Hey, first one's on the house (a stunning abuse of power)

March Madness began today with top seeds going to Duke, Gonzaga, Virginia, and, in a stunning abuse of power, Trump University. --Seth Meyers

New York governor Andrew Cuomo has endorsed a new two-strikes plan that would permanently ban people from the subway if they are convicted of two sexual offenses on mass transit. First of all...two?! You're just telling every pervert in town, "Hey, first one's on the house." --Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

It is the one time of the year that everyone is thinking about their Gonzagas (more aggressive sales campaigns)

Starting next month, people in Queensland, Australia will be able to personalize their license plates using emojis. It just doesn’t sound quite as cool for a car chase though to be like, “Dispatch, we’re in pursuit of a suspect. License number: Winking Face, Winking Face, Crying Laugh, Sunglasses, Dancing Lady. I need backup, dammit!” --James Corden

The NCAA tournament continues, and according to a new study, the tournament leads to a 30% increase in vasectomies. Apparently men schedule the procedure so that they can recover while watching basketball. It is the one time of the year that everyone is thinking about their Gonzagas. --James Corden

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

a stunning abuse of power (Rock Sand)

It was reported yesterday that an op-ed written by Donald Trump seems to have been blatantly plagiarized from an article written by Dr. Ben Carson days before. People first became suspicious when Trump’s op-ed began, “As a black doctor…” --Seth Meyers

March Madness began today with top seeds going to Duke, Gonzaga, Virginia, and, in a stunning abuse of power, Trump University. --Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

It sounds like this guy was the victim of a sting operation (thinking about their Gonzagas)

And finally, the news from my homeland. A burglar in London recently attempted to sneak into a building through the backyard area and ended up disturbing the owner's beehive and the burglar was then chased away by a swarm of 80,000 angry bees. It sounds like this guy was the victim of a sting operation. --James Corden

The NCAA tournament continues, and according to a new study, the tournament leads to a 30% increase in vasectomies. Apparently men schedule the procedure so that they can recover while watching basketball. It is the one time of the year that everyone is thinking about their Gonzagas. --James Corden

A Gallup poll has just been released that shows that Donald Trump’s approval rating has fallen to a historic first-year low of 35 percent. Or as Kellyanne Conway calls it, just one more example of Trump beating Obama. –James Corden

A woman in Oregon has opened a business selling homemade weed pipes with Bernie's campaign logo on them. Weed pipes are the perfect gift for Bernie supporters. It's like getting a nice bottle of wine for a Hillary supporter, or getting somebody who wants to vote for Ted Cruz a machine gun made out of Bibles. –James Corden

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

She rolled her eyes so hard, she saw brain ("Ha, ha! Good one," said Iraq.)

President Trump today met with the crown prince of Saudi Arabia at the White House. The prince asked for Trump's help fighting terrorism, and Trump asked for three wishes. --Seth Meyers

After facing attack ads focused on his past derogatory comments toward women, Donald Trump said yesterday, “Nobody respects women more than I do.” And then Melania rolled her eyes so hard, she saw brain. –Seth Meyers

"President Obama released his March Madness bracket this morning, picking Michigan State to win the tournament. In response, Vladimir Putin started moving troops into Gonzaga." –Seth Meyers

When asked today if the Russian election was free and fair, White House Press Secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders said, quote, "We're focused on our elections. We don't get to dictate how other countries operate." "Ha, ha! Good one," said Iraq. --Seth Meyers

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

I never treated her any differently than I did President Obama (everyone is thinking about their Gonzagas)

Indiana mayor and Democratic presidential hopeful Pete Buttigieg has announced his campaign has raised $7 million in the last three months. But unfortunately, he's just going to use the money to buy more vowels. --Seth Meyers

Nevada politician Lucy Flores has published an article accusing former Vice President Joe Biden of inappropriately touching her, smelling her hair, and kissing the back of her head during a 2014 campaign event. Said Biden, "I never treated her any differently than I did President Obama." --Seth Meyers

A new alarm-clock app has launched that wakes users up with unconventional sounds like shattering glass, gunshots, and women screaming. Unfortunately, everyone in New York has learned to sleep through it. --Seth Meyers

The NCAA tournament continues, and according to a new study, the tournament leads to a 30% increase in vasectomies. Apparently men schedule the procedure so that they can recover while watching basketball. It is the one time of the year that everyone is thinking about their Gonzagas. --James Corden

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

In the electoral college, 55% is less than half (Hey, first one's on the house)

According to a new poll, 55% of Americans are in favor of abolishing the electoral college, but unfortunately, because of the electoral college, 55% is less than half. --Seth Meyers

March Madness began today with top seeds going to Duke, Gonzaga, Virginia, and, in a stunning abuse of power, Trump University. --Seth Meyers

New York governor Andrew Cuomo has endorsed a new two-strikes plans that would permanently ban people from the subway if they are convicted of two sexual offenses on mass transit. First of all...two?! You're just telling every pervert in town, "Hey, first one's on the house." --Seth Meyers

A woman in Wisconsin was arrested over the weekend after allegedly handing out marijuana cookies at a St. Patrick's Day parade. Police became suspicious when nobody got into a fistfight. --Seth Meyers

Today Republicans were so outraged at Donald Trump’s comments about war hero John McCain that they almost said something. --Conan O’Brien

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Hindsight is 2020 (now I know how it feels to be president!)

I can’t get over how fun this has been. Flying to Florida and working one hour a day — now I know how it feels to be president! –Jimmy Fallon

North Carolina beat Gonzaga to win the whole thing in a game that was just back and forth the whole night, which means March Madness is officially over. And CBS now returns to your regularly scheduled Trump Madness already in progress. –James Corden

Here’s the thing, Gonzaga: In many ways, you are actually the lucky ones. You don’t have to get your picture taken with the president. It’s a lose-win. –James Corden

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #JusticeDemocrats #Bernie2020