On the bright side every night is ladies night (I never thought I'd be this eager to put my pants on)

President Clinton is expected to be released from the hospital and he'll be allowed to go home. Clinton was excited about it and said I never thought I'd be this eager to put my pants on. --Conan O’Brien 9/10/2004

Martha Stewart is being investigated on possible insider trading charges. I think Martha might be guilty because today on her program she showed viewers how to make license plates. --Conan O’Brien June, 2002

Bill Clinton's presidential library opened yesterday and it costs $7 to get in. On the bright side every night is ladies night. --Conan O’Brien 11/9/2004

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”