NHL: Philadelphia Flyers vs Edmonton Oilers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s The Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

You refuse to see it when it's the reality you're living in (So finally something good is going to come out of Donald Trump)

"At a basketball game, the President and Michelle Obama got caught off-guard on a kiss cam. Meanwhile, Mitt Romney was caught off-guard by the show us your tax returns cam." –Conan O'Brien

A store in Houston is selling Donald Trump piñatas filled with candy. So finally something good is going to come out of Donald Trump. —Conan O’Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Not affected by this recall, Kid Rock (it'll reopen as soon as he's done)

67,000 cases of power stick deodorant are being recalled by order of the FDA. Not affected by this recall, Kid Rock. —Greg Gutfeld

A Seattle judge has closed a local beach for rampant nudity and public sex, and it'll reopen as soon as he's done. —Greg Gutfeld 

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

NHL: Florida Panthers vs Edmonton Oilers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

See, crime does pay (Good. That's a start.)

"President Obama met with Wall Street executives today. He told them to stop fighting this financial reform. But the Wall Street executives are kind of copping an attitude with the president. You know, I got an idea. Forget financial reform. Let's put them in prison. Call it prison reform. See how they like it then." –Jay Leno

"Today President Obama released his long-form birth certificate, proving once and for all he was born in this country. But you know, it never ends. Now Republican leaders are saying they want to see the placenta." –Jay Leno

"Last week, President Obama gave a speech in New York City about his plan to reform these rules on Wall Street, you know? And one embarrassing moment. When the head of Goldman Sachs was going through security, he was asked to empty his pockets and five Republican senators fell out." –Jay Leno

"There are 249 millionaires in Congress. See, crime does pay." –Jay Leno

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Get pregnant with us (Like)

American Airlines has introduced a new first-class option called Flagship Suites that features privacy doors, a cool-touch pillow, and a lie-flat bed. Which explains their new slogan: American Airlines. Get pregnant with us. —Colin Jost

A Lamborghini yacht off the coast of Miami Beach sank while carrying more than 30 social-media influencers. Like. —Colin Jost

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

What if I told you... (a pork-flavored lollipop)

Hollywood thinks we're idiots for wanting exciting movies with relatable heroes. So instead they gave you a musical celebrating a transgender drug dealer. Amelia Perez got 13 Oscar nominations and sold about 13 tickets. But you got to admit getting neutered helps you hit the high notes. —Greg Gutfeld

Movie theaters can throw in all the goodies they want, but it won't help if the movies suck harder than The View on a pork-flavored lollipop. —Greg Gutfeld

Rather than make movies people want to go see they offer crap that actually makes the experience worse. And you know what that reminds me of? You guessed it, the Democrat party. Instead of approving the product they keep appealing to their worst customers. Even the New York Times admits it. The rag put out a scathing rebuke of the party, saying they're in denial of their 2024 election loss. The Times of all places even say even says they moved too far to the left. Hell, that's like Chris Christie telling you to lay off the donuts. —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

I don't know what to believe anymore! (that’s amateur hour said Mitch McConnell)

Over the weekend a 4.1 magnitude earthquake shook Los Angeles. The Tremors were so strong LA mayor Karen Bass felt them in Africa. The aftershocks were so intense Gavin Newsom's hair actually moved. In fact one was so strong it actually it actually flipped Gavin back to his original position on trans athletes. —Greg Gutfeld

Over the weekend a guy broke the world record for standing in the same spot for 38 hours straight breaking the previous record of everyone who has been to the DMV. But 38 hours without moving that’s amateur hour said Mitch McConnell. —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

What a genius, he'll be missed (Good. That's a start.)

