NHL: Arizona Coyotes vs Anaheim Ducks

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

He'll be covering everything from quinceaneras to prom night jitters (Krispy Kreme cyber security)

It was announced that Matt Gaetz will host a new talk show on One American News Network called The Matt Gaetz Show. He'll be covering everything from quinceaneras to prom night jitters. —Michael Che         

Krispy Kreme revealed that its online ordering system was briefly hacked. Apparently, Krispy Kreme cyber security had a few holes. —Michael Che    

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.” 

 

It's all part of Amazon's pledge to drive your dog insane (They ship out next week)

December 2013

"Amazon announced plans for an amazing service called Amazon Prime Air. When you order something from Amazon that weighs five pounds or less, a robot will drop your package on your doorstep. It's all part of Amazon's pledge to drive your dog insane." –Jimmy Kimmel

"You know in some countries seeing an unmanned drone means your village is about to be destroyed. In America it means you ordered Mad Men on Blu-ray." –Jimmy Kimmel

"Only about 50,000 people can use the Obamacare website at a time. Why can only 50,000 people use a government website without crashing it, but 4 million people can watch a kitten try to get its head out of a bag, no problem?" –Jimmy Kimmel 

"Some people got through the Obamacare process only to discover they had inadvertently joined the Navy. They ship out next week." –Jimmy Kimmel

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/12/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and_10.html

#1001Ways #RandomThoughts #poetry   

 

finally Sneezy can get some Claritin, Sleepy can get some Adderall, and Grumpy can get some Prozac (Ironman 7)

October 2013

"Last night President Obama had an hour-long meeting with Republicans and Democrats, but they were still unable to end the government shutdown situation. So don't worry – while the shutdown is putting people out of work and costing taxpayers millions of dollars, lawmakers did spend a whole hour trying to fix it." –Jimmy Fallon

"Disneyworld said that it will help its employees sign up for Obamacare. So finally Sneezy can get some Claritin, Sleepy can get some Adderall, and Grumpy can get some Prozac." –Jimmy Fallon

"We are at a standstill with the government shutdown. It is costing $300 million a day. That is a full 'Ironman' sequel per day. We could be up to 'Ironman 7' tomorrow." –Jimmy Kimmel

"Nonessential government services have been put on hold. Flight safety inspectors furloughed. National monuments closed. The Grand Canyon is closed. They filled it with Spackle." –Jimmy Kimmel

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night 

of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

He did it because there are skeletons in his closet. Of cows. (it just gets thicker)

May 2013

"Conservative groups told congressmen that they experienced long delays and were asked to answer unusually detailed questions by the IRS. They said they felt like black people trying to vote in Florida." –Bill Maher on the Tea Party groups targeted by the IRS

"New Rule: Stop believing Chris Christie when he says he got lap band surgery for his family. He did it because he wants to be president in 2016, and being that obese is kind of a scandal in itself. He did it because there are skeletons in his closet. Of cows." –Bill Maher

"Doesn't it matter that these are all bullshit? The Benghazi scandal continues to fall apart. We found out today that Republicans who leaked the emails last week changed the wording. No it doesn't matter because they're in their bubble. That's where they live. I thought after the election that the bubble would become more permeable. No, it's like Chris Christie. Without corrective surgery, it just gets thicker." –Bill Maher

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night 

of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Nothing takes your mind off hard times like relaxing with a fatty (an abundant supply of the poor)

November 2012

"Forget ideology. Mitt Romney is just always wrong about everything. He was wrong about bin Laden, he was wrong about FEMA. He said only a few months ago we should get rid of FEMA and let private enterprise handle disaster relief. What a great idea. Of course, on Wednesday he released a statement saying no, he loves FEMA now. I tell you, if you think a super storm is bad, if Mitt and anti-Mitt ever met, the universe would implode." –Bill Maher

"Did you see Romney packing up canned goods for victims. The people in New Jersey were like, 'What, make my marinara sauce out of a can? What are you a f**king moron?" –Bill Maher

"What happened is Romney had a rally where they bought $5,000 worth of canned goods from Wal-Mart, handed them out to their supporters, and then had their supporters pretend to be giving them to the victims for the cameras. Because that's what Mitt is all about -- people. People pretending to help people. Later on he gave blood, then stole it back and chugged it." –Bill Maher

"Even Chris Christie looked pretty good, and I loved it that Obama was with him all weekend. And it really helped Obama because Obama said he learned something in college: Nothing takes your mind off hard times like relaxing with a fatty." –Bill Maher

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night 

of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

when God closes a door, he opens a Windows 95 (an abundant supply of the poor)

May 2021

“Bill and Melinda Gates yesterday announced that they have decided to part ways after 27 years of marriage. They got the 27-year itch, I guess.” —Jimmy Kimmel

“Apparently, it was an accumulation of lots of little things, like how Bill would never empty the recycling.” —Seth Meyers

“You know Melinda Gates is thinking, ‘Finally I can use a MacBook!’” —Jimmy Fallon

“I think they both deserve their privacy, but if ABC wants to make Bill the next ‘Bachelor,’ I’m all in.” —Jimmy Fallon

“Remember what they say — when God closes a door, he opens a Windows 95.” —Jimmy Fallon

“But poor Bill Gates. He’s been sleeping in his jet. It’s very sad.” —Jimmy Kimmel

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.” 

