that's exactly nine months after the Chicago Cubs won the World Series (this is why I make my kids open all their lemonade stands offshore on the Cayman Islands)

Hospitals in Chicago have seen the number of baby deliveries double this month. Which would be remarkable, until you realize that's exactly nine months after the Chicago Cubs won the World Series. –James Corden

An ice cream shop in Scotland has introduced a new flavor made with a very familiar ingredient. It's called Mayonnaise ice cream. Coincidentally, "Mayonnaise ice cream" is also how dermatologists describe my skin tone. --James Corden

A five-year-old girl who ran a lemonade stand in London was fined $195 for not having the proper trading permit. See, this is why I make my kids open all their lemonade stands offshore on the Cayman Islands. –James Corden

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

I ordered the sea bass, they asked if I wanted it regular or unleaded (NOW what's Oprah going to do for her last guest?)

"This oil spill in the Gulf is affecting everybody. In fact, when I went to lunch this weekend and ordered the sea bass, they asked if I wanted it regular or unleaded."  –David Letterman

"When I heard bin Laden had been killed I went, 'Oh, great. NOW what's Oprah going to do for her last guest?'" –David Letterman

"You folks been following the big British Petroleum oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico? I'm telling you, British Petroleum has put more birds in oil than Colonel Sanders." –David Letterman

"Last night, Barack Obama was officially nominated Democratic candidate for President of the United States. And I want to tell you something. I really think things are starting to look bad for Hillary." --David Letterman

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Who wants to see a quarter-pounder with two McNuggets? (So at least he went out with dignity)

September 2013

"Syria is now saying they will agree to give up their chemical weapons if Miley Cyrus agrees to give up whatever it is she is doing." –David Letterman

"Last week Americans viewed 12 times as many stories about Miley Cyrus as they did about Syria. Which is why last night President Obama gave his speech on Syria while rubbing up against Robin Thicke." –Conan O’Brien

"I'm a little bummed out because it looks like the Anthony Weiner madness is finally over. It was so good for talk show hosts, one of the best things that ever happened. As he drove away from reporters, he gave them the finger. So at least he went out with dignity. That's the important thing." –Conan O'Brien

"On his way to his concession speech last night, Anthony Weiner avoided the media by ducking into a McDonalds. Then he created a scene there by saying, 'Who wants to see a quarter-pounder with two McNuggets?'" –Conan O'Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night 

of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

What GOP conspiracy are you? (Hey, sorry, I just saw this)

August 2021

“It must be weird working at the F.D.A. One day you’re approving a life-saving vaccine, the next you’re approving new s’mores-flavored Oreos.” —Jimmy Fallon

“After several months and intense pressure to speed up the process, the F.D.A. approved Pfizer-BioNTech’s Covid vaccine on Monday. It’s about time. Their statement started with, ‘Hey, sorry, I just saw this.’” —Jimmy Fallon

“Yeah, it was approved by the real F.D.A., the Food and Drug Administration, which is not to be confused with the fake F.D.A., the Facebook Doctors Association.” —Jimmy Fallon

“Yeah, this is great news. Although, if it didn’t get approved, I’m not really sure what the options were: Pfizer store credit?” —Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night 

of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

CNN Smears Anti-War Progressive As "Extremist" "Conspiracy Peddler"

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”