Our goal is to be the New Jersey of Europe (unless of course somebody has $4,000 and is into role playing)

 

"Russia announced that it is willing to store nuclear waste from other countries. A spokesperson for Russia said, 'Our goal is to be the New Jersey of Europe.'" --Conan O'Brien

"Ashley Dupre did an interview, in an interview the call girl linked to Eliot Spitzer said that she doesn't want to be thought of as a monster. Does not want to be thought of as a monster, she said unless of course somebody has $4,000 and is into role playing." --Conan O'Brien

"President Bush's childhood home was turned into a museum. After hearing about it, President Bush said, 'I hope they got rid of the scary thing under my bed.'" --Conan O'Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

That was during my embarrassing pre-hooker days (scared to put the rub on it)

"It's now being reported that the former governor of New Jersey took part in several threesomes involving his wife and his chauffeur. Yeah. So, it's your move, Eliot Spitzer. --Conan O'Brien

"In New Jersey today, there were dangerous winds, with gusts up to 50 miles an hour. The winds were so strong that they blew former Governor McGreevey off his chauffeur." –Conan O'Brien

"There are technically now so many sex scandals in New York, it's hard for me to keep track of them. Are you having the same trouble? Every day you pick up the paper, there's a new revelation. This is the latest. Today, it was revealed that Eliot Spitzer's call girl, Ashley Dupre, appeared in a 'Girls Gone Wild' video when she was 18. Yeah, when asked about it, Ashley said, 'That was during my embarrassing pre-hooker days.'" --Conan O'Brien

"Speaking of John McCain, in his speech today, John McCain said that illegal Irish immigrants in America should be allowed to become citizens. Yeah. When asked why, McCain said, 'Because my wife's family owns Budweiser.'" --Conan O'Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

This will be the first presidential library to be made up entirely of small, shiny objects (No chance of her writing a book)

Governor Eliot Spitzer of New York officially, who officially resigned today has got more problems, because they're now saying he spent thousands of dollars on these prostitutes and tried to make it look like a legitimate expense. Yeah, yeah. Like after he had sex with them, he'd make the hooker go out and fix a pothole." --Jay Leno

 

"And this 22-year-old brunette prostitute, Ashley Alexandra Dupre -- that's a hooker name if you ever heard one -- the one that got caught with the governor, she's now talking about writing a book. A book. So guys, let that be a lesson to you. Whenever you hire a prostitute, always go for the blondes. No chance of her writing a book." --Jay Leno

"This is exciting news. Southern Methodist University announced that they will be the home of George W. Bush's presidential library. This will be the first presidential library to be made up entirely of small, shiny objects. In fact, I understand right now, they're building a shelf for the book." --Jay Leno

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

You know something, you really got to see her perform live (they ask you to meet the ambulance half way)

 

"It could now be profitable for oil companies to start drilling for oil in Los Angeles again. And once again, I think President Bush doesn't really understand this issue. Like today, he announced the drawing of a contingency plan to invade the San Fernando Valley." --Jay Leno

"And porn star Jenna Jameson is pregnant. Boy, that John Edwards gets around." --Jay Leno

"No, it turns out Ashley Dupre is also a singer. You can hear her song on MySpace. She doesn't have a bad voice. Although, today, the governor said, 'You know something, you really got to see her perform live.'" --Jay Leno

"High gas prices leave a bad taste in people's mouths, have you noticed that? That's mostly from the siphoning, but still it's a horror. In fact, gas is so expensive in L.A., now when you call 9-1-1, they ask you to meet the ambulance half way." --Jay Leno

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

So let that be a lesson to all you young women out there. Don't ever think of posing nude until after you're a successful hooker.

