Or as Lincoln put it, 'I would have preferred a different ENDING.' (this wouldn't have happened if those fish had guns)

January 2013

"On Sunday the White House will hold a private swearing-in ceremony for President Obama. Not to be outdone, on Sunday Republicans will hold a private swearing-at ceremony for President Obama." –Jimmy Fallon

"The beginning of the movie 'Lincoln' has been slightly changed to explain the Civil War to foreign audiences. Or as Lincoln put it, 'I would have preferred a different ENDING.'" –Jimmy Fallon

"Thousands of dead fish have now washed up on shore along the coast of South Carolina. Today the NRA said that this wouldn't have happened if those fish had guns." –Jay Leno

"Ann Romney, the wife of Mitt Romney, has reportedly turned down a chance to appear on 'Dancing With the Stars.' Apparently, she has something called 'self-respect. Actually, she says she loves to dance and is a big fan of the show, but she said she'd rather stay home with the Biggest Loser." –Jay Leno

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night 

of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

They said it was a pretty good speech for a foreigner (The Power of the People)

"Did you hear about the State of the Union address drinking game? You listen to the speech, and every time you think about the actual state of the union, you take a drink. It helps." –Jimmy Kimmel

"The Republican response to the speech was fairly gracious. They said it was a pretty good speech for a foreigner." –Jimmy Kimmel

"Obama made a major announcement tonight. He's Oprah's half-brother. That's why there's been so much confusion about the birth certificate." –Jimmy Kimmel

"President Obama made his annual State of the Union address tonight from Washington, D.C. It was on all the channels. One of the shows they pre-empted was an hour of "America's Biggest Loser," which means all those fat people exercised this week for no reason at all." –Jimmy Kimmel

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

and to help her own family survive the coming economic apocalypse (drive good people out of the fraud business)

"Last night, President Obama's appearance on the 'Tonight Show' got huge ratings. So, to promote his upcoming book, President Bush will appear on 'The Biggest Loser.' That should get pretty big ratings, too." --Jimmy Fallon

"This morning, the first lady, Michelle Obama, celebrated spring by breaking ground on a new vegetable garden at the White House. She said she did it to help educate children about healthy, locally-grown food, and to help her own family survive the coming economic apocalypse." --Jimmy Kimmel

"The House passed a bill where there's a tax now of 90% on the bonuses that these people get. So, half the Republicans voted against this. They said this is exactly the kind of punitive taxation that's going to drive good people out of the fraud business." --Bill Maher 

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

The email chain gang/Kid Rock/30,000 pounds

Kid Rock has officially announced his candidacy for the U.S. Senate. Kid Rock says he wants to restore America back to a better time when it would have been unimaginable for Kid Rock to run for the U.S. Senate. –Conan O’Brien

NBC’s long-running reality show “The Biggest Loser” has been canceled. Or as NBC put it, “We just lost 30,000 pounds.” –Conan O’Brien

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #FeeltheBern @justicedems @BrandNew535 #Bernie2020

Should be fine, Donald Trump never sues anyone (Trump Fish)

Is the whole thing going to be reality show-themed? Instead of Trump putting his hand on the Bible, the chief justice of the Supreme Court is just going to hand him a rose. –James Corden

I understand to get to the White House he won an “Amazing Race.” Out of the dozens of candidates, Trump was the “Survivor.” Even though, according to the popular vote, he was “The Biggest Loser.” But this is “The Real World.” –James Corden

In other news, a restaurant just opened in the Kurdistan region of Iraq. It’s called Trump Fish, and it’s a fish restaurant with an unauthorized Donald Trump logo. They stole Trump’s face and name. Should be fine, Donald Trump never sues anyone. –James Corden

Trust me, if that lady could kill, I would not be alive.

Donald Trump is floating another conspiracy theory which suggests that Hillary Clinton is a murderer. Today Bill Clinton said, "Trust me, if that lady could kill, I would not be alive." –Conan O’Brien

Several former contestants from the show "The Biggest Loser" are suing the show for abuse. The contestants said, "We were completely unprepared for being mistreated when we signed up to be on a show called 'The Biggest Loser.'" –Conan O’Brien

The extremist militant religious group the Taliban has appointed a new leader. So congratulations, Ted Cruz! –Conan O’Brien