and Gruber fell from the tower (2026 JH2)

Astronomers discovered an asteroid that barely missed Earth and are calling it 2026 JH2. If it had hit Earth, it would have been called Oh, Sh*t! —Greg Gutfeld

ComicCon, the convention that celebrates comics, science fiction, anime, and gaming, is now coming to Abu Dhabi. The good news is terrorists won't have to blow themselves up to see 72 virgins. —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

I believe the last time that happened, someone got impeached (At least he lived long enough to see the Royal Wedding)

"Astronomers think that the planet Earth will be sucked into a black hole, swallowed by a black hole. I believe the last time that happened, someone got impeached." --David Letterman

"Quite a weekend! Did you folks enjoy Osama bin Laden's season finale? At least he lived long enough to see the Royal Wedding." –David Letterman

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

the burritos are conveniently wrapped in divorce papers (Teachers became suspicious when the school band sounded good)

Astronomers reportedly discovered 60 new planets near our solar system. “How are the schools?” asked Melania. –Seth Meyers

Taco Bell has announced plans to offer a $600 wedding service at its flagship restaurant in Las Vegas. And this is cool — the burritos are conveniently wrapped in divorce papers. –Seth Meyers

And finally, a Cleveland mom was arrested this week after a child brought marijuana-infused gummy candies to school and shared them with at least 12 other students. Teachers became suspicious when the school band sounded good. --Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

And this is cool — the burritos are conveniently wrapped in divorce papers (How are the schools?)

Pope Francis loudly scolded a fan in Mexico yesterday after the man grabbed his arm and pulled him down. And after hearing that the Pope yelled at a Mexican, Donald Trump converted to Catholicism. –Seth Meyers

Taco Bell has announced plans to offer a $600 wedding service at its flagship restaurant in Las Vegas. And this is cool — the burritos are conveniently wrapped in divorce papers. –Seth Meyers

Astronomers reportedly discovered 60 new planets near our solar system. “How are the schools?” asked Melania. –Seth Meyers

Donald Trump said at a recent campaign rally that he has “never met a human being who’s lied” as much as Ted Cruz. Then Melania said, “You tell ’em, handsome!” --Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Oh, I thought you meant Libya Newton-John (You don't have to imagine that last one)

I think Donald Trump will drop out once he finds out how much money the president actually makes. I think he pays his hair flap engineer more than $400,000 a year. –Jimmy Kimmel

"Herman Cain flubbed a question on Libya yesterday and then tried to cover by saying, 'Oh, I thought you meant Libya Newton-John.'" –Jimmy Kimmel

Astronomers have discovered a previously unknown planet only 11 light years from Earth that could possibly support human life. They call it Ross 128-b. Which sounds like a “Friends” spinoff where David Schwimmer is divorced from Rachel and forced to live alone in a sad apartment. –Jimmy Kimmel

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

the planet may be inhabited by aliens not paying their fair share (the same 47 percent I don't care about)

October 2012

"A new poll found that only 47 percent of voters find Mitt Romney to be trustworthy. Then Romney was like, 'Well, I hope it's not the same 47 percent I don't care about.'" –Jimmy Fallon

"This week President Obama's Facebook page received more than a million 'Likes' in a single day. All of them from Republicans who watched last week's debate." –Jimmy Fallon

"There is a lot of anticipation for tonight's vice-presidential debate. Joe Biden took six days off to prepare for it. President Obama took just two days off. Well, three if you count the actual debate." –Jay Leno

"Astronomers have discovered a planet that is twice the size of earth and made of diamonds. President Obama says the planet may be inhabited by aliens not paying their fair share." –Jay Leno

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

his Body-Mass Index now matches his approval rating (crazy-haired blowhard billionaires)

"Good news. President Bush had his physical last week, and passed his physical. No word on the mental. But the doctors say he's okay, but he might want to go on a diet, because his Body-Mass Index has jumped to 26. On the bright side, his Body-Mass Index now matches his approval rating." --David Letterman

"Astronomers think that the planet Earth will be sucked into a black hole, swallowed by a black hole. I believe the last time that happened, someone got impeached." --David Letterman

David Letterman's "Top Ten Surprises On Barack Obama's Birth Certificate"

10. Was born at a luau 

9. Parents crossed out original choice for first name, "Gary" 

8. Is a triplet, born with sisters Mary-Kate and Ashley Obama 

7. Also released as an audiobook read by John Lithgow 

6. It's covered in poi stains 

5. Claims he's a baby when Obama is clearly an adult — It's a forgery! 

4. Under "Conspiracy?” They checked "No" 

3. Document notarized by Magnum P.I. 

2. Note reads "To be released only at the request of crazy-haired blowhard billionaires"
1. Fine print at bottom: Not an actual birth certificate

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

In fact, today they introduced the Chick-on-Chick-fil-A (so it’s pretty scary either way)

"Experts now say the protests in Egypt were started by bloggers. Bloggers started the whole thing on Facebook. In fact, the No. 1 choice to replace Mubarak — Justin Bieber." –Jay Leno

"Chicago is expecting 20 inches of snow. Rahm Emanuel says he’s happy he doesn’t really live there." –Jay Leno

"The owners of Chick-fil-A restaurants were very anti-gay-marriage, but now they’ve reversed their stand, In fact, today they introduced the Chick-on-Chick-fil-A." –Jay Leno