 

"As you know, Hillary Clinton is coming under fire for claiming she was under fire while in Bosnia. Luckily, she was wearing her Kevlar pantsuit at the time." --Jay Leno

 

"No, Hillary now says that she just made an honest mistake when she said she had to duck sniper fire in Bosnia. There was no hostile fire of any kind. Although, ironically, while she was away, Bill Clinton did see some action." --Jay Leno

President Bush gave his big State of Delusion address. In last year's State of the Union speech, President Bush said, 'The economy is on the move.' This year he said, 'Where'd it go?'" --Jay Leno

"And that high-priced call girl, Ashley Dupre, the one that was having sex with Governor Spitzer, has reportedly lost a $1 million offer to pose nude because old nude photos have popped up on the Internet. So let that be a lesson to all you young women out there. Don't ever think of posing nude until after you're a successful hooker." --Jay Leno

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

He was blind and he still wanted to see other people (lipstick on his shoes)

"The good news is on YouTube, the Obama speech now is getting watched more than the clips of the pastor. The bad news is that it's still far behind the footage of Spitzer's hooker on 'Girls Gone Wild.'" --Bill Maher

"This chick, Ashley Dupre,  is everywhere. I swear to God, she won 'American Idol.' The last person to get this famous for f------ some idiot was Kevin Federline." --Bill Maher

"New York's new governor, David Paterson, he made history this week. He's black, he's blind and he's hornier than the last guy. He hadn't taken his hand off the Bible when they swore him in before he admitted to having multiple affairs. See, this is what women don't get about the male sex drive. He was blind and he still wanted to see other people. And it's not easy having an affair when you're blind. He used to come home with lipstick on his shoes." --Bill Maher

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #Bernie2020 #JusticeDemocrats

Don't ever think of posing nude until after you're a successful hooker (The Lesson)

"And that high-priced call girl, Ashley Dupre, the one that was having sex with Governor Spitzer, has reportedly lost a $1 million offer to pose nude because old nude photos have popped up on the Internet. So let that be a lesson to all you young women out there. Don't ever think of posing nude until after you're a successful hooker." --Jay Leno

"A new survey shows that beer drinkers prefer John McCain to Hillary Clinton. Which is surprising because you'd think Hillary would be more popular with guys who like a 'cold one.'" --Conan O'Brien

"Boy, there is nothing but disasters in the news. It's unbelievable. Floods in the Midwest, fires in Texas, the Democratic Party -- it's just unbelievable. To give you an idea how bad the Democrats are doing, in a stunning reversal, John McCain is now 10% ahead of Hillary Clinton and 7% ahead of Barack Obama. And this is after Iraq, a recession, and no health care. Imagine how far ahead he'd be if the Republicans had actually done something." --Jay Leno

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #Bernie2020 #JusticeDemocrats

mullet-on-mullet-on-mullet action (embarrassing pre-hooker days)

"There are technically now so many sex scandals in New York, it's hard for me to keep track of them. Are you having the same trouble? Every day you pick up the paper, there's a new revelation. This is the latest. Today, it was revealed that Eliot Spitzer's call girl, Ashley Dupre, appeared in a 'Girls Gone Wild' video when she was 18. Yeah, when asked about it, Ashley said, 'That was during my embarrassing pre-hooker days.'" --Conan O'Brien

"It's now being reported that the former governor of New Jersey took part in several threesomes involving his wife and his chauffeur. Yeah. So, it's your move, Eliot Spitzer. --Conan O'Brien

"It is true, though, the former governor of New Jersey has reportedly taken part in several threesomes. That's what everyone's saying. Or, as a threesome is known in New Jersey, mullet-on-mullet-on-mullet action." --Conan O'Brien

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #Bernie2020 #JusticeDemocrats

He wouldn't be in the position he's in if he wasn't green (No chance of her writing a book)

"And what's going on with Geraldine Ferraro? Did you hear what she said today? She said today, 'The leprechaun wouldn't be in the position he's in if he wasn't green.'" --Jay Leno

"And this 22-year-old brunette prostitute, Ashley Alexandra Dupre -- that's a hooker name if you ever heard one -- the one that got caught with the governor, she's now talking about writing a book. A book. So guys, let that be a lesson to you. Whenever you hire a prostitute, always go for the blondes. No chance of her writing a book." --Jay Leno

"St. Patrick's Day, of course, is the day we celebrate St. Patrick, who drove the snakes from Ireland. Ironically, it also marks the day a hooker drove a governor from office." --Jay Leno

"Governor Spitzer of New York officially, who officially resigned today has got more problems, because they're now saying he spent thousands of dollars on these prostitutes and tried to make it look like a legitimate expense. Yeah, yeah. Like after he had sex with them, he'd make the hooker go out and fix a pothole." --Jay Leno