Well it's official. Michael Jordan is leaving baseball to return to basketball. It is unclear whether the media will now refer to him by his old basketball nickname, Air Jordan, or his more recent baseball nickname, Senior Crappie. --Norm Macdonald, SNL

Dr. James Watts, a neurosurgeon who performed the first frontal lobotomy died this week in Washington. If you recall, a lobotomy involves drilling holes in the skull and then inserting and rotating a knife to destroy brain cells. What a genius, he'll be missed. --Norm Macdonald, SNL

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

NHL: Toronto Maple Leafs vs Edmonton Oilers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth

and Orwell’s 1984.”

It’s the first time in history that a health inspector has ever issued a rating of “NOPE.” (accurately describing)

And finally some French news, or as they call it in France, News. The first restaurant in Paris created exclusively for naked diners has announced it’s closing due to a lack of customers. It’s a shame. Is this a shock to anyone? Scalding hot soup and no pants do not mix. They obviously had some problems. It’s the first time in history that a health inspector has ever issued a rating of “NOPE.” --James Corden

After all the headaches and the drama of a month-long government shutdown, Donald Trump ended up with less money for a wall that he was offered before the shutdown started. That’s right, another masterful deal for President Business. --James Corden

President Trump said he accomplished a lot of things on his trip, but North Korea seems to have a different opinion because yesterday North Korea state media published a scathing review of President Trump's trip to Asia. They said Trump displayed his "true colors as an old lunatic, mean trickster and human reject." Now you listen here, North Korea, we may not like him either, but that is the president of the United States you're accurately describing. –James Corden

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

And, fun fact, if an American flag and a diaper are struck by lightning they create a Sean Hannity (The Keanu Reeves Three-fold Path)

Gen-Z icon Kyle Rittenhouse is petitioning the court for the return of his rifle so he can destroy it. I don’t know, be careful Kyle. Trying to get your memorabilia back is how they got O.J. —Colin Jost

A man in Ohio was seen protesting stay-at-home orders while wearing an American flag and a diaper said the man, "We need to reopen the oooo-conomy.” And, fun fact, if an American flag and a diaper are struck by lightning they create a Sean Hannity. —Colin Jost

M&M’s announced that they’ve redesigned their iconic M&M characters after people requested that the brown M&M not look like a teacher that has sex with her students. —Colin Jost

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

And the third most dangerous was somehow Detroit again (Hey, no spoilers!)

Researchers have recently found that binge-watching TV shows can raise the risk of chronic disease and early death. Said binge-watchers, “Hey, no spoilers!” –Seth Meyers

Video has surfaced of employees of a Southern California Pizza Hut smoking marijuana on the job during New Year’s Eve. Which explains why every pizza they delivered that night only had two slices left. –Seth Meyers

"According to a new report, Detroit, Michigan, is the most dangerous city in the country with Oakland, California, coming in second. And the third most dangerous was somehow Detroit again." –Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

I’m gonna go out on a limb here, he wasn’t invited to the orgy (We will investigate the feasibility of an orgy at a later date)

March 2022

“Speaking of right-wing weirdos, there’s some splashback to the story from North Carolina congressman and haunted jack-in-the-box, Madison Cawthorn. Recently, Cawthorn made some extraordinary claims that his Republican colleagues in Congress are orgy-frequenting degenerates with a fondness for hard drugs. Given the average age of the G.O.P., I assume they’re snorting Boniva.” —Stephen Colbert

“Come on, man, do you really expect us to believe that Congress could plan and execute an orgy? At best, I can see them announcing an exploratory committee that would begin to investigate the feasibility of an orgy at a later date.” —Seth Meyers

“House G.O.P. leader Kevin McCarthy called Cawthorn into his office today, maybe hoping to score an invite or to tell him to stop narcing.” —Seth Meyers

“Rep. Dan Crenshaw of Texas said, ‘It does paint the picture here that isn’t accurate.’ Thank god, because that picture is too awful to be real. I’ve interviewed 80 members of Congress, and I’d have sex with two and a half of them. Not at the same time, of course — I’m not in the G.O.P.” —Stephen Colbert

