I believe the last time that happened, someone got impeached (At least he lived long enough to see the Royal Wedding)

"Astronomers think that the planet Earth will be sucked into a black hole, swallowed by a black hole. I believe the last time that happened, someone got impeached." --David Letterman

"Quite a weekend! Did you folks enjoy Osama bin Laden's season finale? At least he lived long enough to see the Royal Wedding." –David Letterman

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Oh, you misunderstood. We're shooting peasants (You lost me at 2,000 pages . . . and lost me again at Don Jr.)

Dunkin' Donuts is celebrating the Royal wedding by offering a heart-shaped donut, and Chili's is offering special burger-inspired hats. Which explains our new slogan: "America: We Don't Understand Royalty." --Jimmy Fallon

“It was reported recently that Prince Harry will opt out of the royal family's annual pheasant shoot due to his wife Meghan Markle's love of animals. Said Queen Elizabeth, "Oh, you misunderstood. We're shooting peasants." --Jimmy Fallon

Today over 2,000 pages of testimony were released about the 2016 meeting between Donald Trump Jr. and a Russian lawyer. The president heard and was like, "You lost me at 2,000 pages . . . and lost me again at Don Jr." --Jimmy Fallon

Two people in Arkansas were arrested for stealing $5,000 worth of Little Debbie snack cakes. They were charged with theft and I assume possession of weed. –Jimmy Fallon

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

He wants to change his plea, I guess, to extra guilty (it's an exciting time to be in the commemorative plate business)

Donald Trump had a big win. Indiana is a basketball state. He’s worried that if he spent too much time there, people might try to grab his orange head and try to dribble it. –Jimmy Kimmel

"Al Gore won the Nobel Peace Prize. I guess he made some movie about the weather or something. He has had some year. He won an Emmy, an Oscar, and now the Nobel Prize. The only thing he didn't win was president. It's incredible. In three years, the guy went from Urkel to Fonzie."  --Jimmy Kimmel

"Between the death of bin Laden and the royal wedding, it's an exciting time to be in the commemorative plate business." –Jimmy Kimmel

"Idaho Senator and Minneapolis airport toilet aficionado Larry Craig was in court yesterday trying to withdraw his guilty plea for disorderly conduct. He wants to change it, I guess, to extra guilty." --Jimmy Kimmel

"There was a big story in The New York Times today about Senator John McCain, who's running for president. It questioned his ties to a lobbyist named Vicki Iseman. The story 'hinted' that McCain may have had an extramarital affair with her, but the weird thing is she looks almost exactly like John McCain's wife, Cindy. So he might have just got confused and grabbed the wrong woman. These two look more alike than the Olson twins." --Jimmy Kimmel

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

He did not speak, they just needed him to move a podium (Our meal today? Americans!)

"Earlier today, President Bush addressed the General Assembly at the U.N. and he was coolly received by a skeptical audience. Oh, I get that every night. It's no big deal. California Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger was also at the U.N. summit. He did not speak, they just needed him to move a podium." --David Letterman

"But it was a pretty eventful session. Listen to this ... Barack Obama dozed off for 15 minutes and raised another $10 million." --David Letterman

"How about that President Bush, yesterday made a surprise visit to Iraq. I don't know whether it was jet lag or if he was just confused, but he served the troops Thanksgiving dinner. President Bush was in Iraq for 8 hours. Nice to see he has an escape strategy." --David Letterman

"It's been two years since the SEAL team busted in and got Osama bin Laden. On the night of the raid, the guy never knew what hit him. It's like being married to a Kardashian." –David Letterman

"Quite a weekend! Did you folks enjoy Osama bin Laden's season finale? At least he lived long enough to see the Royal Wedding." –David Letterman

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

We must NEVER forget the lessons of September 11th (the Sgt. Pepper collection)

May 2, 2011

"The good news: Osama bin Laden is dead. The bad news: there is no bad news." –Jay Leno

"It looks like President Obama has a new campaign slogan: 'Yes I Did.'" –Jay Leno

"Osama bin Laden was apparently shot twice in the face. It looks like Dick Cheney may have been involved." –Jay Leno 

"At the royal wedding, Kate Middleton wore a dress designed by Sarah Burton and Prince William wore something from the Sgt. Pepper collection." –Jay Leno

"For their honeymoon, the royal couple wants to go somewhere they can have complete privacy and no one in the country will give away their location. I think they're going to Pakistan." –Jay Leno

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

it's an exciting time to be in the commemorative plate business (best Shark Week ever)

