It’s the name brands who have trouble (Now is the time of monsters)

"This weekend George W. Bush said it's a toss-up whether his brother Jeb will run for president in 2016. Bush said there's a 40-40 chance." –Seth Meyers

An early copy of The New York Times best-seller list obtained by Buzzfeed shows Ben Carson's "A More Perfect Union" is edging out Donald Trump's "Crippled America." And a little further down the list is Jeb Bush's "I Don't Want to Do This Anymore." I highly recommend chapter three, "Why is this happening to me?" –Seth Meyers

According to a new poll, a generic Democratic opponent would beat President Trump by 10 points in the 2020 election. Yeah, the generics do great. It’s the name brands [shows photo of Hillary] who have trouble. –Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Why is this happening to me? (there's a 40-40 chance)

An early copy of The New York Times best-seller list obtained by Buzzfeed shows Ben Carson's "A More Perfect Union" is edging out Donald Trump's "Crippled America." And a little further down the list is Jeb Bush's "I Don't Want to Do This Anymore." I highly recommend chapter three, "Why is this happening to me?" –Seth Meyers

"This weekend George W. Bush said it's a toss-up whether his brother Jeb will run for president in 2016. Bush said there's a 40-40 chance." –Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

You know how long it's going to take people to finish The New York Times crossword puzzle NOW? (his friends and his families)

July 2014

"The New York Times published its first of a six-part series that calls for federal legalization of marijuana. You remember newspapers, those things we used to read before BuzzFeed asked us which sandwich we were." –Jimmy Kimmel

"The Times editorial board argued, after weighing the pros and cons, that the scale tips in favor of legalizing marijuana nationwide. You know how long it's going to take people to finish The New York Times crossword puzzle NOW?" –Jimmy Kimmel

"It's Arnold Schwarzenegger's birthday. Arnold celebrated quietly at home with his friends and his families." –Craig Ferguson

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

How 'bout some help here? (She kept referring to lunch period as “Miller time.”)

Do you ever notice that sometimes when Donald Trump gives a press conference he sounds like a 5-year-old telling you what he saw at the zoo. --Seth Meyers

Police in South Carolina charged a substitute teacher last week for allegedly being drunk while in class. Students realized she was drunk after she kept referring to lunch period as “Miller time.” –Seth Meyers

New York lawmakers have proposed a new bill that would make baseball the state's official sport, replacing the current official sport, trying to urinate between two parked cars without getting caught. --Seth Meyers

CNN and Telemundo both carried tonight’s debate. So questions were addressed either “for Mr. Trump” or “para El Diablo." –Seth Meyers

According to a recent survey, 15 percent of Americans have admitted to cooking in the nude. Unfortunately, most of them work at Chipotle. –Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/02/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

the only good thing that happened to him was Brad Pitt playing him on Saturday Night Live (because they’re high)

June 2021

“There has been an about-face on cannabis from Amazon, which announced support for a federal bill that would decriminalize marijuana and pledged to stop screening workers for THC. Which kinda sucks for those workers, because the urine test was the only bathroom break they got at Amazon.” —Jimmy Kimmel

“I wonder if they’ll also take a different approach to what they sell, because right now if you want to buy a pipe to smoke out of, you have to search ‘creative useful small gadgets’ or ‘portable small tools’. Which makes no sense, because 40% of the stuff people buy on Amazon is because they’re high.” —Jimmy Kimmel

Here are some of the chaotic requests lobbed at Dr. Anthony Fauci during the height of the Covid storm last spring, drawn from a trove of emails acquired by the Freedom of Information Act and published separately by the Washington Post and BuzzFeed on Tuesday. The emails sent to the top US infectious disease expert included numerous inquiries from celebrities and ordinary people offering advice and asking silly questions, such as whether hydrogen peroxide could be used as a cure, or whether jewelry bought in China could transmit Covid. This poor Dr. Fauci – the only good thing that happened to him was Brad Pitt playing him on Saturday Night Live.” —Jimmy Kimmel

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night 

of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Oh, this guy’s got an amp … well, that could come in really handy (developing a weed habit in quarantine)

