Hillary's coughing spell was actually due to a massive bong hit (Book of Revelations)

It’s come out that Hillary Clinton is having a hard time connecting with millennial voters. So now she’s saying that last week’s coughing spell was actually due to a massive bong hit. –Conan O’Brien

Only 50 more days until the election. That’s according to my calendar, The Book of Revelation. –Conan O’Brien

This weekend, Martha Stewart said Donald Trump should not be president because he is "totally unprepared." Though to be fair, by Martha Stewart’s standards, we’re ALL unprepared. –Conan O’Brien

Donald Trump’s running mate Mike Pence said that his role model for the vice presidency is Dick Cheney. To prove it, this weekend Pence had six heart attacks and shot his friend in the face. –Conan O’Brien

The study was conducted by a bunch of jerks trying to ruin Halloween

On Monday, former heavyweight champ Mike Tyson endorsed Donald Trump. Tyson joins Trump’s biggest group of supporters: "People Who Have Been Hit in the Head a Lot." –Conan O’Brien

Tonight’s Republican debate took place in Colorado, where marijuana is legal. Which explains why every single question from the audience was, "Where am I?" –Conan O’Brien

A new study just came out that shows decreasing the amount of sugar in obese children's diet improves their health within 10 days. The study was conducted by a bunch of jerks trying to ruin Halloween. –Conan O’Brien