The Obamas celebrated their 22nd wedding anniversary

"Secret Service Director Julia Pierson stepped down after two major security breaches at the White House. It turns out Pierson's first job was actually as a costumed character at Disney World. I'm guessing the character was Sleeping Beauty." –Jimmy Fallon



"The Obamas celebrated their 22nd wedding anniversary. It was a quiet late-night supper. It was just the Obamas and a couple of White House fence jumpers." –David Letterman

"Secret Service Director Julia Pierson has resigned, and in her closing statement she said, 'I'm leaving, not because of the breaches in security, but I don't think I can take the pressure of the upcoming trick-or-treaters.'" –David Letterman



Intruders can only sneak into the White House between the hours of 10:00 and 2:00

"After all the recent security problems at the White House, Julia Pierson, the director of the Secret Service, officially resigned yesterday. When asked what she'll do next, Pierson said she just wants to go home and spend some quality time letting strangers in her own house for a while." –Jimmy Fallon



"The head of the Secret Service, Julia Pierson, resigned yesterday. We found out that she once worked at Disney World. She said she preferred working at the White House because people didn't have to wait in line to get in." –Conan O'Brien



"We also learned the new head of the Secret Service used to work for cable company Comcast. So now intruders can only sneak into the White House between the hours of 10:00 and 2:00." –Conan O'Brien



Everyone loves baked salmon

"Today the director of the Secret Service, Julia Pierson, resigned. She's being replaced by the White House's new state-of-the-art security system – a scarecrow." –Seth Meyers



"Scientists in northern California and Oregon found that marijuana gardens are threatening the salmon population. I don't see the problem, really. Everyone loves baked salmon." –Seth Meyers



Not as scary as riding in an elevator with Ray Rice, but still scary..

"Autumn is a beautiful time of year. At the White House, squirrels are rounding up nuts on the lawn, which is more than the Secret Service is doing." –David Letterman



"Secret Service Director Julia Pierson has resigned. She hopped the fence and thanked President Obama." –David Letterman



"A few weeks ago President Obama was riding in an elevator, and it turns out a guy on the elevator had a gun. This is pretty scary stuff. Not as scary as riding in an elevator with Ray Rice, but still scary." –David Letterman

The door is always open, literally.

"Evil dictator Kim Jong Un has not been seen in three weeks. I hate it when a recluse disappears, don't you?" –David Letterman

"Congratulations to Chelsea Clinton. Over the weekend, she gave birth to a baby girl. The baby girl will not confirm or deny whether she's running in 2056." –David Letterman



"After all the recent security breaches at the White House, Julia Pierson, the director of the Secret Service, resigned today. She said she'll miss being in the White House, but knowing the Secret Service, she should be able to come back any time she wants. The door is always open, literally." –Jimmy Fallon