“This whole group of pro-Trump toadies is just so weird and loathsome, like Texas Senator Ted Cruz, for example, who, I’m gonna go out on a limb here, wasn’t invited to the orgy.” —Seth Meyers

“Oh, please don’t name names, because all those names go with faces we know.” —Seth Meyers

“Also, I got to say, if they were having orgies and doing cocaine, I would actually find that impressive. I mean, they’re all 70 and 80 years old. If you told me Chuck Grassley was snorting blow and boning nonstop, I’d be like, ‘Damn, maybe he’s more with it than I thought.’” —Seth Meyers

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Can you get it from pulling stuff out of your a**? (Not ready to be unplugged)

​​But don’t worry about it because Donald Trump, MD is on the case.  He graduated from Trump University School of Medicine. This man is a fountain of misinformation. This week he said it’s okay for people infected with the virus to go to work, which raises the question, can you get it from pulling stuff out of your ass? —Bill Maher

"President Obama met with the Republicans for seven hours. And he was very patient with them. He praised them when it was appropriate, he was gently critical when necessary. It was like watching a really good special ed teacher." –Bill Maher

"The big scandal is that CPAC did not invite the one most popular Republican in the country, Chris Christie, because apparently they're mad at him because during Hurricane Sandy, he hugged Obama. In their world, you're only allowed to touch a black person if he handed you a 7-wood and shot a hole in one." –Bill Maher

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Who's that guy groping Fallon? (Or even see one up close)

February 2014

"We have first lady Michelle Obama on the show tonight. Security's very tight backstage. Before I came out, this one guy spent like five minutes patting me down — and then the Secret Service showed up and said, 'Who's that guy groping Fallon?'" –Jimmy Fallon

"On Tuesday, President Obama hosted a White House screening of the new movie 'The Monuments Men.' Or as Biden called it, 'NOT 'The Lego Movie.''" –Jimmy Fallon

"A new report just came out that some companies, especially tech companies, are not hiring enough female employees. But guys who run tech companies say they'd love to hire more women. Or talk to them. Or meet them. Or even see one up close." –Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Who's knocking on my door at this hour? (What if I told you...)

May 2012

"Well, as you know, President Obama was in Afghanistan earlier this week, as part of his big 'Did I Mention I killed bin Laden?' tour." –Jay Leno

"The Army is releasing Osama bin Laden documents including his final words. I think they were, 'Who's knocking on my door at this hour?'" –Jay Leno

"President Obama admitted this week that a former girlfriend that he wrote about in his autobiography was made up and not a real person. So Obama had an imaginary girlfriend. Big deal! He had an imaginary economic plan. It’s all the same." –Jay Leno

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s The Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

she looks like Neo from "The Matrix" if he shopped at Talbots (eat all the pieces)

Things would be a lot easier for Trump if he still had Republicans in Congress to protect him. But now he has to deal with Democrats as they prepare to take control of the House. And right now Trump is fighting with them over the budget. Trump wants money for his border wall, and Nancy Pelosi has been adamant that he won't get it. And I'm just gonna guess, from looking at the two of them, that Pelosi is going to win. I mean, look at the two of them. He looks like he had a panic attack in a steam room, and she looks like Neo from "The Matrix" if he shopped at Talbots. --Seth Meyers

Trump's like a guy who gets checkmated in chess and says, "I was gonna say that." And then you'd say, "Why would you say that? You didn't checkmate me." Then he'd just eat all the pieces. --Seth Meyers

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

You'll love TrumpCare (The Matrix)

Republicans are calling the plan “Bettercare,” as in: Just imagine how much better this plan would be if the people who wrote it cared. –Jimmy Kimmel

It slashes Medicaid, which could negatively affect millions of poor and elderly people. But here’s the thing, it won’t happen until 2024. It’s gradual. Which makes you wonder: Why 2024? What is the significance of that? Will we all be in those pods from “The Matrix” by then, we won’t need healthcare? –Jimmy Kimmel

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #FeeltheBern @justicedems @BrandNew535