he got tired of carrying around that fetus in a jar

"How many arch conservatives are here tonight? Sam Brownback has quit the race for president. His supporter is devastated. Brownback said he couldn't raise enough money, he couldn't get enough support, and he got tired of carrying around that fetus in a jar. He said he knew he made the right decision to get out of the race when he sat down to tell his wife and she said, 'You're running for president?'" --Bill Maher

"Congratulations to  Al Gore for winning the Nobel Peace Prize. I thought this was sad: Al had the Nobel Peace Prize for less than a week and O.J. broke in and stole it." --David Letterman

"He's won an Academy award, he's won an Emmy award, and now he's won a Nobel prize. Honestly, I think it's going to his head. Listen to what happened over the weekend: Al Gore was in a bar screaming, 'Who wants a Nobel prize piece of ass?'" --David Letterman