the capitalists stopped pretending that it doesn't (baby steps)

“On Tuesday, President Trump posted a map on Truth Social labeling the Strait of Hormuz “NEW U.S. Territory.” The White House said, ‘Look, he stopped posting photos of himself as Jesus, so this is baby steps.’” — Jimmy Fallon

“Well, guys, according to a new poll, President Trump’s approval rating has fallen to 33 percent, the lowest level of his presidency. Yeah, I mean, most people like to drop a few for the summer, but this is pretty bad.” — Jimmy Fallon

“I mean, even diarrhea lettuce is at 34 percent.” — Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

His signature dish is pan seared squirrel I ran over in my Lexus (Nancy Pelosi bought stock in Galoshes)

RFK Jr. is launching a new cooking show where he will prepare meals using the new dietary guidelines. It's called Where's my pet? His signature dish is pan seared squirrel I ran over in my Lexus. —Greg Gutfeld 

The explosive diarrhea parasite has now been detected in 45 states. In a totally unrelated story, Nancy Pelosi bought stock in Galoshes. —Greg Gutfeld 

Surveillance footage shows a mother in Georgia using a gas pump to thwart a gunman trying to abduct her child. I don't know who was crazier, the gunman or the woman willing to waste $4 gas. —Greg Gutfeld 

And finally, NASA has a powerful new telescope that's ready to launch. They plan to use it to look at faraway galaxies once they're done pointing it at Sydney Sweeney's bedroom window. —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Show some respect for the office (it makes it very hard to delay anything)

When Trump last visited Michigan in January, a heckler called him a “pedophile protector” during his visit and once again, during a speech, he was called the same thing. Show some respect for the office. That’s President Pedophile Protector. —Jordan Klepper 

This week has also seen a report showing that the beleaguered Taylor Farms tried to delay an FDA recall announcement after it was alleged the recent explosive diarrhea outbreak originated there. If I understand correctly, cyclospora makes it very hard to delay anything. —Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

I wonder when he's going to find out (Way ahead of you)

To avoid explosive diarrhea attacks, health officials are urging Americans to avoid salad. True Americans said, “Way ahead of you.” —Kat Timpf

Joe Biden is going on a book tour across the United States to promote his new book. Fascinating news. I wonder when he's going to find out. —Kat Timpf

Scientists say for the first time they have made a cell from scratch. And in 25 years that cell will multiply and grow into a girlfriend for Bill Belichick. —Kat Timpf

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

turn to the person to your right, then turn to the person to your left (Trump Diarrhea!)

“We’ve been following this story very closely here at ‘Jimmy Kimmel Live!’ all week, and the outbreak of explosive diarrhea sweeping the nation has now spread to 34 states, including right here in California. Yeah, so I want everyone in our audience right now, turn to the person to your right, then turn to the person to your left. All three of you are about to get explosive diarrhea.” —Ike Barinholtz

“They’re saying one of the reasons this outbreak has been so hard to contain is that last year the C.D.C., under this administration, stopped keeping track of the parasite that causes the explosive diarrhea. But I want to give the president the credit he deserves, and I know how much he loves putting his name on things. So I’m announcing that from now on, this outbreak will be officially known as Trump Diarrhea!” —Ike Barinholtz

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”