I'm So Lonesome I Could Cry (Bush's poll numbers-Colts 41 Jets 10)

The White House just announced a new program to teach computer science to more American schoolchildren. They say if it goes well, one day America will be able to hack its OWN election. –Jimmy Fallon

Vice President-elect Mike Pence attended the New York Jets game at MetLife Stadium, where the Jets lost 41-10. Pence heard so much booing, he thought he was seeing “Hamilton” again. –Jimmy Fallon

I caved in.

"If you're going to do a Chris Christie joke, just say, 'Christie spent $82,000 at a concession stand at MetLife Stadium. Then he turned to his friends and said, 'You guys want anything?'' That's a joke. I can't believe it. I caved in. I feel awful." –Jimmy Fallon



"The U.S. unemployment rate is the lowest it's been in nearly seven years. The job sector that has seen the most growth is in the field of Republican presidential candidates." –Conan O'Brien



Lift with your legs, not your back

"A new poll finds that the majority of GOP voters say they can't see themselves supporting Chris Christie. The trick is to lift with your legs, not your back." –Seth Meyers

"According to a new report, since he's been governor, Chris Christie has spent $82,000 at a concession stand at MetLife Stadium. Now, I know it seems like the perfect story for a Chris Christie joke but I'm actually on a Chris Christie joke diet. So nothing for me, thanks." –Jimmy Fallon