After hearing this, Trump promised to hunt down bin Laden and sleep with an intern (gift baskets)

Amazon Prime just unveiled new buttons you can press to order Doritos, Red Bull, and Trojan condoms. Or as that's called in New Jersey, “A gift basket.” –Jimmy Fallon

Donald Trump’s approval rating is worse than Obama’s lowest, and worse than Bill Clinton’s lowest. After hearing this, Trump promised to hunt down bin Laden and sleep with an intern. –Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Wait, this still isn't marijuana? (gift baskets)

Amazon Prime just unveiled new buttons you can press to order Doritos, Red Bull, and Trojan condoms. Or as that's called in New Jersey, “A gift basket.” –Jimmy Fallon

A new study found that many popular oregano brands are really olive leaves and other leaves falsely labeled as oregano. Or as high school stoners put it, “Wait, this still isn't marijuana?” –Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Political analysts are calling it a bold move that could change nothing (This is outta my league, bro)

"Jamaica is reportedly close to passing a measure that would legalize marijuana. Yeah, in Jamaica. Political analysts are calling it a bold move that could change nothing." –Jimmy Fallon

"CNN plans to air a 90-minute documentary on Mitt Romney before the Republican National Convention. Yeah, 90 minutes of Mitt Romney. Even Red Bull is like, 'This is outta my league, bro.'" –Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Russia was in my cereal this morning (gift baskets)

This is pretty cool. Scientists have built a 6'10" robot that can hit perfect three-pointers. Unfortunately, rival scientists built a 6'11" robot that can say, "Not in my house." --Jimmy Fallon

President Trump has been keeping busy. He just met with the leaders of Latvia, Estonia, and Lithuania. And until that meeting, Trump thought Latvia, Estonia, and Lithuania were cast members on "Real Housewives." [imitates Trump] "Do you know Melania?" --Jimmy Fallon

Amazon Prime just unveiled new buttons you can press to order Doritos, Red Bull, and Trojan condoms. Or as that's called in New Jersey, “A gift basket.” –Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

This is outta my league, bro (the rest of the team gets paid in Panera coupons)

“Thirty-seven year old LeBron James just agreed to a two-year, $97 million contract extension with the Los Angeles Lakers. Thirty-seven isn’t that old, but in Los Angeles he’s 150. Yep, $97 million for LeBron, which means the rest of the team gets paid in Panera coupons.” —Jimmy Fallon

"CNN plans to air a 90-minute documentary on Mitt Romney before the Republican National Convention. Yeah, 90 minutes of Mitt Romney. Even Red Bull is like, 'This is outta my league, bro.'" –Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.” 

 

This is no accident - it's capitalism (amazingly no one was rear-ended)

“A brand of peanut butter is being sold called Steam which contains more caffeine than a Red Bull. It’s perfect for that creep who wants that dog to just go to town down there.” —Michael Che

“A video has been posted of a porn star and her boyfriend having sex in a Tesla while it was driving an autopilot and amazingly no one was rear-ended.” —Michael Che

“A man on an African safari fell off a horse while being chased by a lion. ‘Well that was a close one,’ said the horse.” —Michael Che

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

After that, your day and his day start to diverge pretty wildly (He still holds a narrow lead over "Not Sure")

Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson put out a new alarm clock app today which includes a feature that will sync with The Rock's calendar so fans can wake up at the same time as him. After that, your day and his day start to diverge pretty wildly. –Seth Meyers

A source has told Axios that President Trump is triggered by the leaks about special counsel Robert Mueller's investigation, and his instinct is always to be on the offensive. So yeah, it’s not a real good time to meet with the leader of North Korea. Before he leaves, let's also give him a bunch of Red Bull and remind him Hillary won the popular vote. --Seth Meyers

Indiana is holding its primary today, and Donald Trump is currently leading Ted Cruz by 15 points. While John Kasich still holds a narrow lead over "Not Sure." –Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

My staffers have been playing that prank on me for six months! (A gift basket)

“Yesterday was April Fool's Day and get this: Mitt Romney's staffers played a prank on him by staging a campaign event in an empty room. Or as Newt Gingrich put it, 'My staffers have been playing that prank on me for six months!'" –Jimmy Fallon

Amazon Prime just unveiled new buttons you can press to order Doritos, Red Bull, and Trojan condoms. Or as that's called in New Jersey, “A gift basket.” –Jimmy Fallon

“A new survey says 64 percent of Americans own a smartphone. Which is interesting because in a related survey, 100 percent of smartphones say they own an American.” —Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Nice to meet you, Eric Piñata. (This is outta my league, bro.)