“There is a BuzzFeed News report that New York state, on the direct recommendation of the White House coronavirus task force, paid $69.1 Million to a mobile-phone engineer in California who simply tweeted at Trump that he could supply ventilators. That’s three times the retail price of high-end ventilators to someone without medical device experience; not a single ventilator has been delivered on the contract. This is insane. I mean, we’re talking about a guy who’s the most powerful person on Earth – there’s literally a law that allows him to compel companies to make ventilators – and he’s combing through his Twitter replies like he’s putting a band together – ‘Oh, this guy’s got an amp … well, that could come in really handy.’” —Seth Meyers

“Trump claims that no one could have seen a pandemic coming, or that the White House has handled coronavirus well. Trump had the chance to act early, to prevent both the public health crisis and the economic one, and instead he chose to ignore and downplay the threat. And part of that failure is Trump’s ‘spectral son-in-law’ Jared Kushner, who on Wednesday told Fox and Friends that the government’s response to the virus was a ‘great success story.’ A great success story? You’re not even a great success story. You’re only in the White House because Ivanka lost Tom Brady’s phone number in one of her sweatshop handbags. You shouldn’t be anywhere near the White House; you should be confessing to Christopher Meloni at the end of an episode of Law & Order. Seriously, we have one million cases, 60,000 deaths and 30 million out of work. If this is a success, what would failure look like? The Statue of Liberty getting laid off and developing a weed habit in quarantine?” —Seth Meyers

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

No no no, it's gonna be a total nightmare (squished between his borscht and his cyanide capsule)

Let's not forget Trump said he didn't work for Vladimir Putin and every day it is looking increasingly likely that he very fucking much does. He's so far in Putin’s pocket he's squished between his borscht and his cyanide capsule. --Samantha Bee

Having this many women in the field for president means that the defining characteristic of each candidate won't just be it the woman. Now that there are so many ladies running maybe we can stop talking about the tone or volume of their voice their outfits or their marriages and instead judge them based on their experience. I'm just joking. No no no, it's gonna be a total nightmare. --Samantha Bee

BuzzFeed said Kamala’s decision to announce her candidacy on Martin Luther King Day is a clear signal that her presidential run is likely to embrace her identity as a black woman. Which is a real disappointment to all her fans who were hoping she'd run as a ten-year-old Finnish boy. --Samantha Bee

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

JOKES: The White House says there’s a perfectly good reason why he did it (Nobody knows what they’re doing)

I thought Jimmy Kimmel did a great job hosting the Oscars — congrats to Jimmy, he’s always good. But did you see what happened at the end? Yeah, the producers of “La La Land” went up on stage after the movie was named Best Picture — then it was announced that they actually lost to “Moonlight.” And today, they joined a support group with the Atlanta Falcons and Hillary Clinton. –Jimmy Fallon

On Friday, CNN, The New York Times, and BuzzFeed were blocked from participating in a media briefing with White House Press Secretary Sean Spicer. CNN called it “unacceptable,” the Times called it “outrageous,” and BuzzFeed called it “one of the top seven things Trump did today that will blow your mind.” –Jimmy Fallon

Over the weekend, Vice President Mike Pence tweeted his support for Israel, but accidentally used an emoji of the Nicaraguan flag instead of the Israeli flag. The White House says there’s a perfectly good reason why he did it: Nobody knows what they’re doing. –Jimmy Fallon

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

JOKES: He won the award for Soldier Least Likely to Report for Duty

Today is Groundhog Day. Punxsutawney Phil came out and saw his shadow, which means Trump is going to start fights with six more countries. –Jimmy Fallon

Trump is causing all kinds of trouble this week. In fact, Israel just had to apologize to Mexico, after their prime minister tweeted support for Trump’s border wall. So not only has Trump failed to solve the Middle East conflict, somehow he’s dragged Mexico in the middle of it. –Jimmy Fallon

White House press secretary Sean Spicer announced that four reporters would receive Skype seats for press briefings rather than being there in person. Spicer said he picked the four reporters at random. Then said: “CNN, BuzzFeed, The New York Times, and Telemundo.” Just random names. –Jimmy Fallon