If Bert and Ernie can make it work, anyone can (and leave after the appetizers)

"Speaking of former President Bush, according to a new book that's coming out, former President Bush secretly supports gay marriage. Bush said, 'If Bert and Ernie can make it work, anyone can.'" --Conan O'Brien

"Five talk shows for Obama, that's a record. Though, he still hasn't topped Bush's record of watching 10 straight Saturday morning cartoons." --Jimmy Fallon

"A woman from Alabama won a dinner with Sarah Palin on eBay. It cost $63,000. Palin says she'll take the woman out to a restaurant of her choice and leave after the appetizers." --Jimmy Fallon

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

depression is what you get thinking about it (They just shot it right in his face)

"You know, they used to say a recession was when your neighbor lost his job, and a depression was when you lost your job. You probably heard this, right? See, now, a recession is when Wall Street guys get bailed out, and a depression is what you get thinking about it." --Jay Leno

"Dick Cheney is having surgery today to relieve his lower back pain. And do you know how they administered the anesthesia? They just shot it right in his face." --Jimmy Fallon

"Great to see President Obama again. Haven't seen him since he invited me and Sarah Palin to the White House for a beer." --David Letterman

"Speaking of President Bush, did you see him last night at the big football game? It was the Giants and Cowboys down there in Texas. And President Bush did the coin toss at the start of the game. Now here's a bit of trivia. The coin that they used to start the game was the same coin that the Supreme Court tossed that won Bush the election." --David Letterman

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

I can't get mad at Jimmy Carter. He's white (You'll never find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy)

"Yesterday, former President Jimmy Carter said that Congressman Joe Wilson's outburst during President Obama's speech last week was based on racism. When Joe Wilson heard that, he said, 'I can't get mad at Jimmy Carter. He's white.'" --Jimmy Fallon

"Joe Wilson is now the only United States congressman to be formally rebuked for speaking out while the President was giving an address. That could explain his Secret Service codename, 'Kanye.'" --Jimmy Fallon

'Yesterday, Federal Reserve chairman Ben Bernanke said it is 'very likely' that the recession is over. I hope this isn't like when President Bush told us the war in Iraq was over.' –Jimmy Kimmel

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Monologue: Courting Disaster | Real Time with Bill Maher (HBO)

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

New Rule: Church and Destroy | Real Time with Bill Maher (HBO)

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Young Turks: Definitive Proof That Ford Told The Truth

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”  

that was back when Bush's speeches were written by jazz legend Wynton Marsalis (Rock 'Em Sock 'Em Robots)

"A new book that's coming out about former President George W. Bush said that Bush once called Barack Obama 'a cat' with 'no clue.' Of course that was back when Bush's speeches were written by jazz legend Wynton Marsalis." --Conan O'Brien

"Big story. Earlier today, President Obama said that he's dropping President Bush's plan for a missile defense shield. Obama is also dropping President Bush's plan to build an elite army of Rock 'Em Sock 'Em Robots." --Conan O'Brien

"The Senate just passed a bill allowing Amtrak passengers to carry guns in their checked luggage. However, folks, Greyhound passengers are still not allowed to carry deodorant." --Conan O'Brien 

"Today, what else is going on? Former Vice President Dick Cheney underwent minor surgery on his back. The doctor told Cheney it's a simple operation, he'd be up and having heart surgery in no time." --Conan O'Brien

"Of course, you all saw this. This is what I'm talking about. Kayne West at the Video Music Awards. Kayne West interrupted Taylor Swift's acceptance speech. And after he did that, after he was done interrupting her, MTV threw him out of the building. So it's official. MTV has a lower tolerance for bad behavior than the United States Congress." --Conan O'Brien

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

He was caught on tape bragging about having sex with two different lobbyists (Hubby Hubby ice cream)

"Yet another family values Republican has been caught in a sex scandal. I love this story: This time, California Assemblyman Mike Duvall (the guy is married) was caught on tape bragging having sex with two different lobbyists. A politician having sex with two lobbyists. Now, I'm not a mathematician, but I believe that's a total of 3 whores, right?" --Jay Leno

"And in honor of gay marriage now being legal in the state of Vermont, Ben & Jerry's is now selling 'Hubby Hubby' ice cream. You know, if you want to name an ice cream after gay marriage, why not just call it 'Ben & Jerry's?'" --Jay Leno

"And folks, they are doing it again. It's being reported that Goldman Sachs gave out $11 billion in bonuses. But they told their executives to be discreet with their money. What do you mean their money? It's our money!" --Jay Leno

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

if God is really that interested in what goes on at beauty pageants, he's gay (Does this A** Make My Country Look Small?)