 

These winds are so strong they could actually blow some of Mitt Romney's money back in the United States (Granny Smiths)

August 2012

"A hurricane is scheduled to hit Tampa during the Republican Convention. These winds are so strong they could actually blow some of Mitt Romney's money back in the United States." –Jay Leno

"Mitt Romney and Paul Ryan had a campaign event at an apple orchard. There was one awkward moment when they told the Granny Smiths they were considering cutting their Medicare." –Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

What would he have to do to get below 20 percent — eat the Constitution? (The comfort of the rich)

January 2021

“Donald Trump’s leaving office with his lowest approval rating yet — it’s down to 29 percent. Which, for someone who incited a violent insurrection to overthrow the government isn’t bad. I mean, honestly, what would he have to do to get below 20 percent — eat the Constitution?” — Jimmy Kimmel

“Trump has the lowest average approval rating of any president in the modern era. The only one to leave office with a lower rating than that was Kevin Spacey.” — Jimmy Kimmel

“Normally, after a president’s term, they show before and after photos to prove how much the job aged him. This time, they’re showing before and after photos of all of us.” — Jimmy Fallon

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s The Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

He’s never even bankrupted a casino (a sense of what to the who?)

“[Colbert Imitating Trump] What do you mean, Lt. Col. Vindman is an immigrant? I didn’t know those came in white. You know what? He must be — it must be some sort of Man-lania.” —Stephen Colbert

“Lt. Col. Alexander S. Vindman, says he reported Trump’s Ukraine call out of a ‘sense of duty’ to the country. To which Trump said, ‘a sense of what to the who?’” —James Corden

“Lt. Col. Vindman has a Purple Heart and he has a Harvard degree — or as Trump put it, ‘Psh, who are you going to believe: him or me?’” —Jimmy Fallon

“But what does Lt. Col. Vindman know? He’s just a decorated war veteran. He’s never even bankrupted a casino.” —James Corden

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

all of his questions were about what it's like to live in Michael Jackson's zoo (what being a Lama means)

"New Rule: When you make stupid into an art form, it's not stupid anymore. We just found out that the "Sarah Palin" who writes Sarah Palin's Facebook page is a fake, but the real Sarah Palin has her own Facebook page, under a fake name. And sometimes the real/fake Sarah Palin praises the work of the fake/real Sarah Palin. It's like Inception for hillbillies. There's also a rumor that she doesn't really need glasses, she just wears them to look smart. And when she has them on, Todd doesn't know she's Superman.” –Bill Maher

"Yesterday in Australia, a TV comedian dressed himself up over there as Osama Bin Laden and got within feet of Bush's hotel. They got him, and the Bush spokesman said it was obviously not the real Bin Laden because they caught him." --Bill Maher

"George W. Bush met the Dalai Lama this week. I'm not sure that he really understands what being a Lama means, because all of his questions were about what it's like to live in Michael Jackson's zoo." --Bill Maher

"One interviewer said, are you bi-polar? He said, 'I'm bi-winning. I win here and I win there.' So yes, it's childish. It's needlessly defensive. It makes no sense. So if you ever wondered what it would be like if Sarah Palin was on coke, there you go." –Bill Maher, on Charlie Sheen

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

What fools use for reason (and longshot nominee, matches)

The New York Metropolitan Opera announced its singer Placido Domingo has stepped down after accusations of sexual misconduct. he will be replaced by his far less sexually aggressive understudy Flaccido Domingo. --Colin Jost, SNL

The National Toy Hall of Fame has announced its twelve finalists for this years class that includes Care Bears, Jenga, My Little Pony and longshot nominee, matches.  --Colin Jost, SNL

A woman in Louisiana who became trapped under a camel freed herself by biting the animals testicles. The idea came to her after she wasted four hours licking them. --Michael Che, SNL

A new airport in China that has the world’s largest terminal and can handle 72 million passengers a year. Not to be outdone, officials at Newark just slid a coaster under a corner of the airport to keep it from wobbling. --Colin Jost, SNL

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

The comfort of the rich depends upon.. (But wait, where did we put it?)

