How the war machine took over the Democrats w/ Dennis Kucinich | The Chris Hedges Report

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

I already thought he was the Republican candidate (That seems a little high)

"Donald Trump said he can't make a final decision about whether he will run for president or not until this season of 'Celebrity Apprentice' is over. Which is maybe the best excuse from a guy who might run for the presidency ever — I am unable to decide on whether or not I will run for President until I decide whether Latoya Jackson or Jose Canseco will be my new Apprentice. Maybe he should ease into this — by running for a lower office first, like President of the Hair Club for Men." –Jimmy Kimmel 4/7/2011

"President Obama said he plans on running for re-election against the Republicans. After the tax cuts for the rich, the bailouts for Wall Street, and the bombing in Libya, I already thought he was the Republican candidate." –Jay Leno 4/4/2011

"The White House is saying Donald Trump has 'zero percent chance' of being elected. That seems a little high." –David Letterman 4/12/2011

"Dennis Kucinich wants to impeach President Obama over Libya. There's a very good case against impeachment. It's called Joe Biden." –Jay Leno 3/24/2011

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

It's like he took the Nobel Peace Prize as an insult (It's called Joe Biden)

"Insiders say that Trump is running for president as a publicity stunt. That's not the Donald Trump I know." –David Letterman 4/12/2011

"Donald Trump insists that he is going to run for president. I guess he figures if he can pull off that hairstyle, he can do anything." –Jimmy Kimmel 

"Dennis Kucinich wants to impeach President Obama over Libya. There's a very good case against impeachment. It's called Joe Biden." –Jay Leno 3/24/2011

"President Obama escalated the war in Afghanistan, he sent the Navy in to shoot at pirates in the Indian Ocean, and now he's attacking Libya. It's like he took the Nobel Peace Prize as an insult." –Jimmy Kimmel 3/28/2011

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

We scientists don't know how to do that (he's totally focused on winning the Heisman)

"At a press conference yesterday, for the first time, President Bush acknowledged the existence of secret CIA prisons. Then the president added, 'but don't tell anybody.'" --Conan O'Brien

"It was announced this week that over the summer, Hillary Clinton's campaign raised $27 million, while Barack Obama's campaign raised $22 million. In a related story, Dennis Kucinich found a nickel between the couch cushions." --Conan O'Brien

"Earlier this year,  Al Gore won an Emmy and an Oscar. Now that he's won a Nobel Peace Prize, some people say he may run for president. Gore says he's not even thinking about the presidency 'cause he's totally focused on winning the Heisman." --Conan O'Brien

"Hillary Clinton says she's going to reach out to health care employees by working a shift as a nurse at a hospital. When he heard about this, Bill Clinton was upset and said, 'Great. This will ruin the plot of my favorite porn movie.'" --Conan O'Brien

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Hold on, God's texting me (The Rapture got rained out)

David Letterman's "Top Ten Harold Camping Excuses" 

(For the Rapture Not Happening)

10. "Rapture got rained out"

9. "Forgot to carry the 1"

8. "Dates got screwed up because of the Jewish holidays"

7. "Que?"

6. "Hold on, God's texting me . . . Yeah, it's been postponed"

5. "Don't blame me! I voted for Kucinich"

4. "To prevent bear attack, be sure to suspend all food and trash in a tree. I'm sorry, that's from ‘Top Ten Wilderness Camping Tips’"

3. "At 89, I can't remember how to operate the toaster"

2. "Didn't everybody's world end when ‘Oprah’ was canceled?"

1. "I'm crazy"

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

When Black History Month is over, it’s really over (It's called Joe Biden)

"President Obama returned from South America and found the White House door locked. The NFL players are locked out. President Obama is locked out. When Black History Month is over, it’s really over." –Jimmy Kimmel

"House Speaker John Boehner says President Obama should have clearly outlined his exact plans before bombing Libya. Apparently it's only Iraq where you don't have to do that." –Jay Leno

"Dennis Kucinich wants to impeach President Obama over Libya. There's a very good case against impeachment. It's called Joe Biden." –Jay Leno

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

He left behind a bar tab of $3.2 billion (Bush would become acting president)

"The former president of Russia, Boris 'buy me a drink' Yeltsin, has passed away. He left behind a bar tab of $3.2 billion." --Jay Leno

"Presidential candidate Dennis Kucinich introduced articles of impeachment against Vice President Dick Cheney. Do you know what would happen if Cheney was impeached? George Bush would become acting president." --Jay Leno

"There was a prison riot in Indianapolis today. Over 35 former congressmen were involved." --Jay Leno

A magisterial collection.

An emotional roller coaster.

Soon to be a cult classic.

A combination of Bukowski’s

Last Night On Earth

and Orwell’s 1984.

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

In 1672 an angry mob killed and ate their Prime Minister (Options. Just sayin')

"But with months until the primaries, there's only so much dirt you can dig up on these people. We already know that Barack Obama went to a radical madrasa and that Dennis Kucinich's paternal grandfather was the Lorax." --Stephen Colbert

"The 2008 presidential election is heating up. We have narrowed down the field to 18 candidates. 19, if you count Hillary's emotional baggage." --Stephen Colbert

A magisterial collection.