Donald Trump made a surprise trip to Mexico for a meeting with the country’s president, Enrique Peña Nieto. Or as Trump put it, “Nice to meet you, Eric Piñata.” –Jimmy Fallon

In an interview this week, Jeb Bush said that if he had a magic wand, there are at least ten things that he would like to change about the Constitution. Then Jeb Bush was given the prize for "lamest use of a magic wand." --Jimmy Fallon

"CNN plans to air a 90-minute documentary on Mitt Romney before the Republican National Convention. Yeah, 90 minutes of Mitt Romney. Even Red Bull is like, 'This is outta my league, bro.'" –Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Or as that's called in New Jersey, “A gift basket.” (Dude, these came out of your seat!)

At the same event, Education Secretary Betsy DeVos read a book to a group of little kids. It was a sweet moment when one of the kids said, "Sound it out, Betsy. You can do it." --Jimmy Fallon

“Ted Cruz raised over a million dollars after announcing that he’s running for president. Which is why today RadioShack announced that it is also running for president.” —Jimmy Fallon

Amazon Prime just unveiled new buttons you can press to order Doritos, Red Bull, and Trojan condoms. Or as that's called in New Jersey, “A gift basket.” –Jimmy Fallon

“Republican candidate Ted Cruz said recently that in the 36 hours after he announced that he's running for president, he’s raised over a million dollars. And Hillary Clinton closed her checkbook and said, “Happy to help. Can't wait.” —Jimmy Fallon

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Now their biggest export is bad guys in ‘John Wick’ movies (filling their cars with Red Bull and hoping for the best)

“President Biden announced a ban of imported Russian oil, gas and coal on Tuesday. The move prompted fears of higher prices at the pump. Yeah, this is devastating for Russia. Now their biggest export is bad guys in ‘John Wick’ movies.” —Jimmy Fallon

“That’s right, gas prices were already on the rise, and with the decision to ban Russian oil, they’re higher than ever before. Gas prices are so high, the Indy 500 was changed to the Indy 5.” —Jimmy Fallon

“Of course, we’ve got to get oil from somewhere else, which is why today, Biden looked at Rudy Giuliani and was like, ‘Let’s get you in the sauna, buddy.’” —Jimmy Fallon

“Gas prices are so high, this morning, parents were like: ‘All right, kids, we’re Amish now. Let’s get in the buggy — we’re taking the horse to school.’” —Jimmy Fallon

“Gas prices are so high, Americans are just filling their cars with Red Bull and hoping for the best.” —Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/02/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

This is outta my league, bro (Whoa — is it noon already?)

August 2012

"Actually, Mitt Romney and Hurricane Isaac have something in common. They can both change directions at any moment." –Jay Leno

"CNN plans to air a 90-minute documentary on Mitt Romney before the Republican National Convention. Yeah, 90 minutes of Mitt Romney. Even Red Bull is like, 'This is outta my league, bro.'" –Jimmy Fallon

"New research found that people who wake up early are more productive than people who sleep in. Or as Congress put it, 'Whoa — is it noon already?'" –Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Does the C in CBS stand for cluster****? (cocaine mashed potatoes)

“The South Carolina debate was a disaster. Does the C in CBS stand for cluster[expletive]?” —Seth Meyers

“It was like ‘The View’ meets Red Bull meets ‘The Real Housewives.’” —Jimmy Fallon

“Meanwhile, after the debate, President Trump tried to tweet that Elizabeth Warren is ‘a choker’ but had some trouble spelling the word. He wrote she is a ‘chocker.’ When his staff pointed out the typo, Trump quickly tweeted, ‘LOL, guys, I was just jocking.’” —Jimmy Fallon

“I mean, that was like watching a family dinner if the special ingredient in the mashed potatoes was cocaine. I’ve seen more polite conversations between New Yorkers fighting over a cab.” —Seth Meyers

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

a sixth branch of the military called the "Space Force." (The Ludovico Technique)

A source has told Axios that President Trump is triggered by the leaks about special counsel Robert Mueller's investigation, and his instinct is always to be on the offensive. So yeah, real good time to meet with the leader of North Korea. Before he leaves, let's also give him a bunch of Red Bull and remind him Hillary won the popular vote. --Seth Meyers

President Trump said yesterday he is seriously thinking of creating a sixth branch of the military called the "Space Force." They'll patrol the distant reaches between him and Melania. --Seth Meyers

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Mitt Romney and Hurricane Isaac have something in common

"Actually, Mitt Romney and Hurricane Isaac have something in common. They can both change directions at any moment." –Jay Leno







"CNN plans to air a 90-minute documentary on Mitt Romney before the Republican National Convention. Yeah, 90 minutes of Mitt Romney. Even Red Bull is like, 'This is outta my league, bro.'" –Jimmy Fallon



"A hurricane is scheduled to hit Tampa during the Republican Convention. These winds are so strong they could actually blow some of Mitt Romney's money back in the United States." –Jay Leno



John Hulse painting