Unfortunately though, he couldn't get anyone to cover his shift at Arby’s (So glad they caught her in time)

Star Wars actor Mark Hamill revealed he wanted to flee the US after Donald Trump was elected a second time. Unfortunately though, he couldn't get anyone to cover his shift at Arby’s. —Greg Gutfeld

A Danish woman donated her daughter's pony to the local zoo to be fed to lions. Authorities intervened when they realized it wasn't a pony at all, but a confused and very lost Sarah Jessica Parker. So glad they caught her in time. —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

We live in a world of infinite prossibility (we’re pretty sure what we have is meats/something important)

“The Department of Energy’s report that Covid-19 originated in a Chinese lab leak, but they say it’s a conclusion they reached with ‘low confidence’. It’s not reassuring. It’s like if Arby’s changed their slogan to ‘we’re pretty sure what we have is meats’.” —Stephen Colbert

“The FBI had previously concluded something similar with ‘moderate’ confidence, without releasing any evidence. Earlier this week, director Christopher Wray stated: ‘The FBI has for quite some time now assessed that the origins of the pandemic are most likely a potential lab incident in Wuhan.’ Most likely … potential. That is darn close to hypothetically nearly conceivably imaginable maybe. Somewhere between possible and probable, so it’s definitely prossible. We live in a world of infinite prossibility.” —Stephen Colbert

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

they were probably too nervous to say something because I’m on TV (You know we never stopped loving you, baby)

March 2022

After the U.S. ban on Russian oil, gas prices hit a record high of $4.30 a gallon. Which is so expensive, that America, we might have to move back in with our ex. ‘Come on, Iraq. You know we never stopped loving you, baby.’ —Michael Che

Russia has responded to sanctions by banning the export of Russian-made cars. But a Russian-made car is just a drunk bear on roller skates. —Michael Che

A video has gone viral of a man urinating on a New York City Subway while other passengers appear not to care. But they were probably too nervous to say something because I’m on TV. —Michael Che

It was reported that Queen Elizabeth II has moved out of Buckingham Palace, and this is weird, in with John Mayer. —Colin Jost

A thief in Colorado broke into a truck and stole a box of human heads. Even more disturbing, it was an Arby’s truck. —Colin Jost

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/02/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

A new survey shows how much time we waste every day (Way ahead of you. Don't worry about that)

September 2012

"With the first presidential debate less than a week away, both the Obama camp and Romney camp are being careful not to over-hype their candidates. They're asking voters to lower their expectations and not get too excited. Or as voters put it, 'Way ahead of you. Don't worry about that.'" –Jimmy Fallon

"There's a man who actually went to high school with Mitt Romney and later went to law school with President Obama. When asked how going to school with two presidential candidates made him feel, he said, 'Uh, bad about my job at Arby's.'" –Jimmy Fallon

"A new survey shows how much time we waste every day. For example, we waste seven minutes in line waiting for coffee, 28 minutes getting through airport security, and four years waiting for President Obama to do something about the economy." –Jay Leno

"Paul Ryan now says that President Obama's foreign policy has 'blown up in his face' and it's time to go back to the Republican foreign policy. Well, let's see, Obama kept Guantanamo Bay open, the troops are still overseas, and the Middle East hates us. Isn't that the Republican foreign policy?" –Jay Leno

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

I thought he had a much more fun way to make duplicates of himself (an American tradition)

September 2011

"The Obama campaign is offering a chance to win dinner with the president for $3. This would explain his new campaign slogan: 'Hey, I'm cheaper than Arby's.'" –Conan O'Brien

"Marcus Bachmann wrote an open letter to conservatives describing his wife Michele as 'rock solid.' It probably didn't help that he then added, 'As rock solid as Taylor Lautner's yummy abs.'" –Conan O'Brien

"Arnold Schwarzenegger ordered three statues of himself. Which seemed weird, because I thought he had a much more fun way to make duplicates of himself." –Conan O'Brien

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Please get out of the car! (Trump-friendly restaurants)