An emotional roller coaster.

Soon to be a cult classic.

A combination of Bukowski’s

Last Night On Earth

and Orwell’s 1984.

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

al Qaeda is claiming credit for the vague ending of The Sopranos (giving him the lead role in E.T.)

"Director Steven Spielberg has announced that he will endorse  Hillary Clinton for president. He says he likes Hillary because she combines the warmth of the raptors in 'Jurassic Park' with the charisma of the mashed potato tower in 'Close Encounters.' You'd think he'd endorse Dennis Kucinich after giving him the lead role in 'E.T.'" --Jimmy Kimmel

"This just in: al Qaeda is claiming credit for the vague ending of 'The Sopranos.'" --David Letterman

A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster.

Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s

Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-

collected-poems-1985-2015.html

Roy Moore: Grooming Our Children for the Future (tick bites)

"A gay rights group sponsored a debate among the Democratic presidential candidates to discuss gay issues. Dennis Kucinich might be getting a little desperate - he showed up wearing all leather." --Jay Leno

"In a recent interview, President Bush's father said he gets upset when people tell him his son is doing a bad job. Bush's dad went on to say, 'You'd think after 60 years I'd be used to it.'" --Jay Leno

"The results of President's Bush's annual physical were released yesterday. It revealed that last year President Bush got a rash from a tick bite. After hearing this, Bill Clinton said, "A rash from a tick bite? I'll have to remember that one." --Jay Leno

    

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #JohnHulsecollectedpoems #Bernie2020 #repealreplacerepublicans

he's an enigma wrapped in a riddle shrouded in a mystery on an elliptical machine (butter sculpting)

    

"One of the most important bellwethers for the Republican presidential campaign took place this weekend, the Iowa straw poll. Anyone who was there will tell you it is a hugely significant, non-binding event that takes place at a country fair immediately following the butter sculpting. 

And guess who won this year? ME! That’s right. Me, and the Colbert bump. Of course, the numerical winner was Mitt Romney [on screen: A puppet from Sesame Street.] 

I believe the big story was zillion-to-one shot, presidential not-too-hopeful, Mike Huckabee. Now how did he make that kind of impact? Simple, Governor Huckabee has twice appeared on the 'Report,' and one of those times I even listened to what he said. 

First tier! When I heard that, my first thought was 'what have I done?' Even Dennis Kucinich was asking, 'who the hell is Mike Huckabee?' 

Huckabee is pro-gun, he doesn't believe in evolution, and he's pro-weight loss, though, I still don't understand why he didn't take my suggestion to make his campaign slogan 'No Fatties.' 

But other than that folks, he's an enigma wrapped in a riddle shrouded in a mystery on an elliptical machine." --Stephen Colbert

     

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #books #Bernie2020 #repealreplacerepublicans

According to a new survey, 52% of people have had sex with a colleague at work

"According to Reuters, Democratic candidates have raised more money than Republican candidates. Over the summer, Hillary Clinton raised like $27 million, Barack Obama collected well over $20 million, and Dennis Kucinich saved a ton of dough on his car insurance by switching to Geico." --Jay Leno

"According to a new survey, 52% of people have had sex with a colleague at work. 52%! You know, I can never look at Hannity and Colmes the same way again." --Jay Leno

     

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #books #Bernie2020 #repealreplacerepublicans

$30 million for advertising, $50 million for pantsuits (couch cushion nickels)

"Are you folks interested in the 2008 presidential election? In a couple of months, it will just be a year away. And Hillary Clinton, she is a money-making machine. She is a fundraising juggernaut. Here's what she made: $80 million so far this year. $80 million! It's amazing, isn't it? Here's how it breaks down: $30 million for advertising, $50 million for pantsuits." --David Letterman

"It was announced this week that over the summer, Hillary Clinton's campaign raised $27 million, while Barack Obama's campaign raised $22 million. In a related story, Dennis Kucinich found a nickel between the couch cushions." --Conan O'Brien

     

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #books #Bernie2020 #repealreplacerepublicans

As they say, when in Sodom, vote Pelosi (pansies, twits, losers)

     

"There was another presidential debate last night. The Democrats got together in Philadelphia. It may be time to start voting some of these guys off already. One candidate, who I think we can assume won't get the nomination, is Congressman Dennis Kucinich. Kucinich yesterday told the Philadelphia Inquirer that we should seriously start asking questions about President Bush's mental health. As if we haven't been doing that here every night." --Jimmy Kimmel

     

"It's a special night, nation. Tonight we find out whether my name will appear on the South Carolina Democrat primary ballot. I've had my differences with the Democrats in the past. I've called them pansies, twits, losers, Dummocrats, Democrazies and Nazis. But hey, that's all water under their Nazi-bridge if I make it all on the ballot. I can play ball. As they say, when in Sodom, vote Pelosi." --Stephen Colbert

