"In Washington, the
Justice Department was evacuated because of a suspicious package. It was okay,
it just turned out to be a bag of cash dropped off by Jack Abramoff."
--David Letterman
"So what? A lobbyist
cheated Indian tribes out of $25 million then laundered their money through
phony Christian charities trying to stop other Indian tribes from getting
casinos [on screen: 'Thou Shalt Not Compete'] and bribe congressmen in the
process. Know what I call that? I call that business as usual in Washington.
[on screen: 'Screwing Indians']" --Stephen Colbert
"Israeli Prime
Minister Ariel Sharon has regained some brain function. The bad news: Pat
Robertson, still no brain function at all. You know about this -- last week Pat
Robertson said Ariel Sharon had a stroke because God was punishing him for
dividing Israel. You remember a couple of years ago Pat Robertson announced he
had prostate cancer? You think God was punishing him for being a pain in the
ass?" -- Jay Leno
