He narrowly beat the second-place finisher, a gun wearing a cowboy hat (Extra Dickles)

Donald Trump won yesterday’s Arizona Republican primary with almost 50 percent of the vote. He narrowly beat the second-place finisher, a gun wearing a cowboy hat. –Seth Meyers

Actress Cynthia Nixon today announced her bid to run for New York governor, and she debuted her campaign slogan, “Nixon 2018: No Relation.” --Seth Meyers

The manager at a Sonic restaurant in Mississippi recently posted a message asking customers not to smoke weed in the drive-thru. Meanwhile Taco Bell offered them a light. --Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.” 

 

This is great news for people who are hot, thirsty, and well into their second trimester (Yeah, I'm drunk)

The fast food chain Sonic has introduced a new flavor of its iced slushes. And apparently, they've run out of ideas because this new flavor is Pickle Juice. This is great news for people who are hot, thirsty, and well into their second trimester. --James Corden

This week SpaceX and Tesla founder Elon Musk personally handed out his latest and greatest new product to the first 1,000 customers who bought them online. And that product is… a flamethrower! This is something we were all crying out for. I mean, this is one way to get your neighbor to stop using a leaf blower at 7 a.m. To get around existing laws, Elon Musk is calling the product Not a Flamethrower. Which is a great idea. I'm excited to use one of these "not a flamethrowers" to "not rob a liquor store." --James Corden

According to a new report, Uber is developing a technology that would allow its app to determine if users are drunk. The new technology evaluates walking speed, whether the phone is swaying, and if you've made any typos. Now, look. Let's take the mystery out of this, Uber. It's 2:00 a.m., I'm standing outside a bar, and I typed in my destination as Taco Bell. Yeah, I'm drunk. --James Corden

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.” 

 

We Brits hold our elections the way we make love (for people who are hot, thirsty, and well into their second trimester)

For our American viewers who may not know, Theresa May is the prime minister here in Britain, and she’s the one who called for what’s known as a “snap election.” That means it’s just seven weeks of campaigning and it’s over. We Brits hold our elections the way we make love — quickly and without a lot of unnecessary emotion. And followed by an apology. –James Corden

At a Walmart in Minnesota, a customer had to tackle a confused deer after it wandered into the store. The deer is fine and was released back into the wild, which makes this the happiest possible ending to a story of a deer walking into one of America’s largest suppliers of hunting rifles. –James Corden

The fast food chain Sonic has introduced a new flavor of its iced slushes. And apparently, they've run out of ideas because this new flavor is Pickle Juice. This is great news for people who are hot, thirsty, and well into their second trimester. --James Corden

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

It’s $500 for the night and No Kissing (“Finally, they’re gone,” said two Ken dolls)

A new poll shows that President Biden’s approval rating has fallen to an all-time low of 33%. For perspective, that’s less than half the approval rating of Sonic The Hedgehog 2. Sonic 2 features the characters Tails and Knuckles, which are also the names of two gang members Joe Biden claimed he fought in the 1960s. —Colin Jost

A video has also gone viral of President Biden finishing a speech in North Carolina and apparently turning to shake hands with an invisible person. Hey, her name is Kamala. —Colin Jost

JetBlue has made an offer to buy Spirit Airlines. Said Spirit, “It’s $500 for the night and No Kissing.” —Colin Jost

Two Barbie dolls were launched into space for the first time ever aboard the International Space Station. “Finally, they’re gone,” said two Ken dolls. —Colin Jost

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

You should do something with all the evidence on your computer (Yogi's let himself go)

Special Counsel Robert Mueller was seen at a Washington-area Apple store yesterday getting tech support for his laptop. Said the technician, "See, the problem is your computer is too full of evidence. You should do something with all the evidence on your computer." --Seth Meyers

A bear in Tennessee this week was caught on camera walking up to a truck, opening a door, and stealing a Sonic fast-food bag. So, yeah, Yogi's let himself go. --Seth Meyers

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

This is great news for people who are hot, thirsty, and well into their second trimester (Yeah, I'm drunk)

According to a new report, Uber is developing a technology that would allow its app to determine if users are drunk. The new technology evaluates walking speed, whether the phone is swaying, and if you've made any typos. Now, look. Let's take the mystery out of this, Uber. It's 2:00 a.m., I'm standing outside a bar, and I typed in my destination as Taco Bell. Yeah, I'm drunk. --James Corden

If you're making too many typos on your phone, Uber could determine you're drunk, or, at the very least, the president of the United States. --James Corden

The fast food chain Sonic has introduced a new flavor of its iced slushes. And apparently, they've run out of ideas because this new flavor is Pickle Juice. This is great news for people who are hot, thirsty, and well into their second trimester. --James Corden

Sonic says if this goes well, they're all set to unveil their next exciting flavor, Cabbage Drippings. Sonic claims the new flavor has "a distinctly summer vibe to create new summer memories." Memories like, "Hey! You remember that time I threw up at Sonic?" --James Corden

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

And now EVERYONE wants her to sign a nondisclosure agreement (I blame the media...)

The manager at a Sonic restaurant in Mississippi recently posted a message asking customers not to smoke weed in the drive-thru. Meanwhile Taco Bell offered them a light. --Seth Meyers

The lawyer for adult film star Stormy Daniels said in a new interview that Daniels can describe President Trump’s “genitalia in great detail.” And now EVERYONE wants her to sign a nondisclosure agreement. --Seth Meyers

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.