this is the worst thing that's ever happened to me (most of his words are slurs)

Towards the end of the speech on Israel today, President Trump

began to slur his words, leading some to speculate that he may

have been wearing dentures. But the White House insists that it's

nothing unusual and that most of his words are slurs. –Seth Meyers

Disneyworld's Hall of Presidents debuted an animatronic President

Trump today. Good lord! Disneyworld, is that supposed to go in the

haunted mansion? Even Lincoln is looking at him like, this is the

worst thing that's ever happened to me. –Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

they try to come back from a 6 billion point deficit (blank pages)

"Disneyworld said that it will help its employees sign up for Obamacare. So finally Sneezy can get some Claritin, Sleepy can get some Adderall, and Grumpy can get some Prozac." –Jimmy Fallon

“President Trump tried to prove how healthy he was this weekend by releasing this photo of him ‘at work.’ Now, some have pointed out that the piece of paper seems to be blank. It seems like a photo-op, but they’ve really just been handing Trump blank pages to sign for the past four years.” —Jimmy Fallon

"EA Sports released a new version of the video game 'NBA Jam' that features Obama, Biden, Bush, and Cheney. Bush and Cheney play the first half, then Obama and Biden try to come back from a 6 billion point deficit." –Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

It’s like he bought the rest of Orlando (beating out the next highest offer of Zero dollars)

October 2022

Elon Musk officially bought Twitter for $44 Billion beating out the next highest offer of Zero dollars. —Colin Jost

Musk sent an open letter to advertisers saying that he doesn’t want Twitter to become a free for all hellscape because that’s his plan for Mars. —Colin Jost

I honestly don’t understand why people are so worried Elon is going to ruin Twitter as if it’s like this beloved American institution. It’s not like he bought Disneyworld. It’s like he bought the rest of Orlando. —Colin Jost

During a white house ceremony, President Biden wished Kamala Harris a happy birthday and then accidentally called her ‘a great president.’ Even worse, he was talking to a portrait of Michelle Obama. —Colin Jost

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

They've tried Nothing and are all out of ideas (Don’t worry, the rats died of E. coli before they hit the ground)

"Elmo from 'Sesame Street' is appearing in a new public service announcement informing people about swine flu. Doctors warn that if you see a red, furry, high-pitched monster informing you about swine flu, you may already have it." --Conan O'Brien

"Disneyworld has become a popular location for Republican fundraisers. A favorite activity is to ride through It's a Small World, and deport most of the dolls." –Conan O'Brien

Chipotle has closed a location in Dallas after diners filmed three rats falling from the ceiling. Don’t worry, the rats died of E. coli before they hit the ground. –Conan O’Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

finally Sneezy can get some Claritin, Sleepy can get some Adderall, and Grumpy can get some Prozac (Ironman 7)

October 2013

"Last night President Obama had an hour-long meeting with Republicans and Democrats, but they were still unable to end the government shutdown situation. So don't worry – while the shutdown is putting people out of work and costing taxpayers millions of dollars, lawmakers did spend a whole hour trying to fix it." –Jimmy Fallon

"Disneyworld said that it will help its employees sign up for Obamacare. So finally Sneezy can get some Claritin, Sleepy can get some Adderall, and Grumpy can get some Prozac." –Jimmy Fallon

"We are at a standstill with the government shutdown. It is costing $300 million a day. That is a full 'Ironman' sequel per day. We could be up to 'Ironman 7' tomorrow." –Jimmy Kimmel

"Nonessential government services have been put on hold. Flight safety inspectors furloughed. National monuments closed. The Grand Canyon is closed. They filled it with Spackle." –Jimmy Kimmel

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night 

of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Apparently when you buy four primaries, you get the fifth for free (I love him as a Dalai, but not as a Lama)

April 2012

"Mitt Romney gets a lot of criticism because he's kind of stiff, he's sort of cold, he's sort of aloof. And I thought, 'Well, wait a minute. Let's look at the bright side of this.' Mitt Romney is an inspiration to kids all over this country who sadly were born without a personality." –David Letterman

"In the wake of the Colombian prostitution scandal, another Secret Service agent has been removed from his position at the White House and demoted to protecting the animatronic presidents at Disneyworld." –David Letterman

"Yesterday Mitt Romney won all five of the primaries. Apparently when you buy four primaries, you get the fifth for free." –Conan O’Brien

"Yesterday the Dalai Lama said he likes George W. Bush as a person, but not as a president. When asked for comment, Bush said, 'I love him as a Dalai, but not as a Lama.'" –Conan O’Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html

“A poet that belongs with the Masters. A magisterial collection. A combination of 

Bukowski’s The Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.” 

 

What if I told you... (And on the other hand...)

