How do you mess that up? (From the Depths/Mostly trees)

Ted Cruz's dad said that God sent a message to Ted Cruz's wife giving his permission to run for president. Though I'm not sure that's what God meant when he told Cruz’s wife, “Run!!” –Jimmy Fallon

Shaquille O’Neal says that he’s trying to eat healthier. He’s cut soda, bread, sandwiches, and fast food out of his diet. When asked what he’s eating instead he said, “Mostly trees.” –Jimmy Fallon

“Happy Valentine’s Day. Everyone on the campaign trail is celebrating with their sweetheart. Rick Santorum and his wife Karen, Newt Gingrich and his wife Callista, Mitt Romney and his Swiss bank account.” –Jimmy Fallon

Tickets to Trump’s State of the Union had to be reprinted after they originally said State of the "Uniom." Even the guy who sent out that false missile alert in Hawaii was like, "How do you mess that up?" --Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/02/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”