Native American Code of Ethics (Will you be my chief of staff?)

Actually, one of Mike Pence's aides was expected to replace John Kelly, but he turned Trump down. You know you're a tough guy to work for when someone says, "Thanks, but I'd rather be stuck in a room all day with Mike Pence. That's more fun for me." --Jimmy Fallon

I heard that several of Trump's top choices don't want the position. At this point, the only job tougher to fill than chief of staff is host of The Oscars. --Jimmy Fallon

Trump attended the Army versus Navy football game, where he went on the field and shook hands with the players. Then he whispered to each one of them, "Will you be my chief of staff?” --Jimmy Fallon

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

there's always Congress, the NFL, and show business (You lost. Get over it.)

"And as the economy lags, the Army is getting more and more selective now. The Army announced this week they will no longer accept drug addicts and felons. But the good news is there's always Congress, the NFL, and show business." --Jay Leno

"Remember those Somali pirates, those crazy guys that are hijacking boats and stuff? They got one of them here in New York City standing trial. And I want to tell you something, this guy thinks he's a pirate. Well, wait until he gets the bill for his New York legal team. Then we'll see who the pirate is. That's what I say." --David Letterman

"But they have the pirate locked up. And today, he met one of his idols, Bernie Madoff." --David Letterman

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

In response, Jesus said, 'See you in about twenty minutes.' (let's just say they filled the job with the commander-in-chief)

"The United States Army is lowering its standards for education and DUI arrests. It's to recruit others, but let's just say they filled the job with the commander-in-chief." --David Letterman

"President Bush announced that his nominee for U.S. Ambassador to the United Nations is a state department official named Zalmay Khalilzad. Or, as President Bush calls him, 'Hey Buddy.'" --Conan O'Brien

"After being sworn in for his ninth term, 90-year-old Senator Robert Byrd shouted, 'Praise Jesus'. In response, Jesus said, 'See you in about twenty minutes.'" --Conan O'Brien

"The FOX network just announced they have canceled Geraldo Rivera's show, 'Geraldo at Large,' but they are going to replace it with a show called 'At Large with Geraldo Rivera.' Geraldo says that from now on, instead of being called a 'douchebag,' he'll go by 'bag of douche.'" --Conan O'Brien

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

the two-minute drill reminds him of his night with Stormy Daniels (and they called themselves patriots?!)

Today President Trump hosted the Army football team at the White House for the trophy ceremony. They all played a game of catch and the quarterback kept telling Trump to go long until he just disappeared. --Jimmy Fallon

Trump loves football because the two-minute drill reminds him of his night with Stormy Daniels. --Jimmy Fallon

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Uncle Sam Wants You ... Bad (the world is out of paper)

Some schools are giving kids an Eclipse Day, a day off, because they’re worried teachers might not be able to protect their eyes. These kids haven’t looked up from their phones since January. –Jimmy Kimmel

     

"This week, the U.S. Army removed several recruiting ads from a web site because the web site targets homosexual men. The ad said, 'Uncle Sam Wants You ... Bad.'" --Conan O'Brien

Axios today published a list of groups that President Trump has alienated during his first seven months of office. And now the world is out of paper. –Seth Meyers

     

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #FeeltheBern #Bernie2020 #repealreplacerepublicans

Uncle Sam Wants You ... Bad (she had a demon out of wedlock)

"This week, the U.S. Army removed several recruiting ads from a web site because the web site targets homosexual men. The ad said, 'Uncle Sam Wants You ... Bad.'" --Conan O'Brien

"Earlier this week, Vice President Cheney's wife said that  Vice President Cheney is actually a distant cousin of  Barack Obama. At first Obama was skeptical, then he remembered that his great-great-grandmother once had a demon out of wedlock." --Conan O'Brien

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #repealreplacerepublicans #Bernie2020 #FeeltheBern @BrandNew535 @justicedems 

JOKES: They get 72 virgins and we get a 3-year-old sandwich

Scientists for the United States Army have developed a sandwich that can remain edible for three years. Well, if that doesn't get guys to re-up, nothing will. Let me tell you, that shows you how dedicated our armed forces are. I mean, the other side offers their guys, what, 72 virgins? We get a 3-year-old sandwich." --Jay Leno

"Bad news for Hillary Clinton. She's lost more primaries! She's calling her supporters to let them know her campaign is not in financial trouble. The embarrassing part is she's calling them collect." --Craig Ferguson

"Earlier today Hillary promised that her husband wouldn't be involved in any sex scandals if she were elected president. Also today, Bill Clinton backed Barack Obama." --Craig Ferguson

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

JOKES: dreadlock soldiers/triplets/Iraqalypse Now

Adele won five Grammys while Beyoncé only won two. And if that weren’t enough, Adele then announced she was pregnant with triplets. –Conan O’Brien

Scientists are hoping to use quinoa to fight world hunger. After hearing this, hungry people all around the world said, “Actually, we’re good.” –Conan O’Brien

At an international tennis match, U.S. officials accidentally played the Nazi national anthem. White House adviser Steve Bannon was outraged and said, “We’re not rolling that out till August — c’mon!” –Conan O’Brien

