Unfortunately, the record was for largest coffin

Conservative pundit Glenn Beck said Friday that Ted Cruz was “anointed” by God to become president. To which God replied, “No, no, no, I said he was ‘annoying.’” –Seth Meyers

Video was released this weekend of a man setting a new world record by eating 200 Peeps in 14 minutes. Unfortunately, the record was for “largest coffin.” –Seth Meyers

A man in Egypt held up a flight today with the demand that he would not release its passengers until a love letter was delivered to his ex-wife. And afterwards his ex-wife said, “THIS is why. Stuff like THIS is why.” –Seth Meyers

If you have to hijack a plane, she's just not that into you

A man used a fake bomb to hijack an EgyptAir flight. Here's the crazy part — it was all an attempt to deliver a love letter to his ex-wife who he was trying to win back. So relax, everyone. It’s not terrorism, just good old stalking and harassment. I don't know about you, but to me it looks like someone forgot to check his emotional baggage. –James Corden

This is just like a romantic comedy. The man was like, “I'm just a hijacker, standing in front of his hostages, asking them to deliver this letter to my ex.” This guy was really feeling bad about his breakup. Cops knew he wasn't your average terrorist when a list of his demands included sweat pants, ice cream, and an Adele CD. I feel sorry for this guy. I feel like I want to give him some advice and say to him, “If you have to hijack a plane, she's just not that into you.” –James Corden