Rick Perry doesn't take global warming seriously. As governor of Texas, he's probably fried more people than global warming all put together." –Jay Leno
"Republicans are having trouble luring Gov. Chris Christie into the presidential race. They should try pie." –David Letterman
"Arnold Schwarzenegger has commissioned a sculptor to create seven larger-than-life statues of himself in a Speedo. So I guess he's taking the divorce well. They're eight feet tall and made of bronze and horse steroids." –Jimmy Kimmel
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