The Tea Party is now divided between angry whites and even angrier whites

"General Petraeus is telling his friends he screwed up royally by having an affair with his biographer. Well, duh! If you want to keep an affair secret, don't have sex with the woman who's writing your life story." –Jay Leno 



"Since losing the election, Mitt Romney is reportedly bored. After hearing this, Ann Romney said, 'You're bored? I'm sitting around all day with Mitt Romney.'" –Conan O'Brien



"A lot of dissension among conservatives. One of the leaders of the Tea Party has resigned after a major split in the movement. The Tea Party is now divided between angry whites and even angrier whites." –Conan O'Brien



John Hulse painting

Just the Tip

"CIA director General David Petraeus resigned Friday after it was revealed he was having an affair with the woman who wrote his biography, 'All In.' Of course when they first started working on the book, it was called, 'Just The Tip.'" –Seth Meyers 

"Republicans still will not admit that they underestimated the power of the Hispanic vote. As a matter of fact, Latinos are calling this Cinco Denio." –David Letterman



"The movie 'Lincoln' opened over the weekend. It's getting unbelievable reviews. It's so authentic. Daniel Day-Lewis plays Lincoln. Sally Field plays Mary Todd Lincoln. John McCain plays himself." –Jay Leno