The places he hides his money are the same places...

"Other people say that Mitt should balance the ticket by picking someone who has taken all of the opposite positions of him, like himself." –Bill Maher



"Mitt Romney trying to compete for the youth vote told some kids that some of the places he hides his money are the same places they go to spring break." –Bill Maher



"Newt Gingrich says he's going to make an announcement on Tuesday that he's suspending his presidential campaign. Yes, he's letting us down gently. And also because technicians are still working on Callista to install her sad face." –Bill Maher 

John Hulse painting

Values, also floor mats and wet wipes...

"President Obama invited a rapper to the White House on Wednesday. The right-wing feigned outrage machine is apoplectic that the rapper Common was invited to an evening poetry, or as they call it, black-on-black rhyme. Sarah Palin tweeted one of her brain farts. She said, 'Inviting Common to the White House lacked class and decency,' and that's why her children are only allowed to make babies while listening to country music." –Bill Maher



"Newt Gingrich made it official: he's in. Not in the presidential race -- in a trivia book called 'Whatever Happened to Last Century's Biggest A**holes?'" –Bill Maher



"They say the key to Newt Gingrich's campaign is going to be his third wife, Callista, who used to be the mistress. For six years while he was married to his second wife, she blew him in the car. The theme of their campaign: values. I'm not kidding. Values, also floor mats and wet wipes." –Bill Maher



John Hulse: The Best and Worst Job I Ever Had