They also apologized for airing footage of Ted Cruz, period. (Well, at least THEY do stuff together)

President Trump said this afternoon that he will adopt a "war-like posture" if House Democrats move to investigate him personally. That's right. He's going to develop bone spurs in his feet. --Seth Meyers

MSNBC apologized last night for airing footage of Democratic Senate candidate Beto O'Rourke cursing. They also apologized for airing footage of Ted Cruz, period. --Seth Meyers

According to NBC News, Special Counsel Robert Mueller has gathered enough evidence to charge former national security adviser Michael Flynn and his son as part of the Russia investigation. “Well, at least THEY do stuff together,” yelled Eric. –Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Beto O’Rourke came out to remind people he still exists (like a reunion of Friends)

“But, yes, last night was big for Joe Biden because he got all the endorsements of his former rivals. Yeah, Buttigieg came out to say Joe was the only one who could unite the party, Klobuchar came out to say Joe was the best choice for moderates, and Beto O’Rourke came out to remind people he still exists.” —Trevor Noah

“Yeah, Biden is surging. Last night, he had a big rally where he brought out Pete Buttigieg, Amy Klobuchar and Beto O’Rourke. It was basically Coachella for CNN.” —Jimmy Fallon

“This is like a reunion of ‘Friends’ if some of the friends were gone longer than others and none of them were friends.” —Stephen Colbert

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

It was like watching a really old dog trying to get up on the couch (J-Lo stripper movie)

Did you watch the debate? I watched all three hours of the debate and I gotta say, Jameis Winston looked really good last night. Maybe that wasn’t the debate I was watching? Three hours, come on. I mean by the end of it Mayor Pete looked like he could buy beer. Three hours. It was so long that Cory Booker at one point ducked out to catch that J-Lo stripper movie, and he got back before anyone noticed. --Bill Maher

At the debates Beto O’Rourke went hard on guns. Did you see that? He said, ‘Hell yes, take away your AK-47,’ and when he said AK-47, Joe Biden said Bingo! --Bill Maher

Joe Biden looked pretty good until the end and then he answered a question about slavery reparations and then we're talking about teachers pay and Venezuela and record players. It was like watching a really old dog trying to get up on the couch. --Bill Maher

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

What if someone asks Beto if he likes Queens of the Stone Age? (naked from the waist down)

“Tomorrow night is the third Democratic debate. The top 10 candidates will all be there: Joe Biden, Elizabeth Warren, Bernie Sanders, Mayor Pete, Comptroller Jim, probably Samuel L. Jackson — he’s in everything these days. The Progressive insurance lady, although Bernie thinks she’s not progressive enough.” --Stephen Colbert

“ABC News sent an email that said, ‘We will not be broadcasting on any delay, so there will be no opportunity to edit out foul language.’ Which, I don’t know, that doesn’t seem fair to me. I mean, what if Bernie’s sciatica is acting up? What if someone asks Beto if he likes Queens of the Stone Age?” --Jimmy Kimmel

“Joe Biden better watch his ‘malarkeys’ and his ‘Jiminy Christmases.’” --Stephen Colbert

“The third Democratic primary debate is tomorrow night — ‘and I’m going to be gaffe-free this time,’ said Joe Biden, naked from the waist down.” --Seth Meyers

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Why aren't my speeches getting more likes? (You're Shaggy from Scooby-Doo)

Let's get to some news. I saw that President Trump just met with the CEO of Twitter, Jack Dorsey. I heard that Trump complained about losing Twitter followers. Just like when Abraham Lincoln met with his generals and said, "Why aren't my speeches getting more likes?" --Jimmy Fallon

And get this -- I read that since Pete Buttigieg has become more popular, Beto O'Rourke's popularity has gone down. They're both young, charismatic guys, and a lot of people think Buttigieg stole Beto's thunder. And, honestly, I kind of feel bad for the guy. So it's time for a candidate intervention. Beto, my man, take a deep breath. There's a long way to go until the 2020 election. But if you want to get back on track, here's some advice. You got to cool it with the blue shirts, bro. There's just too many of them. It's insane. You look exactly the same every day. It's like one of the Brooks brothers got stuck inside Groundhog Day. --Jimmy Fallon

And Beto please, please stop standing on your minivan. You can't become President if you're standing on a van down by the river! So, Beto, do some interviews, do a Town Hall, because Mayor Pete's coming in hot. And right now, you're just a dude who supports legal marijuana, wears the same shirt every day, and rides around in a van. You're Shaggy from "Scooby-Doo." --Jimmy Fallon

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Do what I do, choose neither (Republican Bedtime Story)

