one long trip to get my dry cleaning (double A batteries)

China is testing a spacecraft that will put the first Chinese person on the moon. It will be one small step for man and one long trip to get my dry cleaning. —Greg Gutfeld

 A WNBA coach is demanding action over sex toys being thrown on the floor during games, saying that it's offensive to toss them without including double A batteries. —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

An overdue reminder of what can happen when you go to the moon (they won’t even have to use ink)

April 2023

“We are watching for Donald Trump’s arraignment on charges stemming from hush-money payments during the 2016 presidential campaign. So what happens now? What does he plead? When is the trial? What if he goes to jail? He could end up the head of a violent white supremacist gang, but in prison this time.” —Stephen Colbert

“The arraignment will reportedly include fingerprinting the former president, and they won’t even have to use ink. I’m pretty sure there’s enough ketchup on there all the time.” —Stephen Colbert

“Meanwhile, numerous Republican commentators have tried to discredit the charges by warning, as Vivek Ramaswamy put it on Fox News, that ‘if they can do it to Trump, they can do it to you’. It’s true. If this indictment stands, then no one who has their fixer pay six figures in hush money to their porn star lover, then reimburses that fixer out of business expense accounts, then falsifies it as ‘legal fees’ and conspires with the publisher of the National Enquirer to catch and kill stories about his other extramarital affairs as part of another illegal violation of campaign finance laws, will be safe! You know the old saying. First they came for the former president, and I said nothing because he is so f*cking guilty.” —Stephen Colbert

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

JOKES: Houston, we have a drinking problem (that’s just how Irish people dance)

A Fox News host claims he saw Trump adviser Kellyanne Conway get into a fistfight at one of the inaugural balls. However, today it was explained to him that “that’s just how Irish people dance.” –Conan O’Brien

Engineers have begun trying to find a way to brew beer on the moon. Which means we’ll soon have astronauts calling into Mission Control saying, “Houston, we have a drinking problem.” –Conan O’Brien

Trump said he wishes his campaign’s tone had been “nicer” and more “on policy.”

On “60 Minutes” last night, Donald Trump said he wishes his campaign’s tone had been “nicer” and more “on policy.” Trump said, “But then, I would have lost.” –Conan O’Brien

Donald Trump has stated he wants to make it easier to sue journalists. He also wants to use the Second Amendment to shoot the First Amendment. –Conan O’Brien

I have to imagine at this point, the moon is just getting really close so it can look down on us, like, “What the hell is going on down there?!” –James Corden

Right now 10-year-old Barron Trump is interviewing the next head of the NSA

Donald Trump’s children are helping him transition to the White House. Right now 10-year-old Barron Trump is interviewing the next head of the NSA. –Conan O’Brien

Work has begun at Chernobyl on a giant concrete and steel arch that’s going to cover the site of the reactor that exploded in 1986. Even crazier, they want to make Mexico pay for it. –Conan O’Brien

According to scientists, the moon is the closest it’s been to the Earth since 1948. Apparently, the moon is worried and wants to know what the hell is going on down here. –Conan O’Brien

Sorry, Lincoln, you're a loser and you are out (5 deferments)

Donald Trump also offered birthday wishes on Twitter this week. He wrote, "President Obama will go down as perhaps the worst president in the history of the United States." It's sweet, though, because he said "perhaps," and he wouldn't do that on any other day. –Jimmy Kimmel

You know if Trump becomes president, he's definitely going to make his birthday a national holiday, right? "Sorry, Lincoln, you're a loser and you are out." –Jimmy Kimmel

Our friends in North Korea are said to be working on a big new project. Sometime in the next 10 years North Korea is hoping to plant a flag on the moon. And by that they mean they're looking for someone who can Photoshop a picture of their flag on the moon. –Jimmy Kimmel