"By the way – I should point out that - on the same night Obama was ordering the Navy to kill Osama Bin Laden, his potential opponent in 2012, Donald Trump was busy firing Playmate of the Month Hope Dworaczyk." –Jimmy Kimmel

"And so, Osama Bin Laden got his first bath in almost ten years. This could the best Shark Week ever." –Jimmy Kimmel

"Between the death of bin Laden and the royal wedding, it's an exciting time to be in the commemorative plate business." –Jimmy Kimmel

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

There was a mix up and he was greeted by 72 vegans (At least he lived long enough to see the Royal Wedding)

"Quite a weekend! Did you folks enjoy Osama bin Laden's season finale? At least he lived long enough to see the Royal Wedding." –David Letterman

"How about those Navy Seals. We're getting our money's worth there. They broke into Osama bin Laden's compound with 12-foot walls topped by barbed wire, and fired a warning shot into his head." –David Letterman

"There's already been some trouble for Osama bin Laden in the afterlife. There was a mix up and he was greeted by 72 vegans." –David Letterman 

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

I’m just going to leave the punchline up to you (Praise the Lard!)

from April 2011

"They have to put Trump on every program, spewing his crazy ideas, because his poll numbers are so high. And his poll numbers are so high because they put him on every program, spewing his crazy ideas." –Jon Stewart

"In the survey of happiest countries, Denmark, Sweden and Finland were the top three. U.S. came in 12th. Imagine how far our ranking will fall if we ever hear the words 'President Trump.'" –Craig Ferguson

"New Jersey had a governor, married, who decided he was a homosexual, and he was having so much fun being a homosexual that he didn’t want to be governor any more, and now he wants to become a Catholic priest. I’m just going to leave the punchline up to you." –David Letterman

"Hey, who's excited about the Royal Wedding? I'm conflicted. I can't figure out whether I don't care or whether I couldn't care less. I think we're all more excited about the royal divorce." –David Letterman

"WikiLeaks has information about the people that were incarcerated at Guantanamo Bay. Many of them were charged with terrorism and conspiracy, and one person was actually charged with shoplifting a necklace." –David Letterman 

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

You guys know I’m the one who’s going to be king, right? (upstaging the bride by being Oprah)

Thousands of people filled the streets to cheer for Prince Harry and Meghan. Meanwhile, Prince William was like, “You guys know I’m the one who’s going to be king, right? I’m kind of a big deal too.” --Jimmy Fallon

Oprah was at the royal wedding, and the day before, she changed her dress when she realized it was too close to white. Because it’s rude to upstage the bride by wearing white when you’re already upstaging the bride by being Oprah. --Jimmy Fallon

The Trump administration is trying to stop leaks by allowing fewer people into White House meetings. The president loved the idea until he found out that he’s one of the people no longer allowed in the meetings. --Jimmy Fallon

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

In fact, today Queen Elizabeth made 60 bucks (that used to be Prince Harry’s pick-up line)

Former President Obama and Mrs. Obama have just signed a multi-year deal with Netflix. Meanwhile, President Trump has just signed a multi-year deal with Melania. --Conan O’Brien

Some royal wedding guests are already selling their gift bags on eBay. In fact, today Queen Elizabeth made 60 bucks. --Conan O’Brien

Fun fact, if six members of the royal family die, Meghan Markle would become the queen of England. Second fun fact, that used to be Prince Harry’s pick-up line. --Conan O’Brien

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

America: We Don't Understand Royalty (And Iran was like, "I know, it's crazy, right?")

Kim Jong Un might cancel his meeting with Trump, where they were supposed to discuss North Korea's nuclear weapons. Trump was like, "How could someone just pull out of a nuclear agreement?" And Iran was like, "I know, it's crazy, right?" --Jimmy Fallon

The Royal wedding is just three days away! Which means in just three days, the world will finally get to see the queen do the Electric Slide. --Jimmy Fallon

Dunkin' Donuts is celebrating the Royal wedding by offering a heart-shaped donut, and Chili's is offering special burger-inspired hats. Which explains our new slogan: "America: We Don't Understand Royalty." --Jimmy Fallon

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

At least he lived long enough to see the Royal Wedding

"Quite a weekend! Did you folks enjoy Osama bin Laden's season finale? At least he lived long enough to see the Royal Wedding." –David Letterman



"How about those Navy Seals. We're getting our money's worth there. They broke into Osama bin Laden's compound with 12-foot walls topped by barbed wire, and fired a warning shot into his head." –David Letterman 

"There's already been some trouble for Osama bin Laden in the afterlife. There was a mix up and he was greeted by 72 vegans." –David Letterman 



John Hulse photography