they use it as a replacement for their girlfriend (except in Iraq)

The FDA is currently debating whether the chocolate hazelnut topping Nutella should be classified as a dessert or a spread. Which is ridiculous. Nutella isn’t a dessert or a spread, it’s a cry for help. –James Corden

The Food and Drug Administration is asking people what they use Nutella for, and 37 percent said dessert, 23 percent said as a spread, and 40 percent said they use it as a replacement for their girlfriend. –James Corden

Also in the news, last night the Cubs won the World Series for the first time since 1908. That’s so long ago, the 2016 election hadn’t even started yet. –James Corden