His signature dish is pan seared squirrel I ran over in my Lexus (Nancy Pelosi bought stock in Galoshes)

RFK Jr. is launching a new cooking show where he will prepare meals using the new dietary guidelines. It's called Where's my pet? His signature dish is pan seared squirrel I ran over in my Lexus. —Greg Gutfeld 

The explosive diarrhea parasite has now been detected in 45 states. In a totally unrelated story, Nancy Pelosi bought stock in Galoshes. —Greg Gutfeld 

Surveillance footage shows a mother in Georgia using a gas pump to thwart a gunman trying to abduct her child. I don't know who was crazier, the gunman or the woman willing to waste $4 gas. —Greg Gutfeld 

And finally, NASA has a powerful new telescope that's ready to launch. They plan to use it to look at faraway galaxies once they're done pointing it at Sydney Sweeney's bedroom window. —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

I met him in Fort Lauderdale (Message received)

Earlier this week, GI Joe turned 62. Wow. I'll never forget my first G.I. Joe. I met him in Fort Lauderdale. Stole my heart and my wallet. —Greg Gutfeld

In a recent interview, actress Sydney Sweeney said she's looking for a man who is athletic, outgoing, and funny. Message received. —Greg Gutfeld

In a Wisconsin neighborhood, postal workers were terrorized and chased by wild turkeys. “Did someone say wild turkey?”, asked Kamala Harris. —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

What's this about explosive head? (it had nothing to do with deli meat)

So, Sunday night on CBS, they aired the Golden Globes. It's the only award show named after Sydney Sweeney's chest. —Greg Gutfeld

Winning for best picture was a movie called Hamnet, though Chris Christie was disappointed to find out it had nothing to do with deli meat. —Greg Gutfeld 

The US reportedly incapacitated Venezuelan troops with a sonic weapon that one survivor described as feeling like his head was exploding from the inside. "What's this about explosive head?" asked Bill Clinton. —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Wow! Wait till she hears about White Christmas (Birthday Cards)

On a recent podcast, Sydney Sweeney was asked if her breasts were real while she was attached to a lie detector. In a related story I’ve been moonlighting as a lie detector. —Greg Gutfeld

When describing her book tour, Kamala Harris said, “Every place we’ve gone has sold out.” Yes, of Mike’s Hard Lemonade. —Greg Gutfeld

Joy Reid posted a video where she claimed Jingle Bells is racist. Wow! Wait till she hears about White Christmas. —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

the baby on the Pampers box (picking up a fresh load of spices from the new world)

Martha Stewart has replaced Sydney Sweeney in the new American Eagle denim campaign. And in related news, Joe Biden has replaced the baby on the Pampers box. —Greg Gutfeld

The country's largest warship, the USS Gerald R. Ford, is now sailing into the Caribbean due to escalating tensions between Trump and Venezuela. Meanwhile, the USS Biden is picking up a fresh load of spices from the new world. —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

You know, you hate to see these two fight unless it’s in a kiddie pool full of jello (Hillary Clinton went out and got a dog)

A new report says Sydney Sweeney and Zendaya are in a bitter feud over their opposing political views. You know, you hate to see these two fight unless it’s in a kiddie pool full of jello. —Greg Gutfeld

A Pennsylvania man said he was shot after his dog jumped on a shotgun he had placed on his bed. After hearing this story, Hillary Clinton went out and got a dog. —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

It raised concerns among viewers who panicked that someone had eaten Sydney Sweeney (better stamina during sex)

President Trump said even the Indians want the name the Redskins back. He followed up by saying it's just a matter of if, when, or how. —Greg Gutfeld

Elizabeth Warren fell down on the Senate floor yesterday and to everyone's surprise, didn't even yell Geronimo. —Greg Gutfeld

Abercrombie and Fitch launched a new jeans commercial with plus-sized women, which raised concerns among viewers who panicked that someone had eaten Sydney Sweeney. —Greg Gutfeld

President Trump is bringing back the presidential fitness test for public schools. Teachers are excited because it means students will have much better stamina during sex. —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Well, it's Epstein Files Not Released Day...Again (b*** plug night)

Geese have reportedly caused a popular beach in Finland to be covered in a shocking amount of poop. Define a shocking amount of poop said Biden’s night nurse. —Greg Gutfeld

Some pervert threw a green dildo on the court during a WNBA game. Fans were shocked because it was butt plug night. —Greg Gutfeld

American Eagle stock has gone way up since airing the Sydney Sweeney jeans commercial. Also up. Boners. —Greg Gutfeld

Singer Katy Perry was spotted on a date with Canada’s former Prime Minister Justin Trudeau. Who knew she was a lesbian? —Greg Gutfeld

In a recent poll, men struggled to name a masculine leader in the democratic party except Obama. Causing pollsters to ask, which one? —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

I am an activist nurse (whatever you do don't ask about the Magic Johnson)

An ex-girlfriend of Sean Diddy Combs testified they would use the names of famous NBA players as codes for sex acts. Yeah, so whatever you do don't ask about the Magic Johnson. —Greg Gutfeld

Soap made out of actress Sydney Sweeney's bathwater is being resold online for as much as $1,600. Meanwhile Joy Behar's bathwater is replacing tear gas to disperse angry rioters. —Greg Gutfeld

Republicans beat the Democrats in the congressional baseball game by a score of 13-2. The game was almost cancelled when Congresswoman Rashida Talib suggested they play shirts against skins. But the game ended up being delayed when someone mistook Nancy Pelosi's face for a catcher's mitt. The game had to be stopped at the second inning when Jerry Nadler started grazing on the outfield grass. —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

which means he now needs Cialis when he needs to wax off (the Master's Tools)

A highly infectious new Covid-19 strain from China has spread to the U.S. To prevent massive death people are advised to ignore Anthony Fauci. —Greg Gutfeld

Karate Kid Legends opens in theaters today and it features the original Karate Kid Daniel LaRusso, which means he now needs Cialis when he needs to wax off. —Greg Gutfeld

Sydney Sweeney is now selling bars of soap made out of her own bath water. This means now teenage boys will start swearing on purpose. —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Bowen's Straight - SNL

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”