Everyone is still talking about President Trump's historic summit with North Korean dictator Kim Jong Un. This was the first time in history an American president had met with a North Korean leader. No one knew what to expect. On one hand, you have this nation led by an outcast with virtually no allies. And on the other hand, you have North Korea. --James Corden

But the two leaders did seem to hit it off. In fact, Trump liked Kim so much, he's said he's going to let him decide the next presidential election. --James Corden

President Trump says he got North Korea to commit to destroying a major missile testing site, but "didn't put it in the agreement because we didn't have time." Didn't have time? What? It's a nuclear deal. It's not a trip to Disneyworld where you didn't have time for Epcot. --James Corden

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Even Lincoln is looking at him like, this is the worst thing that's ever happened to me (catch phrase)

The House passed a Republican tax bill today, which was great news for everyone from the super wealthy all the way down to the that's it. –Seth Meyers

Disneyworld's Hall of Presidents debuted an animatronic President Trump today. Good lord! Disneyworld, is that supposed to go in the haunted mansion? Even Lincoln is looking at him like, this is the worst thing that's ever happened to me. –Seth Meyers

President Trump today denied a Washington Post report that he was considering rescinding his nomination of Supreme Court justice Neil Gorsuch. Prior to his confirmation, calling it, you guessed it, fake news. Hey, man, you're burning out your own catch phrase. –Seth Meyers

Pretty soon you're going to need a new catch phrase, like "It's golfing time." Or "I hereby resign from the presidency of the United States." Oh, that's catchy. –Seth Meyers

     

A magisterial collection. An emotional rollercoaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984. http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

"Bummer!" said literally not one child (rawhide pantsuit)

Disneyworld's Hall of Presidents, which has been closed since January in order to add a new President Trump robot, has reportedly pushed its reopening to the fall. "Bummer!" said literally not one child. –Seth Meyers

In a recent interview, former Georgia congressional candidate John Ossoff said his near-victory for the Democrats last week shows that President Trump and chief strategist Steve Bannon "should be sweating in 2018." Um, have you seen those guys lately? They probably sweat getting out of bed. –Seth Meyers

"How about that presidential campaign? Hillary is down there campaigning in Texas. She is a little nervous, doing everything she can, pulling out all the stops in Texas today. She was campaigning in a rawhide pantsuit." --David Letterman

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #FeeltheBern @justicedems @BrandNew535

The Obamas celebrated their 22nd wedding anniversary

"Secret Service Director Julia Pierson stepped down after two major security breaches at the White House. It turns out Pierson's first job was actually as a costumed character at Disney World. I'm guessing the character was Sleeping Beauty." –Jimmy Fallon



"The Obamas celebrated their 22nd wedding anniversary. It was a quiet late-night supper. It was just the Obamas and a couple of White House fence jumpers." –David Letterman

"Secret Service Director Julia Pierson has resigned, and in her closing statement she said, 'I'm leaving, not because of the breaches in security, but I don't think I can take the pressure of the upcoming trick-or-treaters.'" –David Letterman



Intruders can only sneak into the White House between the hours of 10:00 and 2:00

"After all the recent security problems at the White House, Julia Pierson, the director of the Secret Service, officially resigned yesterday. When asked what she'll do next, Pierson said she just wants to go home and spend some quality time letting strangers in her own house for a while." –Jimmy Fallon



"The head of the Secret Service, Julia Pierson, resigned yesterday. We found out that she once worked at Disney World. She said she preferred working at the White House because people didn't have to wait in line to get in." –Conan O'Brien



"We also learned the new head of the Secret Service used to work for cable company Comcast. So now intruders can only sneak into the White House between the hours of 10:00 and 2:00." –Conan O'Brien



One away from the fun one

"Yesterday Egypt's foreign ministry called on the United States to show respect for the rights of protesters in Ferguson, Missouri. Yeah, Egypt said that. Man, talk about living in glass pyramids." –Jimmy Fallon

"Happy birthday to former President Bill Clinton. He turned 68 today, or as he calls, 'one away from the fun one.'" –Jimmy Fallon



"Disneyworld has become a popular location for Republican fundraisers. A favorite activity is to ride through It's a Small World and deport most of the dolls." –Conan O'Brien



A pill they cannot swallow

"Republicans don't want to shut the government down, they want to end this stalemate and get back to the important work of crippling the government." –Stephen Colbert

"Disneyworld said that it will help its employees sign up for Obamacare. So finally Sneezy can get some Claritin, Sleepy can get some Adderall, and Grumpy can get some Prozac." –Jimmy Fallon



"This week the Tea Party shut the government down because Obamacare is still a pill they cannot swallow. They cannot face that we are heading towards European-style health coverage, but they have no problem that we have an Italian style government." –Bill Maher