his Body-Mass Index now matches his approval rating (crazy-haired blowhard billionaires)

"Good news. President Bush had his physical last week, and passed his physical. No word on the mental. But the doctors say he's okay, but he might want to go on a diet, because his Body-Mass Index has jumped to 26. On the bright side, his Body-Mass Index now matches his approval rating." --David Letterman

"Astronomers think that the planet Earth will be sucked into a black hole, swallowed by a black hole. I believe the last time that happened, someone got impeached." --David Letterman

David Letterman's "Top Ten Surprises On Barack Obama's Birth Certificate"

10. Was born at a luau 

9. Parents crossed out original choice for first name, "Gary" 

8. Is a triplet, born with sisters Mary-Kate and Ashley Obama 

7. Also released as an audiobook read by John Lithgow 

6. It's covered in poi stains 

5. Claims he's a baby when Obama is clearly an adult — It's a forgery! 

4. Under "Conspiracy?” They checked "No" 

3. Document notarized by Magnum P.I. 

2. Note reads "To be released only at the request of crazy-haired blowhard billionaires"
1. Fine print at bottom: Not an actual birth certificate

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”