God has picked us up for another 22 weeks

"You know what Arnold Schwarzenegger calls a quickie? A Minute Maid." –Jay Leno

"Harold Camping is now predicting that the world will end in October. In show business terms, that means God has picked us up for another 22 weeks." –Jay Leno
 


"Tim Pawlenty is running for President. I won't say he's boring, but his Secret Service Code name is Al Gore." –Jay Leno

"The Supreme Court has upheld Arizona's law which penalizes employers for hiring workers who are in the country illegally. And in a related story, in Phoenix a head of lettuce now costs 137 dollars." –Jay Leno