Bill Clinton is traveling with several MILFs

"Candidates out there campaigning very hard. Everyone's trying a different angle right now to get the lead. Presidential candidate John McCain has been taking his 95-year-old mother along with him on his campaign bus. None of the other candidates are traveling with their mothers, but Bill Clinton is traveling with several MILFs." --Conan O'Brien

"Bush met the Dalai Lama this week. I'm not sure that he really understands what being a Lama means, because all of his questions were about what it's like to live in Michael Jackson's zoo." --Bill Maher

"How many arch conservatives are here tonight? Sam Brownback has quit the race for president. His supporter is devastated. Brownback said he couldn't raise enough money, he couldn't get enough support, and he got tired of carrying around that fetus in a jar. He said he knew he made the right decision to get out of the race when he sat down to tell his wife and she said, 'You're running for president?'" --Bill Maher