idiocracy23: April 2024

Tuesday, April 30, 2024

NHL: Toronto Maple Leafs vs Montreal Canadiens

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic.

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Due Dissidence: Zionist TROLLS Student Protesters, FAILS To Provoke Response

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth

and Orwell’s 1984.”

They are still on a “Highway to Hell,” but they're in the far right lane (doing the math)

The Secret Service swept our building today — which is good, it was filthy. –Jimmy Kimmel

AC/DC has a new lead singer. Axle Rose will replace Brian Johnson. At 54-years-old, he will be the youngest member of the group. They are still on a “Highway to Hell,” but they're in the far right lane. –Jimmy Kimmel

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth

and Orwell’s 1984.”

I mean, other than games one, two, four and five, they crushed it (Bit-O-Honey)

Despite losing control of the House, our president took a victory

lap last night. President Trump called the results very close to a

complete victory for republicans. Yes. In the same way the

World Series was very close to a complete victory for the

Dodgers. I mean, other than games one, two, four and five,

they crushed it. They won. --Jimmy Kimmel

A new Quinnipiac University poll came out yesterday that shows Donald Trump back on top of Ben Carson, 24 to 23 percent, and Jeb Bush is now down to only 4 percent. More people picked Bit-O-Honey as their favorite Halloween candy than support Jeb Bush for president. –Jimmy Kimmel

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth

and Orwell’s 1984.”

Which meant that Saturday was Frozen Peas Day (selfie sticks)

Vice president-elect Mike Pence was seen today using a selfie stick while posing with a group of House Republicans. Of course, right after using the selfie stick, Pence had to go to confession. –Seth Meyers

It keeps happening. Trump makes up something insane about another country and then the president of that country has to come out and say it's not true. We're like a week away from the president of Romania calling a press conference to say, "I did not tell President Trump that vampires are real." --Seth Meyers

Friday was “World Vasectomy Day.” Which meant that Saturday was Frozen Peas Day. –Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth

and Orwell’s 1984.”

CNN: Trump CRUSHING Biden As Approval Hits 70 Year Low

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth

and Orwell’s 1984.”

MLB The Show: Diamondbacks vs Nationals (S16 NLCS G3 Hulse 2 HRs)

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic.

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Don't build a library where the lights are on when no one is home (Fred Lobster)

A couple in Arkansas recently named their baby Olivia Garten in honor of the restaurant chain Olive Garden. Olivia is joined at home by her older brother, Fred Lobster. –Seth Meyers

President Trump pardoned a turkey at the White House today, where he said, "I'm pleased to report that, unlike millions of other turkeys at this time of the year, Drumstick has a very, very bright future ahead of him." Though I bet the turkey would feel more confident about that if they would stop calling him Drumstick. –Seth Meyers

"The design for George W. Bush's presidential library was unveiled Wednesday in Dallas, and features a lantern-shaped roof that will glow at night. Mr. President, I don't want to make any more jokes about you being dumb, but you have to meet me halfway. Don't build a library where the lights are on when no one is home." –Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth

and Orwell’s 1984.”

Due Dissidence: VP Contender Kristi Noem BOASTS of EXECUTING Her Dog In New Book

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth

and Orwell’s 1984.”

The only place she did very well was among pollsters (near-zero impact)

I had the weirdest, weirdest dream last night. Remember that guy who used to host “The Apprentice”? I dreamed we elected him president. –Jimmy Kimmel

Hillary Clinton underperformed among women, African-Americans, Hispanics, and young voters. Really the only place she did very well was among pollsters. –Jimmy Kimmel

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Resurrection Ertugrul - Season 2 Episode 9

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth

and Orwell’s 1984.”

I'm going to miss him when he's arrested, I really am (Oh, presents)

So they asked President Trump, since he isn't getting enough credit, they asked him to assess his own performance to date. What grade do you think the president gave himself? Let's find out. [Trump clip] “I would give myself an A-plus.” That's right, A-plus. Not an A, an A-plus. Just an unbiased review from a guy who names everything from neck ties to meat after himself, an A-plus. I'm going to miss him when he's arrested, I really am. --Jimmy Kimmel

"The only fun thing about filing your tax return is getting a refund. About 80 percent of taxpayers get money back, which is a weird thing to be happy about. That means you've been overpaying all year long. It's like if someone broke into your house and the police recovered the stuff and brought it back and you said, 'Oh, presents.'" –Jimmy Kimmel

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth

and Orwell’s 1984.”

NHL: Arizona Coyotes vs New Jersey Devils

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth

and Orwell’s 1984.”

Hey, check out my new outfit. It’s a skin suit! (he really went for it)

Kristi Noem, the governor of South Dakota and a possible running mate for Donald Trump, in her new book, first obtained by the Guardian, Noem admitted to killing her dog. It was a 14-month-old wirehaired pointer named Cricket. It’s one thing to kill a dog named Cricket, it’s another to brag about it in a book. She thought telling that story would make her look cool. It’s horrible enough to kill a dog, but even crazier to brag about it. That’s a level of psycho I didn’t even know existed. Even Buffalo Bill [from The Silence of the Lambs] had the self-awareness to keep his abhorrent behavior indoors. He didn’t walk around town saying, ‘Hey, check out my new outfit. It’s a skin suit!’” —Seth Meyers

Noem defended her actions on X, formerly Twitter, writing: “tough decisions like this happen all the time on a farm” and that she just had to “put down 3 horses a few weeks ago”. Way to change the narrative. ‘Yeah, I killed a dog. But in my defense: also, three horses. Sleep with your eyes open, donkey!’ —Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth

and Orwell’s 1984.”