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #Bernie2020 #JusticeDemocrats

his hooker will finish her full term, so that's exciting (going down on the Titanic)

"Governor Eliot Spitzer has resigned. However, his hooker will finish her full term, so that's exciting." --Jay Leno

"More and more information is starting to come out about the young lady who charged the former governor $5,000 an hour for her services. It seems she's a singer. And on her MySpace page, she lists Celine Dion as one of her idols. Celine Dion. Of course, the big difference is, Celine Dion sang about going down on the Titanic." --Jay Leno

 "Anyway, the young lady has been identified as Ashley Dupre. That doesn't sound like a hooker name, does it? No. She says she doesn't want to be thought of as a monster. She can also play a Catholic schoolgirl, a nurse, a dominatrix, any number of things." --Jay Leno

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #Bernie2020 #JusticeDemocrats

Would someone please coverup that embarrassment?!!? (possible husband)

"Now this scandal affects a lot of people, it even affects Hillary Clinton, apparently. Political experts are saying that before Eliot Spitzer's scandal, Hillary Clinton had considered him as a possible running mate. Yeah. Yeah, now Hillary's considering Spitzer as a possible husband." --Conan O'Brien

"The New York Times was able to find Kristen, the 22-year-old prostitute who Spitzer allegedly paid $1,000 an hour. Her real name is Ashley Dupre. Her MySpace page says her first love is music, she wants to be a singer, and then her second love is having sex with governors for money." --Jimmy Kimmel

"Here's what's going to happen with her. She's going to pose naked for Playboy, she'll do a season of 'Celebrity Apprentice,' maybe a 'Surreal Life,' then she'll top it off by having a baby with Pauly Shore." --Jimmy Kimmel

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #Bernie2020 #JusticeDemocrats

Which is Witch?/foot tapping/You, Me and Dupre

"So, you have this triangle, the governor, his wife and this hooker. Or, as they're calling themselves, You, Me and Dupre." --Jay Leno

"The name of this prostitute service is The Emperor's Club, sounds better than Whore House, doesn't it? On the website, they rank the girls from one to seven diamonds. The diamonds represent how many you have to buy for your wife after you get caught." --Jay Leno

"You know how the governor got caught? Through wiretaps. You see, Democrats get caught in sex scandals through wiretapping. Republicans get caught in sex scandals through foot tapping." --Jay Leno

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #Bernie2020 #JusticeDemocrats

I believe she is classically trained on the flute (My Other Ride Is A Hooker)

"More details are starting to come out about the $5,000 prostitute. Her name's Ashley Alexandra Dupre. She's a 22-year-old aspiring musician. I believe she is classically trained on the flute." --Jay Leno

"Friend of the show and Emperor's Club lifetime member, Eliot Spitzer, resigned as governor of New York. It was such a big story that the media followed the governor's SUV through traffic for over 20 minutes in the hope that he would stop and pick up a prostitute. Jimmy, can we get a close-up on his bumper sticker? [on screen: bumper sticker reading, 'My Other Ride Is A Hooker']. You do not want to see what he's got in his mud flaps. But Spitzer's resignation was short and moving [on screen: Spitzer saying, 'The remorse I feel will always be with me']. And on future business trips, so will Mrs. Spitzer" --Stephen Colbert

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #Bernie2020 #JusticeDemocrats

I'm sure was just the cherry on top of his wife's cake (935 False Statements)

"Today Eliot Spitzer held another press conference. He said he needed to leave to begin the difficult process of healing. Not emotionally -- his wife hit him in the face with a George Foreman Grill." --Jimmy Kimmel

"The New York Times today found Spitzer's hooker. She went by the name of Kristen, but her real name is Ashley Alexandra Dupre. I think this is from her MySpace page [on screen: picture of Dupre]. If I were him, at the press conference I would have held up her picture and said, 'Look, what are you supposed to do?'" --Jimmy Kimmel

"Some of the more sordid details are starting to emerge, supposedly, Spitzer didn't like to wear a condom which I'm sure was just the cherry on top of his wife's cake." --Jimmy Kimmel

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #Bernie2020 #JusticeDemocrats