The U.S. Army has officially lifted its ban on soldiers having dreadlocks. This is good news for the Army’s elite Hacky Sack Corps. –Conan O’Brien

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

It sounds like there's no downside! Oh, wait, the retirement plan (fat camp)

"This week, the United States Military Academy announced it had discovered an al Qaeda employment contract, detailing the benefits of joining the group. Membership does have its privileges. Married males receive 6500 rupees and a week's vacation for every three weeks work. Wow, it sounds like there's no downside! Oh, wait, the retirement plan." --Jon Stewart

"Signing up for the Army just got a little bit easier. Now, I know what you're thinking, 'I'm too lazy and emotionally fragile for boot camp, plus I'm a felon with a third-grade education. And I'm gay.' Well, good news, in today's Army, it doesn't matter. Except the gay part. According to the Wall Street Journal, the military is adopting a kinder and gentler approach to basic training, in order to improve diminishing recruitment numbers. Among the changes: more sleep and personal time, less running, and best of all, overweight recruits don't have to skip dessert. Hey, kids, boot camp is now easier than fat camp." --Jon Stewart

Albert Einstein, trailblazer, a pioneer (Texas National Guard)

"President Bush left for the G8 Summit today in Russia. The White House says he's going to try and convince other world leaders to develop nuclear power. Apparently, it's working, because so far, Bush has convinced Iran and North Korea." --Conan O'Brien

"Last year the U.S. Army missed it's recruiting goal. But this year not only did they meet their goal, they exceeded it. They got 80,000 recruits. The bad news is all 80,000 of them used their connections to get in the Texas National Guard." --Jimmy Kimmel

"According to a series of just published letters that Albert Einstein sent to his second wife, he had ten mistresses. He would send his wife letters about his mistresses and then ask her for advice. Or as Bill Clinton called him, 'a trailblazer, a pioneer.'" --Jay Leno

He's kind of like a miniature Donald Trump

"President Bush's approval ratings are dipping into the 30s, while Mark Foley is dipping into the teens." --Jay Leno

"The Army has a new slogan. It's replacing its slogan, 'An Army of One,' with 'Army Strong.' I knew we were lowering the academic requirements. I didn't realize we were wiping out the use of verbs." --Jay Leno

"A lot more information coming out about this North Korean leader, Kim Jong-Il. Apparently, he has a tremendous ego, had three wives and he's fanatical about his pompadour hair style. He's kind of like a miniature Donald Trump." --Jay Leno

Uncle Sam Wants You ... Bad

"This week, the U.S. Army removed several recruiting ads from a web site because the web site targets homosexual men. The ad said, 'Uncle Sam Wants You ... Bad.'" --Conan O'Brien

"President Bush met with the Dalai Lama yesterday. It was a good meeting. The Dalai Lama taught President Bush how to meditate, and President Bush taught the Dalai Lama how to just nod off at meetings." --Jay Leno

"Hillary Clinton was on 'The View' the other day. She was asking Barbara Walters for advice. A lot of people might not know this, but Barbara Walters was very instrumental in helping to elect William Howard Taft." --Jay Leno

"Republican frontrunner  Rudy Giuliani  says he's going to try to follow Ronald Reagan's 11th commandment that a Republican should never attack another Republican. Let's hope he has better luck with the 11th commandment than he did with the 7th commandment." --Jay Leno

his great-great-grandmother once had a demon out of wedlock

"Obama and Cheney are actually cousins, but Barack did not inherit the family sneer." --David Letterman

"Earlier this week, Vice President Cheney's wife said that  Vice President Cheney is actually a distant cousin of  Barack Obama. At first Obama was skeptical, then he remembered that his great-great-grandmother once had a demon out of wedlock." --Conan O'Brien

"This week, the U.S. Army removed several recruiting ads from a web site because the web site targets homosexual men. The ad said, 'Uncle Sam Wants You ... Bad.'" --Conan O'Brien

"There's a woman who's got an apartment here in New York, in Brooklyn. She goes to the bathroom and there is a 7-foot python in the toilet. It's just coiled up. A giant killer snake in the toilet. I was thinking, usually when you find something coiling around your leg in a restroom, it's Senator Larry Craig" --David Letterman

as for the Iraqi people it has worked out pretty well for them

"During a speech at the Capitol yesterday, the Dalai Lama admitted that his English language skills equal those of a kindergartner's. When he heard this,  President Bush said, 'No one likes a show-off.'" --Conan O'Brien

"This week, the U.S. Army removed several recruiting ads from a web site because the web site targets homosexual men. The ad said, 'Uncle Sam Wants You ... Bad.'" --Conan O'Brien

"Earlier this week, Vice President Cheney's wife said that  Vice President Cheney is actually a distant cousin of  Barack Obama. At first Obama was skeptical, then he remembered that his great-great-grandmother once had a demon out of wedlock." --Conan O'Brien

"Lynne Cheney, Dick Cheney's wife, is getting all wound up. She says that she would be uncomfortable with Hillary Clinton running the country. Lynne is uncomfortable with Hillary. Bill said, 'Join the club.'"  --David Letterman