Today they released one of our prisoners and in return we sent back one of their shortstops (Hope and Pinot Grigio)

"Today President Obama announced that the U.S. is working to improve its relationship with Cuba in an effort to normalize full diplomatic relations. For instance, today they released one of our prisoners and in return we sent back one of their shortstops." –Jimmy Fallon

"Today everyone was busy looking at all the different numbers, trying to figure out who voted for which candidate. President Obama beat Mitt Romney by 38 points among single women. They say it’s because of Obama’s final campaign slogan, 'Hope and Pinot Grigio.'" –Jimmy Fallon

"Rand Paul, the senator from Kentucky, keeps getting into trouble. They say he actually plagiarized an entire section of his 2012 book, 'Government Bullies.' When asked for comment, Paul said, 'It was the best of times, it was the worst of times.'" –Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Try seeing a doctor under Ayatollah-Care

"Rand Paul, the senator from Kentucky, keeps getting into trouble. They say he actually plagiarized an entire section of his 2012 book, 'Government Bullies.' When asked for comment, Paul said, 'It was the best of times, it was the worst of times.'" –Jimmy Fallon

"There's now growing concern in Iran about the health of 74-year-old Ayatollah Khamenei, the country's supreme leader. He has a chronic illness. You think healthcare is bad in this country, try seeing a doctor under Ayatollah-Care. See how that works." –Jay Leno



Shaking hands and kissing bagels

"New Jersey Governor Chris Christie is hoping to win re-election tomorrow, and polls show that he's winning by a 19-point margin. Christie was really excited to hear that — but only because he thought someone said 'margarine.'" –Jimmy Fallon



"Chris Christie has really worked hard on the campaign. I heard he spent all weekend shaking hands and kissing bagels." –Jimmy Fallon



"Rand Paul has been accused of cheating in three separate instances. When asked about the charges, Paul said, 'Four score and seven years ago...'" –Conan O'Brien