"It's the 8th anniversary of 9/11, and Americans today stopped doing whatever they were doing to sit there, reflect, do nothing, say nothing, just like Bush did eight years ago when he got the news." --Bill Maher

"Mr. President, there are some people who are never going to like you. That's why they voted for the old guy and Carrie's mom. You're not going to win them over. President Obama, Stand Up for the 70% of Americans who aren't crazy." --Bill Maher

"Carrie Prejean. You know Carrie, the almost-Miss California. She spoke today at the Values Voters Summit. They have great speakers, like crazy Michele Bachmann is there this year, John Boehner, the unemployed Baldwin brother, token black guy and for that segment of the Republican party that finds Sarah Palin too intellectual, they got Carrie Prejean to speak this year. She said, God chose her to give that answer at the pageant against gay marriage. You know what, Carrie, if God is really that interested in what goes on at beauty pageants, he's gay." --Bill Maher

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

I don't come down to where you work, and knock the lobbyist out of your mouth (this a**hole with Tourette's syndrome)

"Obama gave his health care speech before Congress, and he was in a mood. He called out some of the liars who have been lying about his plan. And he also said a lot of the opposition to this plan comes from ill-informed crazy people. And to prove it, a sh**kicker named Joe Wilson from South Carolina, this a**hole with Tourette's syndrome, screams out 'You lie!'" --Bill Maher

"You know, I know the president is black, but this is not Showtime at the Apollo." --Bill Maher

"I thought Obama handled the heckler well. He came with the old, I don't come down to where you work, and knock the lobbyist out of your mouth.'" –Bill Maher

"But to be fair, the next day Joe Wilson apologized, he said he didn't mean to say 'You Lie." He said he meant to say 'Go back to Africa.'" --Bill Maher

"What's so ironic is that the health care plan that Mr. Wilson so angrily opposes would get him the prozac he so desperately needs." --Bill Maher

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

for an extra grand, she'll actually shoot the main course (the second most embarrassing politician from South Carolina)

"During President Obama's speech, a congressman heckled him. This guy from South Carolina begins to heckle the guy, and I thought, OK, so now Gov. Mark Sanford is the second most embarrassing politician from South Carolina." --David Letterman

"You can have dinner with Sarah Palin. They're auctioning it off. Have you heard of it? And the starting bid are $25,000. And this could be exciting. And they say now, unofficially, that for an extra grand, an extra thousand dollars, she'll actually shoot the main course." -David Letterman

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

do I come to your state and knock the wiener out of your governor's mistress? (Bush thought Congress was haunted)

"Back when George Bush was president, Democrats in Congress, to be fair, would occasionally go 'Boooo!' But President Bush never took it personally, he just thought Congress was haunted." --Craig Ferguson

"When Wilson yelled 'you lie' at President Obama, I don't think he handled it very well. The president should go out and hone his material in some comedy clubs and deal with hecklers. Obama should have said, 'Hey buddy, do I come to your state and knock the wiener out of your governor's mistress?'" --Craig Ferguson

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

We're saving ourselves for our 25th wedding anniversary (The joke's on them, they didn't find my crystal meth)

Another tell-all book is coming out about the Trump presidency. And according to an excerpt, on the night of the election, Mike Pence tried to kiss his wife after Trump's victory but she turned away and said, "You got what you wanted. Now leave me alone." In all fairness, I'm pretty sure 99 percent of Mike Pence's conversations end with the other person saying, "Now leave me alone." She was upset that her husband had aligned himself with Donald Trump. But don't worry, I'm sure him spending the day with Brett Kavanaugh is bound to win her over. Pence tried to explain why there wasn't a kiss with his wife. He said, "We're saving ourselves for our 25th wedding anniversary." --James Corden

Police in British Columbia responded to an unusual emergency recently. A man called 911 reporting that he had been robbed. When asked what had been taken, he said that the thieves had stolen all of his marijuana and cocaine. He told the cops, "The joke's on them, they didn't find my crystal meth." --James Corden

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

but since it was coming from a woman, Grassley didn't believe her (Out of habit, Kavanaugh brought a keg)

The nation was gripped today by Dr. Christine Blasey Ford's emotional testimony on Capitol Hill against Supreme Court nominee Brett Kavanaugh. As Dr. Ford was speaking, Brett Kavanaugh was reportedly preparing for his own testimony in Vice President Mike Pence's office. Out of habit, Kavanaugh brought a keg. --James Corden