Tonight was part one of "The Bachelor" finale. People weren't sure if Colton would go with Hannah or Tayshia or maybe try to win back Cassie. I've got my own theories, but after explaining them, my Uber driver was like, "Sir, we've been at your destination for 10 minutes. Please get out of the car!" --Jimmy Fallon

A new app has come out similar to Yelp. The app helps Trump supporters find Trump-friendly restaurants. This way they won’t risk harassment when they go out to eat. The app’s slogan is, “Hope you like Arby’s.” No, it’s got a great selection of restaurants that any Trump supporter would enjoy. There’s Buffalo Far Right Wings, Five White Guys Burgers and Fries, and of course Cracker Barrel. --James Corden

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

If I tell you I’m an astronaut and you ask me about the moon, and I say, “The moon?” (moral justification for selfishness)

President Trump responded to Michael Cohen’s sentencing by tweeting, “I never directed Michael Cohen to break the law. He was a lawyer and he is supposed to know the law.” Fair, but you know who is else is supposed to know the law? The frigging president of the United States. I mean, the Pope should know the Bible, Santa should know the meaning of Christmas, and the president should know the law. Dude, we’re paying money for this. --Michael Che, SNL

I mean he’s president. He’s got to know the law. Doctor’s know medicine. Arby’s knows meat. If I tell you I’m an astronaut and you ask me about the moon, and I say, “The moon?” --Michael Che, SNL

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”  

Any meat on those bones? (King Mookie)

It's come out that Red Sox star Mookie Betts is related to soon-to-be royal Meghan Markle. This means there's a chance that one day there will be a "King Mookie." --Conan O’Brien

In a new interview, billionaire Warren Buffett called Bitcoin "rat poison." Which is an unfair comparison because people actually understand how rat poison works. --Conan O’Brien

In Utah, a couple gardening in their yard found the skeleton of a 16,000-year-old horse. After hearing about it, Arby's asked, "Any meat on those bones?" --Conan O’Brien

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Queen Elizabeth finally gave the couple her blessing (got drunk and bought too many wings)

Genealogy experts say that Prince Harry and his fiancée Meghan Markle are actually distant cousins. After hearing they were related, Queen Elizabeth finally gave the couple her blessing. –Conan O’Brien

Arby’s has acquired Buffalo Wild Wings for $2.4 billion. They didn’t mean to, but like a lot of us, Arby’s got drunk and bought too many wings. –Conan O’Brien

MTV announced it's bringing back the original cast of “Jersey Shore.” Can you believe it? Every single cast member was available! –Conan O’Brien

    

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #JohnHulse #collectedpoems #Bernie2020 #repealreplacerepublicans

Did I say guests? I meant cats. 70 cats (3,000 pounds of marijuana)

Police discovered over 3,000 pounds of marijuana in a car in Colorado after the owner admitted, quote, “It’s just a little, I can throw it out.” –Seth Meyers

Fast-food chain Arby’s is serving a limited-edition Cookie Butter Milkshake. And any customers who order it will also be limited-edition. –Seth Meyers

A woman in Italy recently married herself in a ceremony that included a three-layer wedding cake, bridesmaids, and 70 guests. Did I say guests? I meant cats. 70 cats. –Seth Meyers

     

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #books #Bernie2020 #repealreplacerepublicans

or as Trump calls it, “20 walls.” (2017 Obama)

Donald Trump taped an appearance on “Dr. Oz” today to discuss his health and his diet, and reportedly told Dr. Oz that he likes fast food because, “At least you know what they’re putting in it.” Then workers at Taco Bell and Arby’s said, “You keep telling yourself that.” –Jimmy Fallon

Donald Trump’s childhood home in Queens is going up for auction next month. Apparently, the house has five bedrooms, or as Trump calls it, “20 walls.” –Jimmy Fallon

The upcoming movie about President Barack Obama’s college years reportedly shows a young Obama shirtless, smoking cigarettes and smoking weed. Or as the president calls him: 2017 Obama. –Jimmy Fallon

Wal-Mart is working on a self-driving shopping cart that would return itself to the store after you’re done using it. Though the minute that Wal-Mart shopping cart becomes self-aware, it’s going to drive itself to Target and never look back. –Jimmy Fallon