Mitt Romney was caught off-guard by the show us your tax returns cam

"Sarah Palin is saying she still hasn’t been invited to the Republican National Convention next month. The RNC says it’s all a misunderstanding — as in, Palin misunderstands the meaning of the phrase, 'You're not invited.'" –Jimmy Fallon 

"At a basketball game, the President and Michelle Obama got caught off-guard on a kiss cam. Meanwhile, Mitt Romney was caught off-guard by the show us your tax returns cam." –Conan O'Brien



"Sarah Palin hasn't yet received an invitation to the Republican Convention. I don't think she should feel bad. A lot of Republicans aren't excited that Mitt Romney is going." –Jay Leno 

John Hulse painting

What it's like to lose a million dollars in the couch cushions

"The Sarasota Republican party has named Donald Trump its statesman of the year. If there's one word I'd think of to describe Trump, it's 'statesman-like.' And if there were four words, they would be 'not at all statesman-like.'" –Jimmy Kimmel 

"Happy Friday the 13th - and to prove he's not superstitious, Mitt Romney drove around with a black cat on the roof of his car." –Jay Leno 

"On Friday Oprah Winfrey interviewed Mitt Romney. They talked about politics, foreign policy, and what it's like to lose a million dollars in the couch cushions." –Conan O'Brien



John Hulse painting

And by God, who could question Wall Street's judgment?

"An Indiana man has pleaded guilty to strapping four kids to the hood of his car and then driving them around. So it looks like Mitt Romney may have found his running mate. I think this could be the guy. Put the dogs on one car, the kids on the other... " –Jay Leno 

"Wall Street says they prefer Mitt Romney for president. And by God, who could question Wall Street's judgment?" –David Letterman 

"John Boehner, who is speaker of the House of Representatives, is super tan, he cries, and he drinks. He should be speaker of the 'Jersey Shore' house." –Jimmy Kimmel

John Hulse painting

Mitt will be rooting for Switzerland, Bermuda, Luxemburg or the Cayman Islands

"Romney isn't very popular among African-American voters. In fact, diabetes is more popular among African-American voters than Mitt Romney." –Jimmy Kimmel

"Yesterday, House Republicans held their 33rd vote to repeal Obama’s healthcare law. It was mostly a symbolic vote that accomplished nothing — or as Congress calls that, a vote." –Jimmy Fallon 



"Mitt Romney announced that he's going to the Olympics in London next month. No word yet on whether he will be rooting for Switzerland, Bermuda, Luxemburg or the Cayman Islands." –Jay Leno

John Hulse painting

Romney would fight for all millionaires, black or white

"Barney Frank became the first congressman to enter a same-sex marriage. As opposed to most congressmen, who prefer to just enter someone else's marriage." –Jimmy Fallon

"Mitt Romney told the crowd at an NAACP conference that if he were elected president he would fight for all millionaires, black or white." –Jay Leno 

"In Mexico, the loser of their presidential election is accusing the winner of election fraud. He says the winner bought millions of votes. To which Mitt Romney said, 'You can do that?'" –Jay Leno 

John Hulse painting

But all he had was Swiss Francs...

"An awkward moment for Mitt Romney today in Colorado. A homeless guy asked him for a dollar, but all he had was Swiss Francs" –Jay Leno



"Tomorrow the House of Representatives will vote for the 30th time on healthcare. For the 30th time they'll vote it down again. Who says these guys aren't doing stuff, huh?" –David Letterman 



"In a new interview, Mitt Romney said he doesn't know where his financial records are because he doesn't manage them. Yeah, he would have said more, but he had to give a speech on why he's the perfect guy to fix the economy." –Jimmy Fallon



John Hulse painting

John McCain is doing the background check

"Mitt Romney's campaign raised $35 million more than President Obama for the month of June. Out of force of habit, Mitt stashed it all in the Cayman Islands." –Jay Leno




"According to Mitt Romney's wife Ann, Mitt may be looking at a woman for Vice President. The bad news? They have John McCain doing the background check. That could be dicey." –Jay Leno 

"Mitt Romney is worth $250 million. I saw him interviewed and they said, 'Mitt, how did you get so much money?" He said, "You know what? I always buy store-brand ketchup.'" –David Letterman 

John Hulse painting