the Census Bureau lost count halfway through and had to start over (It's almost as if it works or something)

"The Pilgrims landed on this date in 1620. The first year they lost everything they had, in an Indian casino." –David Letterman

"Sarah Palin is angry that Michelle Obama is suggesting that parents encourage their kids to eat healthy. Palin thinks that if we have healthy children, the terrorists have won." –David Letterman 

David Letterman's "Top Ten Surprises In The 2010 Census"

10. Census Bureau lost count halfway through and had to start over

9. Population has grown by 9.7 percent; Population's waist size has grown by 42 percent

8. North Dakota is used mainly for storage

7. The profile of the average American is a Minnesota claims adjuster name Duane

6. Wealthiest neighborhood is wherever Tiger Woods' ex-wife is staying that day

5. More Americans get their news from RKO newsreels than from any other source

4. Only one American wore a meat dress last year

3. Osama bin Laden owns a specialty cheese shop in Park Slope, Brooklyn

2. Eighty-seven percent of professional athletes have dated Kim Kardashian

1. Most common name for women: Mrs. Larry King

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Hey, I did it with the Pilgrims and the Indians

"At first people thought the government shutdown would last maybe a day, at the most a week. Now people are concerned, and experts are saying the shutdown may last as long as a Kardashian marriage." –David Letterman 



"Obamacare covers a wide range of services and medical attention. For example, it will even cover a DNA test to see if you're Frank Sinatra's son." –David Letterman


"This government shutdown has been such a big mess that Republicans are looking to Senator John McCain to negotiate a deal to end it. When asked if he could bring them together, McCain said, 'Hey, I did it with the Pilgrims and the Indians.'" –Jimmy Fallon