You know you're radioactive when even President Trump was like, "Uh, yeah, I'm busy. Maybe go hang around with Mike." --James Corden

At one point, Republican Sen. Chuck Grassley interrupted and talked over Sen. Dianne Feinstein. Sen. Feinstein said it was her turn to speak, but since it was coming from a woman, Grassley didn't believe her. --James Corden

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

You should do something with all the evidence on your computer (Yogi's let himself go)

Special Counsel Robert Mueller was seen at a Washington-area Apple store yesterday getting tech support for his laptop. Said the technician, "See, the problem is your computer is too full of evidence. You should do something with all the evidence on your computer." --Seth Meyers

A bear in Tennessee this week was caught on camera walking up to a truck, opening a door, and stealing a Sonic fast-food bag. So, yeah, Yogi's let himself go. --Seth Meyers

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

when Trump cancels a meeting to watch TV, you know what that means (Whose fears are unfounded?)

President Trump today postponed his planned meeting with Deputy Attorney General Rod Rosenstein, so as not to conflict with the Senate hearing on the sexual assault allegations against Supreme Court nominee Brett Kavanaugh. And when Trump cancels a meeting to watch TV, you know what that means — it's a weekday. --Seth Meyers

Los Angeles International Airport has updated its policy to allow travelers to pack marijuana when flying. And every person who was happy to hear that missed their flight. --Seth Meyers

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

What republicans don't want women to remember (Like 'normal' slow or 'your investigation' slow?)

Judge Kavanaugh has been accused of sexual misconduct by several women and many Republicans are still defending him. Americans were like, "Here's an idea — just pick a different judge. There's thousands of judges. Anyone! What is Judge Judy up to? Let's get Judge Judy in there! Judge Joe Brown! Simon Cowell! I don't care who it is!" --Jimmy Fallon

Yesterday, Robert Mueller was spotted at an Apple store. When he said his computer is really slow, the employee said, "Like 'normal' slow or 'your investigation' slow?" --Jimmy Fallon

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

mid-way through the flight, Trump tried stepping outside to get some air (his schedule already said, "Watch TV all day.")

Today was the big Senate hearing for President Trump's Supreme Court nominee, Brett Kavanaugh, and his accuser, Dr. Christine Blasey Ford. Trump said he was clearing his schedule to watch on TV, then realized his schedule already said, "Watch TV all day." --Jimmy Fallon

Trump watched the hearing while flying on Air Force One. You could tell is wasn't going well, 'cause mid-way through, Trump tried stepping outside to get some air. --Jimmy Fallon

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

There are female lawyers? (The Lyin' King)

The Republican senators were very careful with Dr. Ford. In fact, they were too scared to even question her. They hired a surrogate, a female prosecutor from Arizona. No kidding. They brought her in to do it for them. The way they found this prosecutor is very interesting. Sen. Chuck Grassley, the chairman of the judiciary committee, didn't like the optics of 11 Republican men questioning one woman so one of his aides suggested, "Why don't you hire a female lawyer to ask the questions?" And Grassley was like, "There are female lawyers?" --Jimmy Kimmel

Melania Trump has the right idea. With everything that's going on, she's getting the hell out of town. Our first lady is headed overseas next week as part of her "Be as Far Away From My Husband as Possible" campaign. She's going to Africa. Melania feels a strong connection to Africa because she's married to the Lyin' King. --Jimmy Kimmel

Did you know that today is Google's 20th anniversary? It's true —Google it. Traditional gift for a 20th anniversary is china. Unfortunately, Google is banned in China, so we can't do that. --Jimmy Kimmel

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

B-Sides (Ex. Film 9/19/18)

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Or, as Republicans call it, three strikes and you are voted in for a lifetime appointment (These accusations are disgusting)

Even more trouble today for Donald Trump's Supreme Court nominee. A third woman has now come forward accusing Brett Kavanaugh of sexual misconduct during his time in high school. That's three accusers. Or, as Republicans call it, three strikes and you are voted in for a lifetime appointment. --James Corden

These accusations are disgusting. This is not how a Supreme Court justice behaves. It's how the president of the United States behaves. --James Corden

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

What if you're trying to get out? (You're Stoned)

