"The first Republican presidential debate was held on Monday night. Seven Republican presidential candidates got together to agree on how much they dislike the government they would like to run. Imagine if you did that in a job interview." –Jimmy Kimmel
"Mitt Romney is the front runner at this point, mostly because he looks like the guy they would cast as the president in a disaster movie." –Jimmy Kimmel
"Happy birthday to Donald Trump, who turned 65, allegedly. We still haven't seen the birth certificate so we don't know for sure." –Jimmy Kimmel
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