"Today they took Rob Ford's
office budget and his staff away. He has been removed from his position on
committees and lost his power to fill vacancies. The only power he has left is
to represent the city at official functions. That's actually the one I would be
worried about." –Jimmy Kimmel
"Thanksgiving is right around the
corner. As you know, the traditional Thanksgiving began in 1621 when Native
Americans sat down with a bunch of undocumented pilgrims. They had dinner and
the pilgrims never left." –Jay Leno
"There's
a turkey shortage. Are you aware of that fact? There's also a gravy shortage.
It's up to $4 a gallon. Governor Chris Christie wants to build a gravy
pipeline." –David Letterman
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