Because he's paying us alimony (Timmy)

Despite all of his sexist comments, 20 percent of Republican women still support Donald Trump. When asked why, the women said, "Because he's paying us alimony." –Conan O’Brien

A new study claims that first grade students are getting three times more homework than they should be doing. This is coming from the lead researcher, "Timmy." –Conan O’Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Winner of the Lazy Cat Award (li’l shakeroos)

The Tampa Bay Buccaneers are being accused of sexism over a new campaign to target female fans by providing simplified explanations of basic rules. But if that’s the most sexist thing that happens in football this year, it's a pretty good year. –Seth Meyers

According to reports, officials at the Department of Agriculture told staffers to avoid the term “climate change” in their research and to use terms like “weather extremes” instead. And instead of earthquakes, they’re now called “li’l shakeroos.” –Seth Meyers

It is being reported that two senior aides were recently fired from the Donald Trump campaign. “Oh no, which two?!” yelled Eric and Donald Jr. –Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.” 

 

Finally a reason for Trump to acknowledge the existence of Eric (tucking the cash directly into Americans’ G-strings)

“Stimulus checks will soon be arriving for those who needs them and will include an extra $500 per child. Finally a reason for Trump to acknowledge the existence of Eric.” —Stephen Colbert

“Now, and it turns out, the president is not legally allowed to sign checks from the I.R.S. So instead, Mnuchin decided to put the president’s name in the ‘memo’ section of the check. Still better than Trump’s alternative: tucking the cash directly into Americans’ G-strings.” — Stephen Colbert

"The Democrats accuse the Republicans of launching a war on women. Then the Republicans accuse the Democrats of the same thing. At this point, who can remember who enacted reproductive health restrictions in 36 states including mandatory transvaginal ultrasounds?" –Stephen Colbert

“The president has still refused to explain what progress was made during the month of February. Does Trump go into hibernation for Black History Month?” —Stephen Colbert

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

It was also the name of my favorite R&B group in the 90s (which I heard is the definition of..something?)

November 2022

After meeting with the Anti-Defamation League, Kyrie Irving announced that from now on he will pretend to not be  antisemitic. —Michael Che

Brooklyn Nets star Kyrie Irving was suspended after he tweeted a link to the antisemitic film Hebrews to Negroes: Wake Up Black America. Coincidentally, Hebrews II Negroes was also the name of my favorite R&B group in the 90s. —Michael Che

Kanye West was suspended from Instagram again for posting a disparaging message about Jewish people. It seems like he’s doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results, which I heard is the definition of..something? —Michael Che

New York City is now requiring employers to disclose salary ranges in all job listings. Employers must list everything ranging from the top salary all the way down to the female salary. —Michael Che

Tensions are on the rise after North Korea launched more than 20 missiles into the ocean and all because The Little Mermaid is black. —Michael Che

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

OK, OK, it’s pot (affordable and easy to use)

Scientists have discovered a painkiller that will not cause addiction. When asked for details about this miracle drug, scientists said, "OK, OK, it’s pot." –Conan O’Brien

At Ohio State University, it was just announced that a tiny human brain has been grown in a lab. Isn't that crazy? And it's already announced its support for Trump for president. –Conan O’Brien

"President Obama's in the news, of course. He's put health care back in the news. Yup. President Obama says he wants to create a national health care plan that's both affordable and easy to use. Yup. Yeah, good. Yeah, and the insurance industry says they'll fight the plan with congressmen who are both affordable and easy to use." --Conan O'Brien June 2009

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Meanwhile, Wonder Man made $121 million for doing the same job (Help! My Dad’s a Nectarine!)

“Wonder Woman” made $100 million at the box office this weekend. Meanwhile, Wonder Man made $121 million for doing the same job. –Seth Meyers

Donald Trump is continuing to draw criticism for his claims that Judge Gonzalo Curiel's Mexican heritage makes him unfit to preside over a lawsuit against Trump University, despite the fact that Curiel was born and raised in Indiana. And when Trump found that out, he said, "Oh, no, he's an Indian, too?" –Seth Meyers

Two Papa John’s employees in Washington State were arrested this week for allegedly delivering cocaine in pizza boxes. Authorities became suspicious when Papa John’s started getting five-star Yelp reviews that were 47 paragraphs long. –Seth Meyers

It is being reported that Ivanka Trump is writing a book titled “Women Who Work: Rewriting the Rules of Success.” Which is better than the original title, “Help! My Dad’s a Nectarine!” –Seth Meyers

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Jimmy Dore: Dumbest Thing Ever Said On Meet The Press!

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

He is our most important judge right after Simon Cowell (that seems sexist to me)

"Man, it was hot today. It was so hot today, Hillary spoke before the Senate topless. This is such a stupid story. The Washington Post has criticized Senator Hillary Clinton for showing cleavage while speaking in front of the Senate. See, that seems sexist to me. They've never gone after Senator Ted Kennedy for doing the exact same thing." --Jay Leno

"A scary incident yesterday for the Chief Justice of the Supreme Court, John Roberts. Luckily, he's okay. He collapsed to the ground outside his vacation home in Maine. Turns out he had a seizure. At first people thought he had just fallen over from leaning too far to the right. For the young people, do you know who John Roberts is? He is our most important judge right after Simon Cowell." --Jay Leno

    

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #JohnHulsecollectedpoems #Bernie2020 #repealreplacerepublicans

And my daughter, Girl Donald (Taking a knee-Me Too)

Trump sent three tweets about how the senators gave him a standing ovation. It’s a big deal for Trump — he hasn’t seen 50 people cheering him on since his inauguration. –Jimmy Fallon

Today when he was talking to reporters, Trump said he has “one of the greatest memories of all time.” Then Trump said, “And if you don’t believe me, ask my sons — Derek and Ron Jr. And my daughter, Girl Donald.” –Jimmy Fallon

      

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #books #Bernie2020 #repealreplacerepublicans

Anniversaries go up to 8?! (Taking a Knee-Me Too)

Sen. Bob Corker said today that President Trump will be remembered for, quote, “the debasement of our nation.” Said Trump, “Fake news! I never go down to debasement! That’s where we keep Eric.” –Seth Meyers

Tomorrow is Ivanka Trump and Jared Kushner’s 8th wedding anniversary. Said Donald Trump, “Anniversaries go up to 8?!” –Seth Meyers

      

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #books #Bernie2020 #repealreplacerepublicans