I'm going to have to sit down for most of this (multiply that occurrence by 1.8 million)

I'm so fat when I get my shoes shined I have to take the boot blacks word for it. —Norm Macdonald

Porn actor Ron Jeremy is back at work after having open heart surgery. I think this is interesting, the name of his next feature is going to be called I'm going to have to sit down for most of this. —Norm Macdonald

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.” 

 

We totally caught ourselves by surprise (all of them orange)

“But meanwhile, this U.S. exit from Syria was so sudden and hasty, we actually had to bomb one of our own bases to destroy the ammunition that was left behind. Thanks to Donald Trump, our genius commander in chief, the U.S. military is now bombing itself. And it was a success, too. We totally caught ourselves by surprise.” --Jimmy Kimmel

A calcium score over 100 indicates a high risk of heart attack or heart disease within three to five years. Trump’s number is 133, but his doctor says he’s in excellent health. Claims he passed a cognitive test with flying colors — all of them orange. --Jimmy Kimmel

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

He's only winning states with a huge African-American population -- like Maine (You're bored?)

This week, Wisconsin is hosting the U.S. Cheese Championship. Once again, the winner is expected to be “Heart Disease.” –Conan O’Brien

"Since losing the election, Mitt Romney is reportedly bored. After hearing this, Ann Romney said, 'You're bored? I'm sitting around all day with Mitt Romney.'" –Conan O'Brien

"Senator Hillary Clinton has now lost eight primaries in a row to Barack Obama. Hillary dismissed Obama's success by saying, 'He's only winning states with a huge African-American population -- like Maine.'" --Conan O'Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Would you all NOT stand together like that? (you don’t give equal time to the train)

A calcium score over 100 indicates a high risk of heart attack or heart disease within three to five years. Trump’s number is 133, but his doctor says he’s in excellent health. Claims he passed a cognitive test with flying colors — all of them orange. --Jimmy Kimmel

Speaking of fake news, today is the day the president promised to hand out his most corrupt and dishonest media awards. Trump continually complains that coverage by the mainstream media is negative. And that is true, of course it’s been negative — when you cover a train wreck you don’t give equal time to the train. --Jimmy Kimmel

A magisterial collection.

An emotional roller coaster.

Soon to be a cult classic.

A combination of Bukowski’s

Last Night On Earth

and Orwell’s 1984.

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

JOKES: Have you hugged your millionaire today? (A Day Without Women)

Tomorrow, there’s a protest across the country known as “A Day Without Women.” In fairness, I celebrated “A Day Without Women” all through my 20s. –Conan O’Brien

This week, Wisconsin is hosting the U.S. Cheese Championship. Once again, the winner is expected to be “Heart Disease.” –Conan O’Brien

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

But Not One Penny for early childhood education (weapons systems)

During an interview yesterday, Donald Trump told his supporters not to harass Latinos and Muslims. “Uh-oh,” said black people. –Seth Meyers

Donald Trump told supporters last night not to harass Latinos and Muslims, saying, “I will say right to the cameras, ‘Stop it’” — and then he winked so hard his wig unsnapped. –Seth Meyers

According to The New York Times, Donald Trump wants to continue holding large rallies after he takes office — and Hillary Clinton wants to continue hiking deeper and deeper into the woods. –Seth Meyers

A new study revealed that having a pint of beer every day can help prevent strokes and heart disease — so this one is on me, Justice Ginsburg. Keep going. –Seth Meyers

A new scientific study shows rats are capable of laughter if they are tickled the correct way. The rats were like, “Why aren’t you trying to cure cancer?” –Seth Meyers