"Thousands of dead fish have now washed up on shore along
the coast of South Carolina. Today the NRA said that this wouldn't have
happened if those fish had guns." –Jay Leno
"Ann Romney, the wife of Mitt Romney, has
reportedly turned down a chance to appear on 'Dancing With the Stars.'
Apparently, she has something called 'self-respect. Actually, she says she
loves to dance and is a big fan of the show, but she said she'd rather stay
home with the Biggest Loser." –Jay Leno
"The director of 'Zero Dark Thirty' has come out against
torture. And the director of 'Lincoln' has come out against going to the
theater in 1865." –Conan O'Brien
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