President Trump said yesterday that 69,000 people had signed up to attend his rally in El Paso, but that only 10,000 people were allowed inside before later claiming that 35,000 people actually attended, while law enforcement said only 6,500 were inside the arena. So, yeah. We do need to see his tax returns. --Seth Meyers

Officials in Colorado have announced that since marijuana was legalized in the state, sales of the drug have brought in over $6 billion. Added officials, "But wait, where did we put it?" --Seth Meyers

Following claims last week that Senator Amy Klobuchar has mistreated her staff, new reports came out yesterday saying that she once threw office supplies during an outburst. This news was first discovered stapled to an aide's forehead. --Seth Meyers

And finally, a bear in California was caught on camera breaking in to a man's home and raiding his refrigerator. But the man is single, so the bear didn't get much. --Seth Meyers

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

He wanted to comment, but he lost his voice, went blind and came down with boils (She even wants to outlaw beef jerky)

"There's a clip going around of this Christine O'Donnell discussing how she once dabbled in witchcraft. Have you heard about this? Although she says she never joined a coven. Never joined a coven? Hey, what do you think Congress is?" –Jay Leno

"Well, you know what's interesting, Christine O'Donnell said she dabbled in witchcraft, and her opponent, Democratic candidate Chris Coons, he had no comment. He wanted to comment, but he lost his voice, went blind and came down with boils." –Jay Leno

"This Christine O'Donnell is a very conservative woman. Not only is she against premarital sex, she is against masturbation. She even wants to outlaw beef jerky." –Jay Leno

"The National Bureau of Economic Research announced the recession actually ended in 2009. What idiots we were! So that recession you think you're in, that's as imaginary as the job you used to have." –Jay Leno

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Republicans took away his lesbian strip club VIP card (To learn who rules over you...)

"As you know, Arizona has passed the strictest immigration law in the country. It's scaring everybody. In fact, today, Taco Bell changed their name to Skippy's." –Jay Leno

"The governor of Florida, Charlie Crist, announced he is quitting the Republican Party to run for the Senate as an independent. And today, it became official — the Republicans took away his lesbian strip club VIP card." –Jay Leno

"On Monday, British Petroleum promised to pay all necessary cleanup costs for this oil spill. And they said they will do it, no matter how much they have to raise gas prices." –Jay Leno

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

When life gives you Yemens, you make Yemenade (especially illegal robots from Mexico)

"And former President Bush says he's been following the situation in Yemen very carefully. But, you know, we love President Bush, but I don't think he really understands the situation. Like today, Bush said, 'When life gives you Yemens, you make Yemenade.'" –Jay Leno

"Anyway, the doctor who examined Rush Limbaugh says that he's fine, back to normal. That's good to know. You know, they asked about every possible problem they could think of, and when Rush blamed every one of them on Barack Obama, they knew, 'Oh, he's just fine, back to normal.'" –Jay Leno

"Scientists now say that within 40 years, robots will be doing most of the jobs we don't want to do, especially illegal robots from Mexico." –Jay Leno

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”  

do I come to your state and knock the wiener out of your governor's mistress? (Bush thought Congress was haunted)

"Back when George Bush was president, Democrats in Congress, to be fair, would occasionally go 'Boooo!' But President Bush never took it personally, he just thought Congress was haunted." --Craig Ferguson

"When Wilson yelled 'you lie' at President Obama, I don't think he handled it very well. The president should go out and hone his material in some comedy clubs and deal with hecklers. Obama should have said, 'Hey buddy, do I come to your state and knock the wiener out of your governor's mistress?'" --Craig Ferguson

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

It is dangerous to be right when the government is wrong (he winked so hard his neck got smooth)

Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell today warned Russia to not meddle in the upcoming midterm elections, and then he winked so hard his neck got smooth. --Seth Meyers

In honor of World Emoji Day, Apple has announced it's adding cupcake, kangaroo, and lettuce symbols. A cupcake, a kangaroo, and lettuce, or as Outback Steakhouse calls it, a salad. --Seth Meyers

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

To learn who rules over you simply find out who you are not allowed to criticize (We prefer the term good swimmer)

"James Cameron, film director, claims he has discovered the tomb of Christ. I just hope this doesn't lead to a court battle in Florida. Who would have guessed they found Jesus before bin Laden?" --David Letterman

"A filmmaker is claiming that the remains of Jesus have been discovered in a tomb in Jerusalem. Which is crazy, because Jesus made it perfectly clear he wanted to be buried in the Bahamas next to Anna Nicole." --Conan O'Brien

"A new poll finds that President Bush's father, George H.W. Bush, is the most popular living ex-president. Apparently, voters were just excited to hear the words 'George Bush' next to the phrase 'ex-president.'" --Conan O'Brien

"Some politicians in Florida are trying to ban the use of the term 'illegal alien' because they think it is offensive. The Florida officials say, 'We prefer the term good swimmer.'" --Conan O'Brien

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

until you open the box with your Apple Watch, and it’s still attached to a hand (the same religion)

It just came out that Trump’s secretary of state, Rex Tillerson, was on the toilet when he found out Trump fired him on Twitter. Then Trump said, “Wow, what a coincidence — I was on the toilet when I tweeted that.” --Jimmy Fallon

That’s right, Tillerson was on the toilet when he was fired. Which explains why Jeff Sessions and Betsy DeVos haven’t used a bathroom in six months. --Jimmy Fallon

The Russian presidential election was this weekend, and to get people to vote, Russian officials were offering prizes like Apple Watches. It sounds fun — until you open the box with your Apple Watch, and it’s still attached to a hand. --Jimmy Fallon

A magisterial collection.

An emotional roller coaster.

Soon to be a cult classic.

A combination of Bukowski’s

Last Night On Earth

and Orwell’s 1984.

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html