The Secret Service's new presidential limo cost $1.5 million and reportedly includes features such as the ability to electrify door handles to shock anyone trying to get inside. "What if you're trying to get out?" asked one woman [photo of Melania Trump]. --Seth Meyers

Dunkin' Donuts has announced it will be shortening its name to "Dunkin'" in order to increase the emphasis on their non-donut items. Meanwhile, Taco Bell is going all out and just changing their name to "You're Stoned." --Seth Meyers

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

You know what's actually disrespectful of the American flag? (I also love blood)

After world leaders at the U.N. laughed at President Trump for claiming he has accomplished more than any president in history, Trump said last night that the line was meant to get some laughter. Oh, well, then it's kind of weird that you said this right after. [Trump] "Didn't expect that reaction, but that's OK." Man, you're a very bad liar. I would love to play poker with you. [imitates Trump] "I'll raise you $100, and I'm bluffing." --Seth Meyers

A Silicon Valley start-up called Ambrosia is looking into opening a clinic in Manhattan where people over the age of 35 could be injected with the blood of younger people to help increase their vitality. Said one customer, [photo of Rudy Giuliani] "Can I get a to-go cup? Because I'm on the move a lot and I also love blood." --Seth Meyers

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

How can we make a humid day a thousand times worse? (Melania's bedroom door does the exact same thing)

After a toast at the U.N., Trump was spotted drinking Diet Coke out of a wine glass — but only after sniffing a sample and swirling it around first. [Imitating Trump] "Full bodied. Hints of aluminum. Vintage 2017." --Jimmy Fallon

Trump drank Diet Coke out of a wine glass, which is what the rest of America does when their dishwasher is broken. --Jimmy Fallon

Trump just got a new $1.5 million limo. It fires tear gas, has night vision, and can lay down an oil slick to make anyone chasing it spin out of control. Even crazier, Melania's bedroom door does the exact same thing. --Jimmy Fallon

The limo fires tear gas and lays down oil slicks for car chases. I'm pretty sure Trump was like, "Build me the Batmobile. Just do it." --Jimmy Fallon

I saw that Gucci debuted a pair of leather underwear for men. Leather underwear. The designers were like, "How can we make a humid day a thousand times worse?" --Jimmy Fallon

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

I knew we should have gone with Judge Judy. Damn it, I told them! (Recognize this man?)

There were new new allegations against the nominee for the Supreme Court, Brett Kavanaugh, aka "The 40-Year-Old Virgin," is facing another accusation from a woman who says she knew him when they were in high school. She alleges that he and his friends would target girls with alcohol and Quaaludes in order to take advantage of them sexually. And, just like that, we have a new spokesperson for Jell-O Pudding — we lose a Cosby and gain a Kavanaugh. --Jimmy Kimmel

Brett Kavanaugh seems to be backing off his claim on Fox News that he was a model student. In his prepared testimony today, he wrote, "In retrospect, I said and did things in high school that make me cringe now." In retrospect, you said things on Fox News three days ago that should make you cringe now. --Jimmy Kimmel

All three accusers want the FBI to investigate their claims. Republicans, Brett Kavanaugh, don't want the FBI to investigate. I wonder why that is. At this point Donald Trump has to be like, "I knew we should have gone with Judge Judy. Damn it, I told them!" --Jimmy Kimmel

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

And for an extra $50, for non-medical procedures (bulletproof windows and no Twitter)

President Trump has a brand new technologically upgraded presidential limousine. It's supposed to be very fancy. And the latest with all the technology. For Trump's protection, the limo comes with bulletproof windows and no Twitter. --Conan O’Brien

I'm a big fan of scientific advances in the field of medicine. Scientists announced they just developed a robotic caterpillar that can crawl inside you for medical procedures. And for an extra $50, for non-medical procedures. --Conan O’Brien

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

All my papers concerning "Grease 2" have been destroyed long ago (OK and Ew)

For his defense Brett Kavanaugh submitted into evidence his summer of 1982 calendar. So far the only thing that it proves about Kavanaugh is he's a weird freak who keeps calendars from 1982. He mentions seeing movies like "Rocky III" and "Grease 2." I think this hurts his credibility because what idiot would leave hard evidence that they saw "Grease 2?" Who would record that? All my papers concerning "Grease 2" have been destroyed long ago. --Conan O’Brien

SCRABBLE just added two new words to its dictionary. Two new words — "OK" and "Ew." OK and Ew have been added to SCRABBLE. Coincidentally, OK and Ew are the two words the Senate will use when voting on Kavanaugh. --Conan O’Brien

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”