"Astronomers say that 8 years from today an asteroid has a 1 in 200,000 chance of hitting Earth. About the same chance Sarah Palin has of becoming President, so it’s pretty scary either way." –Jay Leno

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

I got up the next day and I could only stutter in Spanish (You just might be a republican)

I woke up and I was folding my bed back into a couch and I almost broke both my arms because it wasn’t one of those types of couches. --Steven Wright

I went through a stop sign and the police stopped me. They said why did you go through the sign. I said, hey I don’t believe everything I read. --Steven Wright

I'm gonna get a tattoo over my whole body of me but taller. --Steven Wright

I've been getting into astronomy so I installed a skylight. The people who live above me are furious. --Steven Wright

I bought an album that teaches you different languages. You put the album on, you put headphones on, and you learn the language while you're sleeping. During the night the record skipped. I got up the next day and I could only stutter in Spanish. --Steven Wright

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”  

NASA didn’t even start looking for new planets until after Donald Trump was elected president? (Me Too)

Astronomers have discovered a previously unknown planet only 11 light years from Earth that could possibly support human life. They call it Ross 128-b. Which sounds like a “Friends” spinoff where David Schwimmer is divorced from Rachel and forced to live alone in a sad apartment. –Jimmy Kimmel

But it’s not, it’s a planet. It might have water, which would make it possible to sustain life. As far as they know, Donald Trump is not president there. Do you know NASA didn’t even start looking for new planets until after Donald Trump was elected president? –Jimmy Kimmel

    

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #JohnHulsecollectedpoems #Bernie2020 #repealreplacerepublicans

It's part of a larger solar system that includes Chandler, Joey and Monica 128 (canary in the coal mine)

I can't believe Trump and Kim Jong Un are still going back and forth like this. Like the two of them have literally become the characters in every romcom you have ever seen. They're insulting each other so much you just know they'll actually end up together. –James Corden

Astronomers announced today that they have discovered an earth-sized planet in our corner of the galaxy that is potentially habitable by humans. Yeah, they think the planet may have breathable air and drinkable water, which is impressive because we barely have those things here in Los Angeles. The planet in question orbits a star called Ross 128. It's part of a larger solar system that includes Chandler, Joey and Monica 128. –James Corden

     

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #JohnHulsecollectedpoems #Bernie2020 #repealreplacerepublicans

Our entire solar system is a telenovela (wingman disciples/I'm Batman)

Today is President Trump’s 71st birthday. Trump received a card from Vladimir Putin that said, “I hope you’re enjoying the birthday present I gave you in November.” –Conan O’Brien

There’s a new version of the Bible that has updated language that’s coming out. For example, it refers to Jesus’ disciples as “wingmen.” –Conan O’Brien

Astronomers are now speculating that our sun may have had a long lost twin. So, it’s official: Our entire solar system is a telenovela. –Conan O’Brien

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #Bernie2020 #JusticeDemocrats

a mysterious signal from space (Covfefeblanca)

Trump’s been causing a lot of problems with the things he’s tweeted recently, but the White House says he isn’t concerned with being politically correct. Then they clarified their statement and said he isn't even concerned about being correct. –Jimmy Fallon

There’s a proposed bill in New York that would allow medical marijuana to be prescribed for menstrual cramps. Which is why millions of men in New York are now saying "it is my time of the month." –Conan O’Brien

Astronomers are saying that a mysterious signal from space was caused by gas surrounding a comet. Of course, the comet is claiming the gas came from its dog. –Conan O’Brien

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #Bernie2020 #JusticeDemocrats

JOKES: the level of, like, a-woman-brushing-up-against-them-on-the-subway exciting

Earlier today, President Trump held a press conference where he insulted the media, criticized Hillary Clinton, and talked about a hypothetical nuclear holocaust. Even Sean Spicer was like, “You should not be talking to reporters.” –Jimmy Fallon

There is so much going on in the world right now. Not just in the world, there’s a lot going on in the universe. For those of you who are looking to get off the planet, astronomers at the Carnegie Institution discovered more than 100 potential planets that may be habitable, which means we’re one step closer to finding a planet with intelligent life. –Jimmy Kimmel

It’s exciting, especially for members of the scientific community — this is on the level of, like, a-woman-brushing-up-against-them-on-the-subway exciting. –Jimmy Kimmel

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

JOKES: Astronomers reportedly discovered 60 new planets near our solar system (How are the schools?)

Astronomers reportedly discovered 60 new planets near our solar system. “How are the schools?” asked Melania. –Seth Meyers

Defense officials are reporting that a Russian spy ship has been spotted patrolling 30 miles off the coast of the United States. Said one U.S. official [shows photo of Trump], “Oh, that’s my Uber.” –Seth Meyers

This afternoon, we learned that Trump’s secretary of labor nominee, Andy Puzder, has withdrawn his nomination. Just to be clear, this is not a scandal. He says he just wants to spend more time with Michael Flynn. –Stephen Colbert

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

JOKES: That’s OK, I like being dominated (What Buck?)

At the box office this past weekend, “Lego Batman” beat out the sequel to “Fifty Shades of Grey.” When asked for comment, the movie “Fifty Shades” said, “That’s OK, I like being dominated.” –Conan O’Brien

Astronomers say they now know the approximate weight of the Milky Way. They found this out by adding 10 pounds to the Milky Way’s weight on its Tinder profile. –Conan O’Brien

Thieves in London made off with $3 million worth of rare books from the Middle Ages. Authorities describe the suspect as “boring.” –Conan O’Brien

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html