"Osama bin Laden fell surprisingly short in his latest tape, in which he discussed realigning percentages of Muslim representation on the U.N. Security Council and made some funding proposals for the Hamas regime in the Palestinian Territory. You know, I think Osama's jumped the sheik on this latest tape. Osama, keep your eye on the prize. Leave the Excel spreadsheets to the financial guys. You can't PowerPoint your way to jihad." --Jon Stewart
"Last week was a busy, busy week for both major parties. Starting with the Democrats, who met for a candidates forum on Logo, the gay-oriented cable channel that is not Lifetime or Bravo. It was generally a friendly event, except for one William Richardson [on screen: Richardson saying homosexuality is a choice, when asked if homosexuality is a choice or it is biological]. Richardson then swung into damage control mode, explaining the next day he didn't understand the question because of jet lag. Yes, apparently, the governor had just flown in from the 1950s." --Jon Stewart
"What was Earth doing in the run-up to Earth Day? Well, over the last week it gave us a volcano erupting in Peru, earthquakes in Tibet, Indonesia and Japan, freak tornados in America and the Philippines, floods in Hungary, Romania, Malaysia and Kenya, wildfires in Colorado, and a category five super-cyclone that's about to destroy Darwin, Australia. Earth, could you meet me over at camera three please? Hey Earth, how's it going? So I guess kissing your ass doesn't work. We call you beautiful, precious, mother. Gave you your own day. Just like veterans and groundhogs. We even named you planet of the year in 1988 -- even though by any objective estimation that was Neptune's year. We try to make nice, and what do you do? Not only do you kill us in a thousand different ways, but when we raise your temperature by just a degree -- one little degree -- you're all, 'Oh, it's so hot now, my polar ice caps are melting!' You're a pussy! I got news for you, Earth, you're not the only rock in the neighborhood, you know what I'm saying?" --Jon Stewart
http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html
“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth
and Orwell’s 1984.”
