They wake up to a hot cup of c*caine (Enola, your uncle’s longtime roommate)

This week has seen the stock market plummet with the Dow Jones index falling 890 points. Despite attempts, there is “no good way to spin the story” and the news has been “bumming out everybody on Wall Street” with those who work there reportedly exhausted. Do you know how hard it is to exhaust Wall Street? They wake up to a hot cup of cocaine and then just to take the edge off, more cocaine. —Stephen Colbert 

The ex-Fox News pundit turned military chief Pete Hegseth is “less DEI more DUI” but has been in charge of removing “scary woke words from the internet. This has included the deletion of a photo of the Enola Gay plane, which dropped an atomic bomb on Japan during the second world war. It has been replaced with a photo of Enola, your uncle’s longtime roommate. —Stephen Colbert

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

The new CEO’s head is being snapped on as we speak (So finally some good news for the Jonas Brothers)

The CEO of Lego will be replaced next year. The new CEO’s head is being snapped on as we speak. –Conan O’Brien

According to a new poll, only 19% of New Jersey residents

approve of their governor, Chris Christie. And they’re all

restaurant owners. –Conan O’Brien

An expert panel has recommended that a medically-induced

pregnancy made from three people’s DNA could begin as early

as next year. So finally some good news for the Jonas Brothers.

–Conan O’Brien

Donald Trump has yet to pick a secretary of state. Right now it’s between Mitt Romney and a guy spinning a sign in front of a “we buy gold” shop. –Conan O’Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Dumber than Bush, no lie.

"Last night at the Republican debate MSNBC put little factoids about the candidates on the screen as they were speaking. For instance, Michele Bachmann: Pet peeve: facts. Gives Jesus the creeps. Has never seen her husband naked. Governor Rick Perry: Dumber than Bush, no lie. Motto: 'Don’t mess with Texes.' In high school voted 'Most likely to execute 200+ people.' Newt Gingrich: Even fatter in real life. Carpet matches the drapes. Favorite color: Donuts." –Conan O'Brien



"Rick Perry said he understands healthcare because his wife is a nurse. He also says he understands terrorism because he watched all the seasons of '24.'" –Conan O'Brien