"Last night President Obama hosted
Republican senators for dinner at the White House. The president said he had to
do without salt, pepper, and butter – because as you know, the Republicans
refuse to pass anything." –Jay Leno
"Donald Trump is going to
be a grandfather. It's true. That thing on his head is pregnant." –Craig
Ferguson
"Stop
buying the hype about North Korea. Think about
it -- Monday is tax day. This is why your taxes are so high because they scare
you into giving your money to the Pentagon." –Bill Maher
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