     

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #Bernie2020 #FeeltheBern #repealreplacerepublicans

He hopes to make love, not war, and to buy the world a coke (Hindsight is 2020)

   

Chevy Chase on Saturday Night Live's Weekend Update: "In a startling moment during Wednesday's Democratic debate, former Senator Mike Gravel's head exploded. Then, in a chain reaction starting from one candidate's lectern to the next, John Edwards' hair parted itself on the opposite side, Barack Obama's ears flapped uncontrollably, Hillary Clinton instantly shot up in the polls, and Dennis Kucinich simply vanished, leaving his little blue suit splayed out over the podium. On Tuesday, candidate Barack Obama proposed setting a goal of eliminating all nuclear weapons in the world. A novel idea. He also hopes to save the polar ice caps, the whales, to make love, not war, and to buy the world a coke."

     

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #Bernie2020 #FeeltheBern #repealreplacerepublicans

Tell your son to take off that baseball hat (just ask my son)

"Presidential candidate Dennis Kucinich caused some trouble this week, because he was campaigning in Red Sox territory while wearing a Cleveland Indians hat. Apparently, somebody walked up to Kucinich's wife and said, 'Tell your son to take off that baseball hat.'" --Conan O'Brien

"It turns out that Barack Obama and Vice President Dick Cheney are cousins. Honest to God, imagine how terrible it would be to find out that you're related to a cranky old guy. I mean, just ask my son." --David Letterman

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #repealreplacerepublicans #Bernie2020 #FeeltheBern @BrandNew535 @justicedems 

Trump Bumper Cars (protecting the little guy)

"Yesterday, Congressman Tim Murphy of Pennsylvania voiced concern that the bailout plan doesn't protect the little guy. Yeah. After hearing, this, Dennis Kucinich said, 'I'll be fine.'" --Conan O'Brien

"I'll tell you how bad the Bush economy is. Just to give you an idea how bad the economy is. I saw a gay guy shopping at JCPenney. That's when you know there's a bad economy. I saw a guy at the 99-cent store using a coupon. That's a bad economy. In fact, I got my scenic checks from my bank today. You know what the scene was? Pictures of people at the bank cleaning out their desks. That's the picture on the check." --Jay Leno

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #repealreplacerepublicans #FeeltheBern #Bernie2020 @BrandNew535 @justicedems 

The Bush Administration's Favorite Movie Quotes (That is just plain lazy)

"Did you all see 'American Gladiators' the other night? Not the NBC show, Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama. They were so hostile to each other, I thought they were married." --Jay Leno

"Some sad news. Earlier today, our good friend Dennis Kucinich dropped out of the presidential race. Dennis' campaign slogan was 'Don't look back.' He chose that slogan because there's never anybody behind him." --Jay Leno

"Tucker Carlson said on MSNBC the other day that John McCain and his wife Cindy went along with  Fred Thompson on his honeymoon. Now, look, I knew Fred Thompson didn't like to work hard, but bringing another guy on the honeymoon? Come on. That is just plain lazy." --Jay Leno

71% of women say they'd be extremely comfortable with Bill Clinton as a second husband

"Barack Obama's campaign announced Monday that they have raised more than $20 million in the last three months. Even more amazing, he did it all with a kissing booth." --Amy Poehler

"According to a poll, Bill Clinton has emerged as an asset in his wife's campaign, with 60% of Americans saying they would be comfortable with him as first husband. While 71% of women say they'd be extremely comfortable with him as a second husband." --Amy Poehler

Chevy Chase on Saturday Night Live's Weekend Update: "In a startling moment during Wednesday's Democratic debate, former Senator Mike Gravel's head exploded. Then, in a chain reaction starting from one candidate's lectern to the next, John Edwards' hair parted itself on the opposite side, Barack Obama's ears flapped uncontrollably, Hillary Clinton instantly shot up in the polls, and Dennis Kucinich simply vanished, leaving his little blue suit splayed out over the podium. On Tuesday, candidate Barack Obama proposed setting a goal of eliminating all nuclear weapons in the world. A novel idea. He also hopes to save the polar ice caps, the whales, to make love, not war, and to buy the world a coke."

would someone please cover up that embarrassment?

"Forbes Magazine just released their list of the top earning dead celebrities. Elvis is number one. Number two dead celebrity, John Lennon. Number three, surprisingly, Larry King" --Jay Leno

"Last night during the Democratic presidential debate,  Senator Barack Obama accused  Hillary Clinton of frequently changing positions. After hearing this, Bill Clinton said, 'I wish.'" --Conan O'Brien

"There was another presidential debate last night. The Democrats got together in Philadelphia. It may be time to start voting some of these guys off already. One candidate, who I think we can assume won't get the nomination, is Congressman Dennis Kucinich. Kucinich yesterday told the Philadelphia Inquirer that we should seriously start asking questions about President Bush's mental health. As if we haven't been doing that here every night." --Jimmy Kimmel