Speaking of Beto O'Rourke, he's been able to campaign more than anyone, because right now he doesn't have a job. So he's actually been driving around the country in a rented Dodge minivan. Let me get this straight. One of the top Democratic candidates is a 40-year-old unemployed guy living out of a van? Perfect. Sounds about right. --Jimmy Fallon

That's right, Trump and Kellyanne Conway’s husband are in a huge Twitter feud right now. But Kellyanne says that she's not being asked to choose between her marriage and her job. And Trump was like, "Do what I do, choose neither." --Jimmy Fallon

Kirsten Gillibrand topped the poll for which candidate probably owns a sign that says, "It's wine o'clock." --Jimmy Fallon

Later this year, the creators of Game of Thrones are going to start shooting some new Star Wars films. Very exciting for fans who love the Star Wars movies but always thought they could use a little more incest. --Jimmy Fallon

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Some of the most prestigious asshole factories in America (Trump is already calling them a caravan)

Let's get right to the big story. Becky from Full House might go to jail for cheating her kids into college. I have shocking news for everyone here tonight. Rich people cheat and their kids are fucking stupid. 50 people have been charged in this massive scheme to bribe coaches and administration officials so their kids could get into elite colleges, and the schools involved we're talking about Yale, Stanford, Georgetown. Some of the most prestigious asshole factories in America. --Bill Maher

I thought celebrities would know better. You know if your kids too stupid to get into college you don't bribe and cheat. You put them in Scientology. --Bill Maher

Beto O’Rourke just announced his candidacy for president. That makes 15 democrats running. Trump is already calling them a caravan. --Bill Maher

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

That's fine. I don't believe in Italy (No one surprise her!)

Tomorrow is Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg's 85th birthday. No one surprise her! --Seth Meyers

Italy implemented new laws this week that will fine parents up to $560 for sending unvaccinated children to school if they're between the ages of 6 and 16. Said anti-vaxxers, "That's fine. I don't believe in Italy." --Seth Meyers

Former representative Beto O'Rourke announced today he is running for president. Said Trump, "Wow. So, either way, there's going to be a hot guy in The White House." --Seth Meyers

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

You can keep your job or you can keep your dignity, but...You can't do both (amount of lobbyist money received)

People are starting to realize a fundamental truth about working for Donald Trump. You can keep your job or you can keep your dignity, but...You can't do both. --Seth Meyers

President Trump misspelled the word "border" today, Trump spelled it “Boarder”, when tweeting about border security. Now, I don't want to get on Trump about every misspelling, but come on. I understand how you can misspell "Melania," but... the wall is the actual love of your life. --Seth Meyers

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

That’s the thing about Florida though. It’s unpredictable. (a campaign of garlic and crosses)

Senator Ted Cruz was able to retain his senate seat by beating popular challenger Beto O’Rourke, despite Beto running a campaign of garlic and crosses. --Michael Che, SNL

One state that surprised me was Florida. In their ballot initiatives, they decided to let felons vote. They banned greyhound racing and banned indoor vaping. So basically, they banned Florida. That’s the thing about Florida though. It’s unpredictable. On any given day you might have a lovely day at Disney World or you might get stabbed for your curly fries in a Checkers parking lot. --Colin Jost, SNL

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Of course, it's easy to defy history when you literally don't know any of it (They also apologized for airing footage of Ted Cruz, period)

President Trump said today that after last night's election, the Republicans defied history and expanded their Senate majority. Of course, it's easy to defy history when you literally don't know any of it. --Seth Meyers

President Trump said this afternoon that he will adopt a "war-like posture" if House Democrats move to investigate him personally. That's right. He's going to develop bone spurs in his feet. --Seth Meyers

MSNBC apologized last night for airing footage of Democratic Senate candidate Beto O'Rourke cursing. They also apologized for airing footage of Ted Cruz, period. --Seth Meyers

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Don't worry, I'm building an ark. And Mexico is going to pay for it (Eating your Prime Minister)

Everyone is preparing for Hurricane Florence as it heads toward the East Coast. Today in the Oval Office, Trump spoke about the storm. He really knows what he's talking about: [Trump clip] "They haven't seen anything like what's coming at us in 25, 30 years. Maybe ever. It's tremendously big and tremendously wet." [Imitating Trump] "Don't worry, I'm building an ark. And Mexico is going to pay for it." --Jimmy Fallon

Republican officials are worried that Ted Cruz will lose his re-election campaign because he's not likable enough — especially compared to his opponent, Beto O'Rourke. And they might be right about his likability. Look at the way both candidates answer some basic questions. When asked, "What do you like to do in your spare time?" O'Rourke said, "Play guitar." Ted Cruz said, "Organize my documents." --Jimmy Fallon

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”