If you don’t like untrainable animals that wolf down chicken, I have bad news about your party’s nominee (myths made up by millionaires)

If you like puppies, you’re not going to like Kristi Noem. The governor of South Dakota and a possible running mate for Donald Trump, in her new book, first obtained by the Guardian, Noem admitted to killing her dog. Now, I know that sounds terrible, but it’s much worse. Because this wasn’t some rabid, 90 pound hell hound on a meth bender. It was a 14-month-old wirehaired pointer named Cricket.

It is worth pointing out: no one made Noem confess to puppy-snuffing. She volunteered this information, even saying: “I guess if I were a better politician I wouldn’t tell the story here.” So, why? Why did Cricket need to kick it? According to Noem, the puppy was “untrainable”. Well yeah! She was 14 months old!

Noem wrote – again, in a story no one asked her to tell us, that she took Cricket on a pheasant hunt that the puppy ruined, going “out of her mind with excitement, chasing all those birds and having the time of her life”. But who among us hasn’t seen a dog running through the fields, not a care in the world, and thought ‘you deserve to die.’

Cricket then made the fatal mistake of continuing to be a normal puppy on the way home. Noem wrote that on the way home, Cricket attacked her neighbor’s chickens. Governor Noem, if you don’t like untrainable animals that wolf down chicken, I have bad news about your party’s nominee. —Stephen Colbert

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth

and Orwell’s 1984.”

EXCLUSIVE: Jimmy Dore Explains His Awakening, Unpacks Lies Of Past Decade!

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth

and Orwell’s 1984.”

FISA WEAPONIZED Against Americans, For Israel?: Briahna Joy Gray

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth

and Orwell’s 1984.”

Jimmy Dore: “K*** The Jews” Shouted By FALSE FLAG Hoaxster At Campus Protest

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth

and Orwell’s 1984.”

Ten Commandments of War Propaganda (The spin-off is called divorced or murdered?)

Tuesday was National Beer Day, which was the first time alcohol has ever helped me remember what day it is. —Colin Jost

A man in Ohio was seen protesting stay-at-home orders while wearing an American flag and a diaper said the man, "We need to reopen the oooo-conomy.” And, fun fact, if an American flag and a diaper are struck by lightning they create a Sean Hannity. —Colin Jost

Lifetime has announced a spin-off of their new hit show, Married At First Sight that catches up on couples from the show. The spin-off is called divorced or murdered? —Colin Jost

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth

and Orwell’s 1984.”

Monday, April 29, 2024

Prince Harry's drag name (and Gruber fell from the tower)

A popular new food item among people staying at home is

whipped strawberry milk. Incidentally, "whipped strawberry

milk" is also Prince Harry's drag name. —Colin Jost

Texas lieutenant governor Dan Patrick is urging his state to completely reopen saying there are more important things than living, which is actually the slogan for the KFC $20 fill up menu. —Colin Jost

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth

and Orwell’s 1984.”

Pink Floyd - Interstellar Overdrive (Full Length Version)

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth

and Orwell’s 1984.”

It's about keeping those ants in line (You know, I’m good up here)

U.S. astronaut Scott Kelly is about to return to Earth after spending an entire year in space. Then he saw Donald Trump’s poll numbers and said, "You know, I’m good up here." –Conan O’Brien

President Obama said that his very first job was scooping ice cream. After hearing this, Chris Christie said, "I thought he looked familiar." –Conan O’Brien

The latest polls show Donald Trump beating Marco Rubio in Rubio’s home state of Florida by 16 points. To win back Florida voters, Rubio has started doing meth. –Conan O’Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth

and Orwell’s 1984.”

In other words, it just passed its Los Angeles driving test (Hey, put that back in my bedroom where it belongs)

In California, an experimental self-driving Uber car drove through six red lights. In other words, it just passed its Los Angeles driving test. –Conan O’Brien

When President Trump arrived at the summit in Vietnam he was greeted with a giant portrait of himself. Trump said, “Hey, put that back in my bedroom where it belongs.” --Conan O’Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth

and Orwell’s 1984.”

Chinese officials say it's so big, it can do the work of two babies (I couldn't help myself, he was delicious)

"Arnold Schwarzenegger has been offered a role in a sequel to 'The Terminator.' In this one he travels back in time and kills the person who suggested he run for Governor." –Conan O'Brien

"A mother in China gave birth to a 15-pound baby. Chinese officials say it's so big, it can do the work of two babies." –Conan O'Brien

In an interview this week, Barbra Streisand revealed that she cloned her favorite dog, twice. Barbra said, "I couldn't help myself, he was delicious." --Conan O’Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth

and Orwell’s 1984.”